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_stillahomosapien_

[NSFW] Giving/receiving a BJ

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damage_case

As long as he's 'clean' I quite enjoy giving. I feel less 'guilty' towards my highly-sexual boyfriend as he's getting his needs met without touching me in certain areas.

Plus he's much more caring and happier afterwards.

Define clean please.

''Clean'' just means he has washed his penis. Gone to the effort to peel back his foreskin a little and clean away.. whatever.. might be stuck there etc. Often if genitals haven't been washed (mens or womans) they can have a strong odour and rather unpleasant taste (though some people like the unwashed taste, most prefer if it just tastes like clean skin) .. Genitals, like feet and armpits, sweat. Most people would rather kiss a freshly washed, odourless armpit than a stinky sweaty one, hah. works the same with genitals. Oral is (for many people) more pleasant if they doing it on clean (meaning, washed) genitals.

oh problem solved then. I am very OCD about cleanliness. I obviously have no worries about size... women i cyber with do acknowledge that... hey... my self esteem is a few points up! thanks.

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Jade Cross

I dont quite understand either the mentality that the men have of having to be the ones who have to be directly responsible for pleasing their partners and subsequnetly why is this so tied to an ideal of masculinity.

Because for most men partnered sex is automatically pleasurable (physiologically anyway) to some extent or another. Men are more in ''control'' with the depth, thrusting, etc, and having that stimulation is just a naturally ''pleasurable sensation'' on their penis.. Whereas a womans pleasure can be a lot more complicated, as her parts are very different and it's just.. more complicated making her parts feel good and a lot more complicated making a woman orgasm than it is making a man orgasm, during any form of partnered sexual activity. It can actually be quite easy to 1) hurt her, and 2) her not feel anything good at all, if you don't put a little effort into what you are doing. It's not fair if the sex is only pleasurable for one person (the guy) and the woman is either hurt or gets nothing out of it, which is why it is viewed as ''important'' that the man actively makes an effort to help her feel pleasure and ensure she orgasms. ..Otherwise, the sex was only good for him because he (usually) gets to orgasm regardless. Ideally, both partners actively make an effort to respect the others boundaries and ensure the other is having a wonderful, pleasurable time.

Regarding the masculinity, keeping in mind that penetration especially isn't automatically physically pleasurable for most women the way it is for most men (most women often need ''warming up'' to ensure adequate lubrication, and effort focused on other parts of their genitals and bodies for them to experience pleasure) ... What's more 'manly' to you? A man who sticks his penis into a woman without ensuring she is adequately aroused (meaning she may experience pain) orgasms inside her, then goes and watches TV, or a man who attempts to ensure the woman is aroused enough for sex not to hurt her, and actively involves the woman in the pleasure and helps her orgasm too? To me, one guy is a jerk, the other is a perfect example of gentlemanly masculinity :P guess which one is which haha.

That still leaves the question of why. If women can work things themselves and only require a the men to complement the action with their part, why the need to tie it to the ideal? Whybis the idea dominating ideal the one where the men are the performers while women are projected as basically being incapable of anything unless the men do the job?

As for the masculinity thing, I dont think its manly in either case. Sounds more like a situation of the guy being either a gentleman or being an asshole.

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m4rble

I would prefer not to. My mouth is one of the most sensitive places in my body. I wouldn't want to expose it to all that. It also a little disconcerting to have someone drooling on my genitals.

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FictoVore.

I dont quite understand either the mentality that the men have of having to be the ones who have to be directly responsible for pleasing their partners and subsequnetly why is this so tied to an ideal of masculinity.

Because for most men partnered sex is automatically pleasurable (physiologically anyway) to some extent or another. Men are more in ''control'' with the depth, thrusting, etc, and having that stimulation is just a naturally ''pleasurable sensation'' on their penis.. Whereas a womans pleasure can be a lot more complicated, as her parts are very different and it's just.. more complicated making her parts feel good and a lot more complicated making a woman orgasm than it is making a man orgasm, during any form of partnered sexual activity. It can actually be quite easy to 1) hurt her, and 2) her not feel anything good at all, if you don't put a little effort into what you are doing. It's not fair if the sex is only pleasurable for one person (the guy) and the woman is either hurt or gets nothing out of it, which is why it is viewed as ''important'' that the man actively makes an effort to help her feel pleasure and ensure she orgasms. ..Otherwise, the sex was only good for him because he (usually) gets to orgasm regardless. Ideally, both partners actively make an effort to respect the others boundaries and ensure the other is having a wonderful, pleasurable time. Regarding the masculinity, keeping in mind that penetration especially isn't automatically physically pleasurable for most women the way it is for most men (most women often need ''warming up'' to ensure adequate lubrication, and effort focused on other parts of their genitals and bodies for them to experience pleasure) ... What's more 'manly' to you? A man who sticks his penis into a woman without ensuring she is adequately aroused (meaning she may experience pain) orgasms inside her, then goes and watches TV, or a man who attempts to ensure the woman is aroused enough for sex not to hurt her, and actively involves the woman in the pleasure and helps her orgasm too? To me, one guy is a jerk, the other is a perfect example of gentlemanly masculinity :P guess which one is which haha.
That still leaves the question of why. If women can work things themselves and only require a the men to complement the action with their part, why the need to tie it to the ideal? Whybis the idea dominating ideal the one where the men are the performers while women are projected as basically being incapable of anything unless the men do the job?As for the masculinity thing, I dont think its manly in either case. Sounds more like a situation of the guy being either a gentleman or being an asshole.
The women still do a lot, they don't just lie there and do nothing (unless they aren't into the sex so they literally just lie there and wait for it to be over).. if a woman just lies there then *she* is considered the one lacking in "sexual capablities" (they're always making jokes about "dead fish" abd "starfish" women in comedy) ..And the fact is, unless both people are okay with it and want it, it's just not 'fair' if the man gets to stick his penis into the woman and have her stimulate him in multiple ways, and use her body for him to orgasm, then the woman just has to lie their and masturbate when he's done if she wants to get off because they guy "shouldn't have to bother" (if thats what you're saying?) ..again, that's just someone using another human being sexually and that's not cool unless both partners actively have a kink for that.

Edit: or are you saying women shouldn't bother having sex with men at all if they 'unfairly' desire that the man put effort in to ensure she enjoys the sex as well?

and a man also can "work things himself" by wanking..So why bother being with a woman at all if it's such an undesired effort to ensure she enjoys it as well?

EDIT 2: it's just a fact that women are physiologically designed to pretty much *reaquire* that the partner actively engage in helping her enjoy it, or it's very hard for the woman to enjoy it. Sex has a huge psychological and emotional component, it's not just "someone is stimulating me so I'm getting off" ..many women need all the factors combined to be able to get pleasure from sex. That's just how nature designed them.

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damage_case

I dont quite understand either the mentality that the men have of having to be the ones who have to be directly responsible for pleasing their partners and subsequnetly why is this so tied to an ideal of masculinity.

Because for most men partnered sex is automatically pleasurable (physiologically anyway) to some extent or another. Men are more in ''control'' with the depth, thrusting, etc, and having that stimulation is just a naturally ''pleasurable sensation'' on their penis.. Whereas a womans pleasure can be a lot more complicated, as her parts are very different and it's just.. more complicated making her parts feel good and a lot more complicated making a woman orgasm than it is making a man orgasm, during any form of partnered sexual activity. It can actually be quite easy to 1) hurt her, and 2) her not feel anything good at all, if you don't put a little effort into what you are doing. It's not fair if the sex is only pleasurable for one person (the guy) and the woman is either hurt or gets nothing out of it, which is why it is viewed as ''important'' that the man actively makes an effort to help her feel pleasure and ensure she orgasms. ..Otherwise, the sex was only good for him because he (usually) gets to orgasm regardless. Ideally, both partners actively make an effort to respect the others boundaries and ensure the other is having a wonderful, pleasurable time. Regarding the masculinity, keeping in mind that penetration especially isn't automatically physically pleasurable for most women the way it is for most men (most women often need ''warming up'' to ensure adequate lubrication, and effort focused on other parts of their genitals and bodies for them to experience pleasure) ... What's more 'manly' to you? A man who sticks his penis into a woman without ensuring she is adequately aroused (meaning she may experience pain) orgasms inside her, then goes and watches TV, or a man who attempts to ensure the woman is aroused enough for sex not to hurt her, and actively involves the woman in the pleasure and helps her orgasm too? To me, one guy is a jerk, the other is a perfect example of gentlemanly masculinity :P guess which one is which haha.
That still leaves the question of why. If women can work things themselves and only require a the men to complement the action with their part, why the need to tie it to the ideal? Whybis the idea dominating ideal the one where the men are the performers while women are projected as basically being incapable of anything unless the men do the job?As for the masculinity thing, I dont think its manly in either case. Sounds more like a situation of the guy being either a gentleman or being an asshole.
The women still do a lot, they don't just lie there and do nothing (unless they aren't into the sex so they literally just lie there and wait for it to be over).. if a woman just lies there then *she* is considered the one lacking in "sexual capablities" (they're always making jokes about "dead fish" abd "starfish" women in comedy) ..And the fact is, unless both people are okay with it and want it, it's just not 'fair' if the man gets to stick his penis into the woman and have her stimulate him in multiple ways, and use her body for him to orgasm, then the woman just has to lie their and masturbate when he's done if she wants to get off because they guy "shouldn't have to bother" (if thats what you're saying?) ..again, that's just someone using another human being sexually and that's not cool unless both partners actively have a kink for that.

Edit: or are you saying women shouldn't bother having sex with men at all if they 'unfairly' desire that the man put effort in to ensure she enjoys the sex as well?

I will go on record saying that that is not how most men think. I for one do think that women are the fairer sex and need to be pleasured more than men. Or maybe I have a slave mentality... I'd go to extreme lengths to please a woman. Ofcourse if she isnt reciprocating I'd be hurt... but as long as shes happy and thankful, Im happy.

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Jade Cross

I dont quite understand either the mentality that the men have of having to be the ones who have to be directly responsible for pleasing their partners and subsequnetly why is this so tied to an ideal of masculinity.

Because for most men partnered sex is automatically pleasurable (physiologically anyway) to some extent or another. Men are more in ''control'' with the depth, thrusting, etc, and having that stimulation is just a naturally ''pleasurable sensation'' on their penis.. Whereas a womans pleasure can be a lot more complicated, as her parts are very different and it's just.. more complicated making her parts feel good and a lot more complicated making a woman orgasm than it is making a man orgasm, during any form of partnered sexual activity. It can actually be quite easy to 1) hurt her, and 2) her not feel anything good at all, if you don't put a little effort into what you are doing. It's not fair if the sex is only pleasurable for one person (the guy) and the woman is either hurt or gets nothing out of it, which is why it is viewed as ''important'' that the man actively makes an effort to help her feel pleasure and ensure she orgasms. ..Otherwise, the sex was only good for him because he (usually) gets to orgasm regardless. Ideally, both partners actively make an effort to respect the others boundaries and ensure the other is having a wonderful, pleasurable time. Regarding the masculinity, keeping in mind that penetration especially isn't automatically physically pleasurable for most women the way it is for most men (most women often need ''warming up'' to ensure adequate lubrication, and effort focused on other parts of their genitals and bodies for them to experience pleasure) ... What's more 'manly' to you? A man who sticks his penis into a woman without ensuring she is adequately aroused (meaning she may experience pain) orgasms inside her, then goes and watches TV, or a man who attempts to ensure the woman is aroused enough for sex not to hurt her, and actively involves the woman in the pleasure and helps her orgasm too? To me, one guy is a jerk, the other is a perfect example of gentlemanly masculinity :P guess which one is which haha.
That still leaves the question of why. If women can work things themselves and only require a the men to complement the action with their part, why the need to tie it to the ideal? Whybis the idea dominating ideal the one where the men are the performers while women are projected as basically being incapable of anything unless the men do the job?As for the masculinity thing, I dont think its manly in either case. Sounds more like a situation of the guy being either a gentleman or being an asshole.
The women still do a lot, they don't just lie there and do nothing (unless they aren't into the sex so they literally just lie there and wait for it to be over).. if a woman just lies there then *she* is considered the one lacking in "sexual capablities" (they're always making jokes about "dead fish" abd "starfish" women in comedy) ..And the fact is, unless both people are okay with it and want it, it's just not 'fair' if the man gets to stick his penis into the woman and have her stimulate him in multiple ways, and use her body for him to orgasm, then the woman just has to lie their and masturbate when he's done if she wants to get off because they guy "shouldn't have to bother" (if thats what you're saying?) ..again, that's just someone using another human being sexually and that's not cool unless both partners actively have a kink for that.

Edit: or are you saying women shouldn't bother having sex with men at all if they 'unfairly' desire that the man put effort in to ensure she enjoys the sex as well?

and a man also can "work things himself" by wanking..So why bother being with a woman at all if it's such an undesired effort to ensure she enjoys it as well?

EDIT 2: it's just a fact that women are physiologically designed to pretty much *reaquire* that the partner actively engage in helping her enjoy it, or it's very hard for the woman to enjoy it. Sex has a huge psychological and emotional component, it's not just "someone is stimulating me so I'm getting off" ..many women need all the factors combined to be able to get pleasure from sex. That's just how nature designed them.

My point was more centered around each one, separately achieving orgasm without the input of the other. Basically the men do their thing alone and the same with women since its easier to get off alone because you know what makes you "tick" in that area. But I suppose that would defeat the purpose of a partnered activity.

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FictoVore.

My point was more centered around each one, separately achieving orgasm without the input of the other. Basically the men do their thing alone and the same with women since its easier to get off alone because you know what makes you "tick" in that area. But I suppose that would defeat the purpose of a partnered activity.

Yeah that's not partnered sex, that's masturbation :p ..There is a massive difference in the dynamics of partnered sex compared to masturbation alone (even if you are both lying in bed and masturbating yourselves simultaneously.. It's hugely, indescribably different once you are trying to ''work'' with each others bodies and each others pleasure hah. Orgasm is also (for many people) a lot more pleasurable when someone else gives it to you (emotionally pleasurable as well as physically) ..Just like when you massage your own foot it's like ''meh'' but when someone else massages your foot for you it's omg amaaaazing <3 (but that only applies to people who enjoy massages, I couldn't think of a better example as I'm in a hurry) .. But the main reason most people engage in partnered sex (if it's not solely for reproduction) is for that partnered sexual experience, and it is the responsibility of both partners to make an effort to ensure it is a pleasurable, enjoyable, fun experience for the other.

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Hazelton
On 12/3/2014 at 5:31 AM, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

TMI

I actually have a fetish for body fluids and erm.. well mild cannibalism, so I don't mind (actually quite enjoy) giving a blowjob for the body fluids involved if I'm in love with the person and if it isn't going to lead to (EDIT: vaginal) sex - which I've found is actually impossible for sexual people really..lol (my partner is ace though and is not interested in blowjobs or anything else involving his..ahem.. so that's fine!) .. I hate receiving oral though, it's awful! Ugh. But yeah, I don't mind giving because of the body fluids involved etc. It's not a sexual thing for me though, just to be clear. It's erm, more a cannibalistic thing haha. I'll stop there :o

EDIT: I have been asked before if this makes me Gray instead of asexual. I feel that it's not 'important' enough to me in any way, for it to make me Gray instead of ace.. like.. I will happily go the rest of my life not giving them, because my partner doesn't want it, and there is no way in hell I'd get with a sexual person just for the sake of body fluids haha.. no fekking way. No fetish is worth having to have sex! So yeah, I'm perfectly happy to keep it a mind-based-fetish for the rest of my life :)

EDIT2: And just to be clear, it's the fluids I have the fetish for, not the sex act lol. I'd happily just drink them out of a cup lol :P

I know this is super late but I was just reading through some old threads. I'm actually the opposite to you, I have no desire to receive a blowjob but the idea of someone drinking my semen does excite me. I have no interest in sex or the act, I would happily just watch it drunk out of a cup hahah. That probably sounds disgusting but it's the truth so yeah.

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will123

I've never been in a situation to receive one nor have I any interest in giving.

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will123

I'll add something else. I've tasted my own ejaculate while "exploring" and completely agree wirh a person notwanting to "give" because of the fluids.

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_V_
On 1/17/2017 at 9:56 AM, will123 said:

I'll add something else. I've tasted my own ejaculate while "exploring" and completely agree wirh a person notwanting to "give" because of the fluids.

It makes you wonder: If someone labeled a food "sweaty snot" flavor, would they try it, just to see what it tasted like?

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philipalexm7
On Tuesday, December 02, 2014 at 3:01 PM, _stillahomosapien_ said:

I have not experienced sucking a "hotdog" yet but was just wondering if this has ever passed an ace's mind.

I have been reading about these on some bi message boards, some from male to male, but most are the "normal" type. They keep on talking about how good it feels, and this has been in my curiosity for ages, even well before I identified as ace. But does any other ace seem to desire to give/receive a blow?

I have desire or actually better said wish to receive a blowjob but to be honost when I was a kid ofcourse I didnt yet know about asexuality I was giving blowjob to some my old friends but I have put that behind me cause today I am not proud of it.

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philipalexm7
On Tuesday, December 02, 2014 at 3:01 PM, _stillahomosapien_ said:

 

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philipalexm7
38 minutes ago, philipalexm7 said:
On Tuesday, December 02, 2014 at 3:01 PM, _stillahomosapien_ said:

I have not experienced sucking a "hotdog" yet but was just wondering if this has ever passed an ace's mind.

I have been reading about these on some bi message boards, some from male to male, but most are the "normal" type. They keep on talking about how good it feels, and this has been in my curiosity for ages, even well before I identified as ace. But does any other ace seem to desire to give/receive 

But problem is I never received any but that is my wish.

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Lovelykat

Yeah, I like the idea of receiving honestly better than the idea of PIV sex (which I have yet to have!) 

I've never received, but my best friend says it's wonderful so now I'm very curious about it. Strangely enough, I feel like I would enjoy it better than traditional sex...it just sounds more fun and less stressful to me, just sitting back and enjoying the pleasure and not having to worry about if I'm doing things right or not! 

I have given yeah, which can be fun just for the fact that you can make your partner go wild with it, plus (TMI Alert) I don't mind the fluids and I guess a lot of girls do, so in the past whenever that would happen, guys would look at me like I was magical lol. 

But also I really don't have much in the way of sexual desire, so all this would have to be on my terms. If I'm not in the mood, it would be nearly impossible for me to do any of the above things without crying afterwards and feeling awful, I know this from experience...

 

 

 

 

 

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InariYana

I received oral many times and it wasn't anything amazing. Giving is just unpleasant and I'm quite repulsed by it. Feeling inside the mouth, movements, flavours - gross. Also, I've seen porn with women giving oral and it just looked plain stupid to me :D and a little humiliating. I just couldn't have it in my mouth, look up and ah-mmhm-ahmm-slurp... If someone's desperate I could do it, but they'd better cook me a 3 course Masterchef dinner afterwards as a thank you...:D 

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Master Ghost

Actually, I have done both and it's definitely an interesting (to say the least) feeling. When I was receiving head it felt incredible. It was very orgasmic, even before the initial orgasm. If I were to describe it I would use the word bliss, or being in a state of total euphoria. The orgasm part is annoying sometimes because it feels like it's built up but then it takes a while (sometimes) to let it out.  

 

As for giving a BJ, that was certainly something I never thought I would do. It was interesting that I enjoyed it!

 

I am not asexual by the way, just moving out of the virgin territory slowly lol.

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Mal334

Okay so blowjobs are the main sexual thing that I have done. My last two bohfriends loved them, and since we didn't see each other often it got to the point where a BJ was e'xpected' at the end of ever visit. This was before I knew that I was ace, and I wanted to try sexual things in hopes of finding something that I liked. Of course I hate all of it sooooo.

 

Giving one is weird for me because I am kind of just down there waiting for him to be done trying to think of ways to make it go faster. I hated every minute of it though I never said anything.

 

I know the post was about giving and receiving blowjobs, but I wanted to mention that for me a guy 'eating me out' feels weird too. It is just awkward for me, and I have never even come close to having an orgaism from it. I just hate the idea of someone having their face down there. 

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Alexandmb

I've never thought about giving or receiving oral sex. I don't know, its one of the most irrelevant parts of sex IMHO. 

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catscatscats

I actually really like giving blow jobs to my husband. It's one of the few things we can do (I'm asexual and he's sexual) together that doesn't cause me any stress. I don't have any issues touching him or performing sexual act on him, it's just that most of the time when he used to try to get me involved, I would get super anxious. Not because I didn't love or trust him, but because I don't like being touched sexually ever.

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catscatscats

@Mal334 I get that. Although I do like giving blow jobs, it doesn't mean I like doing it every time. And as for receiving, I tried so hard for the longest time to like it. I finally took a long break (a year, actually) to decide if I wanted it or not. I tried again, but then realized that I got nothing out of it and was more anxious than anything. In my mind, there was also not a point to it because I haven't had an orgasm ever (by myself or with my husband), so it always felt like a waste of time.

I know they say the point of sex isn't just to have an orgasm, but since I don't understand why people have sex in the first place, since I don't have any libido/drive/desire, and since love and sex aren't connected to me, I struggled to find a reason for sex.

 

Sorry that was a side tangent...

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shinyinternetalpaca

I've given a total of one blowjob. We won't go into why...
Not a fan, I have a terrible gag reflex and the positions we were in weren't helping. I also hate the taste.

I guess I wouldn't be adverse to giving the right person a blowjob, as long as they didn't finish in my mouth.

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m4rble
On 7/11/2017 at 0:11 PM, Alexandmb said:

I've never thought about giving or receiving oral sex. I don't know, its one of the most irrelevant parts of sex IMHO. 

Are there any relevant parts to sex?

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WhiteWolf1

I prefer Handjob or Footjob over Oral.

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will123
On 8/11/2017 at 11:30 AM, shinyinternetalpaca said:

I've given a total of one blowjob. We won't go into why...
Not a fan, I have a terrible gag reflex and the positions we were in weren't helping. I also hate the taste.

I guess I wouldn't be adverse to giving the right person a blowjob, as long as they didn't finish in my mouth.

Knowing what I know, that is a perfect reason to not want to do it  without a condom. As much in theory it may appeal to the person receiving it, it could turn out to be a horrible experience for the giver.

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Shoggoth

I actually kind of enjoy giving BJs. I still don't get anything out of it, but I'm not uncomfortable or super bored (as I am during sex). It's not really sexual for me though. It's more like a kind of puzzle? For example; I really enjoy giving massages, to humans, animals, kale, whatever. It's a kind of tactile puzzle for my fingers and I like making people feel pleasant sensations. I view oral in kind of the same way. It's a pleasure puzzle.

That being said, I do prefer to stop before I get slimed. Heh.

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GLRDT
On 12/2/2014 at 8:01 AM, _stillahomosapien_ said:

I have not experienced sucking a "hotdog" yet but was just wondering if this has ever passed an ace's mind.

I have been reading about these on some bi message boards, some from male to male, but most are the "normal" type. They keep on talking about how good it feels, and this has been in my curiosity for ages, even well before I identified as ace. But does any other ace seem to desire to give/receive a blow?

I don't desire to but I've done it. And you know it's really hard to find tips on how to do it well.....and I have a tiny mouth so it's difficult. Funny embarrassing story. One time I pulled my tongue doing it. Probably one of the more painful muscles you can pull. Ha ha. Usually I try to avoid blow jobs, but I'm willing to try if a guy really likes them and I care about him. I think oral sex is kind of gross for either sex. Well intercourse sex is too but I've been able to become more ok with that idea than oral sex. But I can do oral sex, I usually just have way too many thoughts going on though to actually enjoy anything.

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