Jump to content

I have so many questions...


petite_tomoyo

Recommended Posts

petite_tomoyo

Hi! I am new here and I try to find answers to my questions about myself and to try to understand myself a little better...

I think I identify as asexual, but I don't know where I am on the spectrum. I had sex with a boy when I was much younger and probably because of the social pressure to do so, so I can feel "normal"... I didn't feel any form of pleasure from it, and I know I wasn't sexually, romantically or physically attracted to him, but we were in a committed relationship at the time, however it didn't last longer than 4 months.

I don't think I ever really felt romantic attraction, but I can find some people aesthetically pleasing, boys, girls and people that doesn't identify in the gender binary, and wanting to cuddle or kiss them. I may have more erotic and sexual fantasies and thoughts involving the people I find aesthetically pleasing, but as soon as I think "this could happen for real" I become repulsed by that idea.

I used to masturbate on a fairly regular basis (around once a month or once every two months) and I had a slight pleasure from it, but nothing astounding. It was like drinking a glass of water when you are really thirsty or removing your shoes after having them on all day. However, in the past year and a half or so, my degree of pleasure did lower a lot, and the frequency I would do it too. Now, I almost doesn't feel any form of "relief" like I used to do... Masturbating almost feel like nothing at all, like touching my elbow or leg for example.

I wonder if I belong in the asexual spectrum if I have sexual thoughts but I know I would be repulsed by it if it would happen for real? Am I aromantic if I didn't ever felt strong romantic attraction to people, and only physical attraction? And what does romantic attraction feels like, I wish I knew...

I hope you guys can help me figure out about things a little better...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi! I am new here and I try to find answers to my questions about myself and to try to understand myself a little better...

I think I identify as asexual, but I don't know where I am on the spectrum. I had sex with a boy when I was much younger and probably because of the social pressure to do so, so I can feel "normal"... I didn't feel any form of pleasure from it, and I know I wasn't sexually, romantically or physically attracted to him, but we were in a committed relationship at the time, however it didn't last longer than 4 months.

Hello there, welcome to aven.

As for finding where you are on the spectrum, I'll try to help. You describe that you had sex, but you felt social pressure instead of it being due to attraction. I don't see how this could be anything against the possibility of you being asexual.

I don't think I ever really felt romantic attraction, but I can find some people aesthetically pleasing, boys, girls and people that doesn't identify in the gender binary, and wanting to cuddle or kiss them. I may have more erotic and sexual fantasies and thoughts involving the people I find aesthetically pleasing, but as soon as I think "this could happen for real" I become repulsed by that idea.

Ok, if you don't feel any romantic attraction, but you do find people aesthetically pleasing. This sounds like aromantic with aesthetic attraction.

I used to masturbate on a fairly regular basis (around once a month or once every two months) and I had a slight pleasure from it, but nothing astounding. It was like drinking a glass of water when you are really thirsty or removing your shoes after having them on all day. However, in the past year and a half or so, my degree of pleasure did lower a lot, and the frequency I would do it too. Now, I almost doesn't feel any form of "relief" like I used to do... Masturbating almost feel like nothing at all, like touching my elbow or leg for example.

Yeah, I'm the same in this regard. Nothing too important here. Having a libido, then it slowly starts decreasing.

I wonder if I belong in the asexual spectrum if I have sexual thoughts but I know I would be repulsed by it if it would happen for real? Am I aromantic if I didn't ever felt strong romantic attraction to people, and only physical attraction? And what does romantic attraction feels like, I wish I knew...

I hope you guys can help me figure out about things a little better...

To me it sounds like you are an Aromantic Asexual, but that up to you to decide if this fits you or not. As for what does romantic attraction feels like, I sadly cannot answer that one for you.
By physical attraction are you speaking about aesthetic attraction?
Link to post
Share on other sites
petite_tomoyo

Thank you for your kind and structured answer! ^_^ :cake:

By physical attraction, I mean aesthetic attraction but also the fact that I see myself cuddling and kissing people that I find aesthetically pleasing... But as soon as I start being physically close to someone I don't have a defined relationship with (For example, a member of my family or someone that is clearly "only a friend") I start becoming anxious... I sometimes can't even look at people I find aesthetically pleasing because it makes me feel nervous for some reason... :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, there is nothing unusual with aesthetic attraction, you will find that there are a decent number of people on AVEN that like cuddling. As for becoming anxious when getting close, could it have to do with overstepping personal boundaries?

Link to post
Share on other sites
petite_tomoyo

I think it really depends on the person... I am not anxious when hugging my dad or my best friends because I know our relations will stay that way and they doesn't expect something sexual from my body... But when it come to friends, especially guy friends that our relations may be a little ambiguous, I usually feel super stressed out and I avoid the situation as much as possible... :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah, I understand that. I am not a big fan of hugs, I find I am more accepting if it is family, but I still would prefer not to and get anxious if it isn't a family member.

I personally don't see anything wrong with that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...