Morning Glory Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Got at least 2, but I think they're a lil lame ^_^' "am I the only one?" "nooooh" "am i original?" "noooh" "am i sex-u-al?" "NOOOH!" When I tell them what I am, this is what they see, An ameoba or a plant but not a person like me. I got my black ace ring and I ain't afraid to show it. "asexy and I know it." i wish i could like that multiple times! that was beautiful! XD Link to post Share on other sites
kel naismith Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Hey, you want to hear a dirty joke? A white pig rolls in a puddle of mud. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Hey, you want to hear a dirty joke? A white pig rolls in a puddle of mud. Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty and the pig likes it. Link to post Share on other sites
Morning Glory Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 On 2015-10-19 at 6:01 PM, Scooter Dracon said: Person: I don’t trust asexuals because their brains are not distracted by the matters of the flesh. Where is all that brain power going? I bet it’s going to the over mind, where they are gathering strength to consolidate the whole world. Me: You know too much. Ace & Aro facts: Since sex and romance "are what makes us human", asexual and aromantic people are in fact gods. I don't know if you seen this yet but I felt like I had to share it: http://tinypic.com/r/wi3p08/9 Link to post Share on other sites
meh12 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I was at a party and the song "F***in Problem" came on and I sang the lyrics "yeah I like to F I got an Ffin problem" and I stopped myself and laughed because I SUPER am not qualified to sing that line Link to post Share on other sites
danvers Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I don't remember where I saw this, but I like it: I like my sex like I like my coffee...I don't drink coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Ass is great...as a pack animal. It can carry more than a horse but less than a camiel! Link to post Share on other sites
danvers Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 4 hours ago, chair jockey said: Ass is great...as a pack animal. It can carry more than a horse but less than a camiel! I love this! Plus asses (the animal) are tougher than horses (sorry, horse nerd moment there). Link to post Share on other sites
Morning Glory Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 10 hours ago, Linh Cinder said: I love this! Plus asses (the animal) are tougher than horses (sorry, horse nerd moment there). I'm actually a very nervous rider but I heard that asses and mules are really great with that~ they don't get as easily influenced by the riders mood and they don't get spooked as easily (so I've heard). X3 Not really a joke but here goes: all those pictures of these half-naked or completely naked men or women and the caption is addressing something else in the picture, but it's pretty obvious what they're talking about when the humans are the center and focus of the shot. It's like "look at this coffee maker!" And everyone's commenting on the man's bare butt but I'm still straining to see the coffee maker he's using! It's driving me crazy! I know what the point of it is but now it's got me seriously curious about the coffee maker, but I can't see the darn thing cause the man's in the way! *flails* Link to post Share on other sites
Liù Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 On 8.2.2016 at 7:41 PM, danisanerd said: i love that one! Another of my favorites is "l'm an animal in bed" laying face down in bed: "feed me" "pet me" Its a comic, but i dont have the link to it at the moment Edit: I found the comic! I have another one. Have a postcard where it's written... "I'm so good in bed, I sometimes sleep 10 hours at a stretch..." Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Why don't asexuals like spiders? Cos they they don't like insex. Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 How many asexuals does it take change a lightbulb? Most definitely not 69 Link to post Share on other sites
Ennis Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 6 hours ago, James121 said: Why don't asexuals like spiders? Cos they they don't like insex. Might I point out that spiders aren't insects? Insects have 6 legs. Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 On Saturday, January 30, 2016 at 11:26 AM, Storm Lantern said: Here's a few. Modify for your own preferences. Somebody: What's your type? Ace: Times New Roman. Somebody: What's your cup of tea? Ace: Earl Grey. Hot. Somebody: Who do you want to spend your life with? Ace: BB-8. Somebody: Who do you think is hot? Ace: Probably the Australians. It's summer for them. Grocer: You wanna date? Ace: You don't have any apples? A-hole: F*ck you! Ace: No thanks. Fun fact, I actually use the last one a friend of mine says "f*ck you" sometimes (just as a joke, like when I beat him in a game). He doesn't know I'm ace so it's maybe just funny for me though Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky Angel Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 23 hours ago, Quasar.w said: Fun fact, I actually use the last one a friend of mine says "f*ck you" sometimes (just as a joke, like when I beat him in a game). He doesn't know I'm ace so it's maybe just funny for me though I also say that, to my friend who knows I am ace. We both laugh Link to post Share on other sites
Morning Glory Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Last night I was thinking about an ace joke and I ended up making a combination of a few jokes: "Dat booty though." "Yeah. Ace Pirates aren't interested in anyone's booties." "Okay, but are you maybe an ass person?" "Not really, but I make a pretty good pack mule." "But-" "No, no. Butts are just gross... in fact the whole cigarette are pretty bad." Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 On 12/1/2015 at 8:22 PM, ArteMiss said: I'm an aromantic ace and I'm an archer lol Some time ago I saw a Pokemon pun in an asexual Pokemon group. It's about Swellow using Aerial Ace. The picture was a shadow doing a back flip (which is inaccurate, but whatever). I commented on it that I was a martial artist and I found something wrong. A reply I got back was that I was actually an aerial ace. The only thing wrong with that is that my leg is injured so I'm no longer as close to an aerial as I was previously. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward_pterodactyl Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 I saw this on a t-shirt in another thread awhile ago (although a couple people already mentioned similar jokes): I have an ace up my sleeve! ... It's me. Also, I recently saw a sign in a bookshop declaring with a checklist: Single (unchecked) Taken (unchecked) Building my empire (checked) I also have a really hard time refraining from non-straight jokes bc I don't feel like explaining and people already think I'm a lesbian bc I don't like guys (my powerful secret is that I only truly love dragons) Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 8 hours ago, Ilovecake said: I don’t get it? You don't want to, it's not a very nice slur against Australians Link to post Share on other sites
Zectarash Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 So, I have a class with two other open aces, and when I saw the second one walk in on the first day I said "Now we just need two guys named Jack and we'll have a full house!" Link to post Share on other sites
Anoi Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 On 1/24/2018 at 10:59 AM, Ilovecake said: I don’t get it? New Zealanders make jokes about Australians screwing sheep. Funnily enough Aussies make the same jokes about Kiwis Link to post Share on other sites
Zebrafinch Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Q. What's the most pleasurable thing you can have in bed? A. A hot water bottle I'm sure I can think of a few more... Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 On 24.03.2017 at 8:54 AM, Quasar.w said: Fun fact, I actually use the last one a friend of mine says "f*ck you" sometimes (just as a joke, like when I beat him in a game). He doesn't know I'm ace so it's maybe just funny for me though In Poland there's a saying which translates as "a d... up your ass" - in fact not even homophobic (though surely feeding on anti-gay and anti-anal-sex hostility), usually just a thing said to be nasty to someone. Now I have this friend who is gay and he's a bottom. So with another friend we sometimes tell him "a d... up your ass" and he says "thank you". Link to post Share on other sites
Apersonontheinternet Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Swiggity swooty guess what? I’m not coming for that booty I’m ace Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 On 19/02/2018 at 4:17 PM, Anoi said: New Zealanders make jokes about Australians screwing sheep. Funnily enough Aussies make the same jokes about Kiwis The English say the same about the Welsh Link to post Share on other sites
Scott1989 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 49 minutes ago, Skycaptain said: The English say the same about the Welsh Us in Scotland say it about people from Aberdeen. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 And the sheep say "we hate humans, they're always abewesing us" Link to post Share on other sites
WaywardDaughter Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 On Monday, December 08, 2014 at 11:47 PM, Aworld said: What do you call an expert archer who is not interested in sex or romance? -An aro-ace arrow ace. (Told this one to my friends at school today, and they all facepalmed.) Or ya know Clint Barton aka Hawkeye Link to post Share on other sites
Zebrafinch Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Not mine, but pretty ace: An asexual happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The asexual shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The asexual nods and puts the frog back in his pocket. A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!". The asexual smiles and walks on. Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?" "I'm asexual," he replies. "I'm not interested in sex ... But a talking frog is pretty neat." Posted this one elsewhere, but it belongs here: My old aunts used to tease me at weddings "well girl, do you think you'll be next?" We settled this once I started doing the same to them at funerals. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 On 3/25/2017 at 11:07 AM, Morning Glory said: Last night I was thinking about an ace joke and I ended up making a combination of a few jokes: "Dat booty though." "Yeah. Ace Pirates aren't interested in anyone's booties." "Okay, but are you maybe an ass person?" "Not really, but I make a pretty good pack mule." "But-" "No, no. Butts are just gross... in fact the whole cigarette are pretty bad." That's actually kind of true for me. Before my friend left this earth, I was her perfect shopping buddy. I could hold all her stuff and still find clothing that fits her style. Link to post Share on other sites
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