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Asexuals who aren't sex-repulsed with sexual experience


PatheticGirl

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Thanks to all of you for sharing your experience. What I'm learning from your experience that if sex doesn't turn out to be a trauma, it will still be boring and feel like a chore. Only happiness for a ace would be the closeness the sexual partner will show.

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Janus the Fox

Not repulsed nor not 'attracted to' the interest in sex. No experience or no interest in experiencing it. As things are I can have sex with any man or woman I wanted, if I ever wanted it.

I'm not even repulsed with most of anything fetishistic and often my Fetishism roleplaying reflect that lack of repulsion. I could give examples but ya know... It gets creepy, discusting, dark and skirts the fine line of criminality.

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Beyourownspotlight

I've had sex with males, and females (well, one of each).

To me, it's about pleasing my partner. I'd prefer to focus on them, though.

I'm putting a spoiler, in case I get a little too TMI and upset anyone.

Like I said, to me sex is about pleasing my partner, if that's what they're into. I can go without sex, it doesn't bother me either way. I'm not repulsed, I'm just mostly indifferent. I suppose I can still get turned on, arousal still does happen (I blame hormones-- though it's been basically pretty consistent since my nexplanon implant has settled--- thank god for birth control) from time to time, it's probably just something my body needs to deal with, I don't know I've never really thought about it to be honest. It's never made me want to go out and have sex with anyone though. Anyway, both of my partners, before we'd started dating we were very close (best) friends. So there was a huge, strong emotional connection there, I think that's important for anyone having sex (trust. Trust is very important for sex).

I did prefer to do the touching, than be touched. I didn't really mind if it was using my hand, or mouth, or whatever, I just preferred to be touching them. It's almost unpleasant for me to be touched like that for too long. I don't know if it's an over-sensitive thing, or if some wire got crossed wrong in me, and the pleasure I'm supposed to feel turned to pain. I dunno. But it's not really pleasant. The guy I was with always wanted to (he asked every time) 'get me off' after I'd get him off, and I'd just sort of laugh and say it was okay, I didn't need to get off, or finish or whatever it was he thought. The girl was more understanding, I think she got the whole ace thing more than he did. She'd ask, but she'd never push it if I said no thanks.

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Beyourownspotlight

Thanks to all of you for sharing your experience. What I'm learning from your experience that if sex doesn't turn out to be a trauma, it will still be boring and feel like a chore. Only happiness for a ace would be the closeness the sexual partner will show.

Because I'm dumb, I sometimes post without reading all the other replies first.

There are aces out there who do enjoy sex. I enjoy giving sexual pleasure to other people. It depends on the person, but it's not boring per say. I love watching how someone reacts to the different ways you manipulate their body.

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Ohh... so aces do enjoy sex too. Sorry, I wasn't sure about it. What kind of partners you enjoy sex with? Is it just anyone kind or you need emotional bonding with them?

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Ohh... so aces do enjoy sex too. Sorry, I wasn't sure about it. What kind of partners you enjoy sex with? Is it just anyone kind or you need emotional bonding with them?

I have to have the emotional bond, otherwise it's crap. Can't have one night stands or anything random.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I want to understand if there are any asexuals who have had sex in their life, how they felt about it.

My intent is to know from those who actually aren't sex-repulsed but on their own doesn't see sex anything needed. Does it gives same trauma as to a sex-repulsed individual? Or is it more related to your partner, how he treats you, how closely are you bonded, what is level of commitment of your relationship, etc etc?

I do it to please my partner(s). I don't find sex to be personally trauma inducing. If we are bonded then I am more open to having sex with them because I want to please them as a way of taking care of them. If it is important to them and they are kind, I don't see a problem with it.

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Ohh... so aces do enjoy sex too. Sorry, I wasn't sure about it. What kind of partners you enjoy sex with? Is it just anyone kind or you need emotional bonding with them?

Some asexuals enjoy it; some don't. I never did, even though I had emotional bonding with both partners.

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FireBendingAce

According to most definitions of sex, i.e penetrative sex or oral sex (but really the concept of virginity and what constitutes sex is really flawed), I haven't *technically* had it. However, my ex and I did a lot of sexual things together, so I still feel like I can talk about this topic a little bit.

First of all, I feel the need to point out that we were pretty young when having most of these experiences- basically ranging ages 14-18. I did not know at any point in our relationship that I was asexual (which, is a whole other thing that I could go into but I won't), but we really couldn't have "all the way" sex for the first time anyway because his family was very strictly catholic, and so the religious pressure on us was pretty huge.

I'm somewhere between being sex-indifferent and sex-favorable. When we did sexual things together, I really did enjoy it most of the time. Why? Well, I think because of a combination of the fact that 1. I enjoyed the emotional intimacy and the sort of "romantic" atmosphere that came with it, and 2. I do have an average libido, and sometimes it's nice to have someone scratch that itch (at the time, I did not masturbate either, so I wasn't really aware of the fact that I could please myself). At the same time, I never had a lot of trouble with "stopping" where we were at. I mean, I did want to eventually have sex with him, but it wasn't as much of a "pressing matter" to me as it seemed to be to him.

For me I guess, it had to do a lot with trust. When I was sexual with him, it came from a place of "hey, I trust you and love you enough to let you touch/see my body, which isn't something I afford to most people. I love you."

It only became traumatic for me when we got older and he started being.. Well, kind of a douche about it. See, we had a long, painful history and after a while I had kind of lost my trust for him. Meanwhile, he had gone to college and started wanting me to commit to doing different sexual acts with him. He wouldn't understand that I needed to build my trust back up with him first.

I haven't had much of a relationship with anyone since, so I don't know how it might be different knowing what I know about myself now. But I kind of figure that if I'm in a relationship with an allosexual person again that it will go somewhat the same way.

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depending on how sex-repulsed i'm feeling at the time (i have a lot of flux in that part of my identity, which can get seriously irritating for me and confusing for my partner) i can enjoy sexual activities but i've only ever been intimate with one person. i find being with another cis girl quite non-threatening because there's less of a 'conventional' way to do things than there is with penis in vagina sex, if you know what i mean. i don't find the prospect of oral sex at all appealing and as a consequence we've never tried it but i can enjoy manual stimulation and don't mind giving it (though i get more pleasure from knowing i'm pleasing her than from the actual act itself, if you get me?). i think it's more that i'm very comfortable with her as a person and so i'm able to enjoy the physical pleasure. i don't find it intensifies my emotional/romantic attachment to her but if that attachment wasn't there i would be nervous and not enjoy it at all/feel much stronger repulsion, i think.

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  • 1 month later...

I really have tried to understand, from a sexual person's POV, what it would be like to really "want" sex. The last relationship I was in, he had a very high libido and of course mine was basically nil. But I took it as an opportunity to really, I don't know, study his enjoyment of sex so I could attempt to understand it? Eventually, of course, he just couldn't help but take my indifference to sex personally (even though I tried time and time again to explain to him that it really wasn't his fault!) and the relationship ended. Subsequently, in isolated sexual experiences, I've just considered it research, I guess. An attempt to understand why and how sex matters to sexual people.

So, I wouldn't say I'm sex-repulsed because on the occasions when it was imminent I just intellectualized it to keep from being bored. But I certainly don't desire or seek it out. I think I can understand why people might, though. I mean, clearly if there is a biological imperative and they are driven by hormones and are having a pleasurable reaction, than why wouldn't they be excited about it?

I, on the other hand, might be comparatively excited about a new book arriving in the post, ha ha.

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