Pregnancy, Birthing, and Asexuality

[Redkale]

I see myself never birthing a child because it completely turns me off. The thought of giving birth and even conceiving a child myself makes me shudder. On the other hand, I don't get these feelings when it applies to others. But for me personally, it is how I feel. Is there any connection of these feelings to asexuality?

[romantic-woman]

I cannot even imagine myself being pregnant or having/raising a baby. It is so weird. Maybe cause i know that all this need to be through sexual activity so yeah it turns me off much. I don't know if it happened only cause of my asexuality but i don't want to have something inside me that is moving... I guess that not all people have this feeling of mother to be but with us is also that we don't feel any attraction to anyone in order to give a try and have a baby

That is why many women choose different method.

[Valja]

I don't think this feelings are only asexual, I talked with my sexual friends about this and they feel the same, they want children, but the idea of being pregnant and giving birth is repulsing.

[R.Million]

I feel completely repelled by that stuff

[Hooded_Crow]

Well being asexual, it's not gonna help that the thing required to get pregnant doesn't appeal to you, that's for sure. But aside from that, I can note that while I am scared of giving birth (it is after all icky and uncomfortable, although I suspect not nearly as painful as the media would have us believe), it does not scare me to the point where I wouldn't do it, and I don't think my fear or repulsion has anything to do with my asexuality. If I ever want children, I can see myself having sex and getting pregnant.

[HarleyTwin]

I have a couple of sexual friends who have absolutely no desire to have children and find the process daunting. I myself, have just started the process of finding a donor to become pregnant myself, but it's strictly non-sexual and there'll be no sexual contact.

So no, I don't personally think it has to do with being asexual. Many sexual people don't like the idea of being pregnant or want children too, and there are some Aces who do want to have and raise a family. I guess I just don't look at my impending pregnancy in a sexual manner, but more of my need to be a mother.

[Guest]

Well being asexual, it's not gonna help that the thing required to get pregnant doesn't appeal to you, that's for sure. But aside from that, I can note that while I am scared of giving birth (it is after all icky and uncomfortable, although I suspect not nearly as painful as the media would have us believe), it does not scare me to the point where I wouldn't do it, and I don't think my fear or repulsion has anything to do with my asexuality. If I ever want children, I can see myself having sex and getting pregnant.

Believe me, it's extremely, extremely, extremely painful. Like, more painful than you can imagine. And I didn't even get to the 'pushing it out' part :P. I was in labor for 46 hours with my second child before going in for an emergency C section (my first was also a C but I had only been in labor for a little while with her) ..and the labor was like nothing I can describe. C sections are also awful, they puncture your spine with 3 inch long needles and you can actually here the needles grating in your bones.. Everything to do with child birth (whether labor, birth, or C section) is painful, awfully so.

Believe me nothing I saw in the media could have prepared me for how painful labor was lol.

Anyway, I also never wanted children, or pregnancy, or birth, or sex. My ex was hypersexual though (and I didnt know asexuality was a thing so assumed I was meant to give him sex) so even though I was on the pill, I got pregnant twice before leaving him.

I don't think it's just and asexual thing, not wanting pregnancy or birth.. Many, many people (regardless of their sexuality) don't want pregnancy or birth, however many people *do* want babies. I think for asexuals it's more the sex that creates pregnancy that differs from the way many sexual women feel.

EDIT: so I was just doing a little research into labor pain, and it said that some women say recovering from cesarean surgery is more painful than labor.. well.. I was up doing the vacuuming after my cesareans haha, there is no way I could have done the vacuuming during my 46 hour long labor.. I couldn't even move lol. The article also says though that women who have less educational are more likely to experience greater labor pains, soo I'd take a lot if what it says with a grain of salt (though I agree with some of it ie being respected and treated with care during the birth process makes things easier etc). I do agree that having a broken heart can be more painful than labor (have been there) and I have had some sexual experiences more painful than labor, but aside from those, labor was the most painful experience of my life. So yeah, some articles might say it's not as painful as other articles make out, but I guess it's just something you have to do yourself before you can decide how painful it is personally for you.

Oh this is the article: http://www.birthingnaturally.net/birth/pain/how.html

[_stillahomosapien_]

I am a demi-ace that is pretty repulsed about pregnancy/childbirth but I wish to have children through adoption. I am not interested in creating my own gene pool, I'd rather give these orphans/abandoned children a home.

I predict at around age 25 I'll have 12-15 children.

[Mx.Jekyll]

I don't have an issue with having sex to get pregnant or being pregnant. I have an issue with pushing out the child. No thanks.

That's totally unrelated to my asexuality though.

[imgone]

I am not repulsed by sex but I am repulsed by pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I do very much want children one day, and I'm really interested in genetics so the idea of not having at least one biological child saddens me a little, but that is not reason enough for me to put my body to a use I find disturbing, and it's the only reason I can think of for why I'd do it. Adoption's probably the way to go for me.

[pipsuxx]

i find pregnancy/childbirth far more repulsive than most sexual activities myself!! it's terrifying to me. the closest to a portrayal of how i feel about it i have ever seen in the media is the mother in 'we need to talk about kevin' and the whole point is that she is an awful and neglectful parent, haha.

[Tsubaki]

I don't think it's that related to being asexual. I, myself, find pregnancy amazing. My aunt is currently pregnant and 8 months along so she has a pretty big belly now, and when you put your hand on it sometimes the baby kicks and it's a wonderful feeling. It's really nice

I, however, don't want children of my own(My mom will probably be disappointed, but there's still my brother, I hope)

[FreyLokey]

I agree with a lot of people here that it has nothing to do with being asexual. I am very repulsed by the idea of pregnancy and childbirth ever since middle school showed us that NOVA's "Miracle of Life" doc and just the idea of having another human being inside of me is just *shudders*, on top of my mother telling me how they sometimes have to perform episiostomy. Wow, no thanks.

[FOXracingfan]

I want children, and I want to experience pregnancy. I just don't want to have sex to conceive a child and I don't want to give birth. So you see my dilemma

[Redkale]

I totally get this...it must be tough whether you want children or not as an asexual/demi, etc. I wonder if there was any research out there linking these two things? Mind you, there is barely enough knowledge spread around for asexuals...so I doubt it

[Annie Mali A.]

Ah ~ this is a pretty interesting thread.

Well, I guess from an objective standpoint, it seems like an asexual would be more likely to be repulsed by pregnancy and childbirth simply because, most of the time at least, sex is mandatory.

Actually, it appears that I'm in the minority here then. I personally have no problem with getting pregnant, nor with giving birth. I'm nervous about the pain and such, but my mother had a lot less pain than normal while giving birth to both my sister and I, so I'm not as worried as I probably should be. The doctors said it probably had something to do with her being vegetarian *shrugs*.

Of course, there's this barrier of me not being interested in sex. Whatever, if worst comes to worst, I can always give a home to a child who has lost their parents.

[Sally]

Believe me, it's extremely, extremely, extremely painful. Like, more painful than you can imagine. And I didn't even get to the 'pushing it out' part :P. I was in labor for 46 hours with my second child before going in for an emergency C section (my first was also a C but I had only been in labor for a little while with her) ..and the labor was like nothing I can describe. C sections are also awful, they puncture your spine with 3 inch long needles and you can actually here the needles grating in your bones.. Everything to do with child birth (whether labor, birth, or C section) is painful, awfully so.

Believe me nothing I saw in the media could have prepared me for how painful labor was lol.

That was your experience, not everyone's. Neither birth of my two kids were anything like that, and most stories I've heard from friends weren't that drastic. Generally for a "regular" birth (non-C section), you get lumbar anesthesia with needles, but the site is anesthetized and it's very quick.

[Marshmallow Tree]

I'd rather adopt.

I do feel out of place considering most women find the idea of having a child growing inside them lovely, whereas I see it...differently. Perhaps asexuals are a bit more likely to be more repulsed by pregnancy and birthing but no one knows really. I find giving birth so much worse than pregnancy though. I do commend those that have children of their own though since I could never have the courage to go through all of their ordeals for 9 months (even if I wanted to have my own child).

[Guest]

Everyone I know who has had a baby tells me how badly it hurt and "you never want to go through that, trust me!" lol so I have never been pushed to have a baby like many women. They all said to avoid it if I could :lol: And my mom does things like slice open her arm from wrist to elbow accidentally putting it through a window and just wraps her arm in a towel and goes to work, even though I told her she should get stitches cause it was terrible and bleeding way too much. :s So she's not really sensitive to pain. My grandmother actually hates anyone who breeds animals, because she says having a baby is a pain no one should have to go through. So, growing up hearing about how much of a torture it is, I wasn't really into the whole baby idea to begin with. And, after seeing how different my ideas of raising a child are to a lot of people I know (my partner and I for example disagree on hitting / spanking), I decided it's probably a bad idea to try to have a baby with anyone anyway.

If I ever decide I want kids, I have decided on adoption. Get one more kid out of the foster system, don't have to go through pregnancy/birth. But, I would have to leave my current partner if I wanted kids, because we would end up murdering each other if a child got involved. And the whole single parent thing is tough, finding someone to let you adopt a kid as a single is even worse ...

To answer the OP question : I don't think asexuality has to do with wanting/not wanting kids. Some aces do, some don't.

[Sally]

I've noticed for years that since a birth of a child is a kind of defining experience for many women, they tend to exaggerate what it was like. I was terrified before my daughter was born and was surprised that it wasn't as draconian as I'd heard. With my second child, I heard the same stories but by then I'd realized that stories are sometimes (not always, but sometimes) stories.

But that has nothing to do with whether anyone wants to give birth. If you don't, there's a guaranteed way to not do so: don't have unprotected sex! ;)

[Guest]

I've noticed for years that since a birth of a child is a kind of defining experience for many women, they tend to exaggerate what it was like. I was terrified before my daughter was born and was surprised that it wasn't as draconian as I'd heard. With my second child, I heard the same stories but by then I'd realized that stories are sometimes (not always, but sometimes) stories.

Well, I know with my mom, she wasn't allowed the pain meds because the nurses kept sending her home saying she wasn't dilated, until she nearly gave birth into a toilet she was so far along. And my grandmother was forced into having 9 children one after another after another, until the doctors were begging her husband to sign the form to let her be sterilized (they said they couldn't do it without her husband's permission), because one more birth would likely kill her. So... they had worse times of it than most. My friends had pain meds though and they still said it was awful, of course, pain is a variable that differs per person. My partner considers trying to put contacts in his eyes terrible pain, while most people can put them in with no issue. I know some women say it doesn't hurt/they actually like it. But, still, swollen feet / morning sickness / that much extra weight / birth... sounds terrible to me.

[blue2 sky]

I always thought of labour/birth as the worse thing ever but I read a book once and it described it so beautifully that since then I want a baby.I am currently single so no chance of that happening.It's a painful process but I imagine a magical one too. I would also adopt.

[FallOutAtTheMotionCityDisc]

I'm also pregnancy/birthing repulsed, but I'm also sex-repulsed, so I suspect that's why. I have, however, always loved children, and even when I was very young I said I wanted lots (18, to be exact, until I discovered how children are created). I'm definitely going to adopt/foster someday, but the only way I might "continue on my genepool" (as my Mom so desperately wants me to do, despite knowing I'm ace), is to donate eggs or something. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let me get a surrogate mother to birth my children just because I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of doing it myself :lol:

[mayadee]

I have given birth to three sons. I love my children very much. I could not imagine my life had I not had my sons. Life only made sense to me when I became a mother.

[Alan Degas]

I've always felt pretty neutral about it. Somewhat curious, of course, but mostly just kinda *shrug*

I've experienced pregnancy and birth though, and have a son. He's pretty awesome. The pregnancy was a little physically uncomfortable at times but mostly I felt fine and mentally/emotionally what I felt was mostly just fascination by what my body was doing and what it is capable of.

The labor and birth was also fairly easy. I labored very easily and only really had intense "omfg what did I do???!I'm gonna fucking die!!!" pain by the time pushing contractions hit. Those were a bitch. That and the pushing part itself, obviously. But by the time pushing contractions hit, my body just really took over and despite me panicking and screaming that I couldn't do this, my body just kept going and before I knew it I had squeezed that sucker out and I was done.

Had the most ridiculously intense hormone high for a good couple of days afterwards. Without a doubt the happiest I have ever felt ever.

Physical recovery was a bit of a mess (several stitches plus major blood losss) but it didn't take that long to feel ok and I think 2 months after I felt completely back to normal.

Also, I got my kid out of it and, like I mentioned before, he's pretty damn awesome.

All in all 7/10 experience. Would consider doing it again.

[Salmacis]

I don't have an issue with having sex to get pregnant or being pregnant. I have an issue with pushing out the child. No thanks.

That's totally unrelated to my asexuality though.

That's kinda similar to me (though I identify as Grey A/Demi) - it's the birth part that terrifies me. Having said that, my partner and I do want to have a baby in the next couple of years. The only thing that sucks is that a few months ago I was diagnosed with PCOS and told that I would need fertility treatment (or failing that, IVF) in order to have any chance whatsoever of conceiving. *sigh* - funny how you always want the things you can't have. :(

[Smmk]

I have never in my life met another female besides myself who did not want to have children and/or is repulsed by the idea of being pregnant.

I seriously can not imagine myself being pregnant and think it is pretty weird, even disgusting. But everyone says I will change my mind when I get pregnant, and just don't have these "motherly feelings" yet. Well...I have no intention to get pregnant (like: ever) and I don't want these "motherly feelings" as well :P

[Minty Tea]

I've met plenty of women who adamantly don't want to be mothers. I am one of those. I have literal nightmares about getting pregnant. However, I'm not a fan of kids in general and this has nothing to do with asexuality. I love having nieces and nephews I can hand back to my brother when I'm done with them. So much better than having to raise one myself. :)

[Zosia]

[rh1985]

I have a baby from IVF with donor sperm. If not for the throwing up, I would have enjoyed being pregnant. I loved feeling my daughter move, it was neat. Unfortunately I got really sick at the end and ended up with an emergency c-section. I was terrified of labor but I ended up never being in labor. The c-section wasn't too bad. I had zero interest in sex and I don't see myself ever having sex but I am very happy I chose to have a baby on my own, it was the right decision for me and I have no regrets.