Saël Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Hello everybody ! I would like to discuss here one of the reasons which makes sex unattractive for me. I physically can't reach an orgasm. And before you ask, it is not a problem of 'Finding the right person' or 'Doing it right', not, I went to a gynecologist, crying because I couldn't have any orgasm, and after some tests, he came back telling me that I had to much nerves in my genital zone. The application of this fact is simply that, at one point, depending on the intensity and the frequency of the physical stimulation, the pleasure becomes pure pain. Well, it is not very fun to live with, but today I accept it totally. I don't know anyone who has the same problem or a similar problem, but I would like to see if someone can relate to this. And, too, if one of you is kind enough to open up a bit, I would like to know what orgasms feel like. I'm curious about it ! Thank you for reading, and answering if you do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 TMI ahead Well, I am able to reach orgasm (as long as I don't actually touch myself) but I have a condition called vestibulodynia which means any touch, and especially penetration, causes me mind numbing searing pain lol. I likened it to be stabbed once, but then someone here said "you should try getting stabbed, then you can stop complaining about sex" :o so I'll liken it to something that has happened to me instead, boiling water burns heh. Its like it would feel if you had boiling water poured into your vagina and over your clitoris. Is that what orgasm feels like for you or different? Anyway I'm pretty sure we are talking about very different things (though I have met someone else here in chat who said that orgasm causes them extreme pain) .. but yeah, for me it's stimulation itself that causes the pain, not orgasm. I can orgasm as long easy clitoris/vulva/hole is not actually being touched.. I have to hold a towel and rub that over my underwear, with my legs closed, to orgasm.. very complicated haha (it's what would be called an outer labia orgasm) .. but as long as I do that (with no actual touching of my clitoris or my hole) I can orgasm and orgasm doesn't cause me significant discomfort. I will say quickly that no, this is not the cause of my asexuality (just for anyone who is wondering).. even at times when I have been able to be pain free during sex (using a special kind of gel that numbs nerve endings) I have been no more interested in the sex than other times, sexual contact itself is just something I am not interested in, I don't desire it, and don't feel 'empty' or sad or anything when I don't have it. I have read of other women with vestibulodynia and/or vulvodynia who are *miserable* because they are unable to have sex.. They feel like a huge part of their intimacy and enjoyment of life is missing, and I have even read of women who want to commit suicide because of not being able to have sex due to the pain. That's how I know I'm not asexual because of my sexual pain. If I didn't have pain, sex would be no more important to me, because it's just not something I desire, regardless of how aroused I am. So yeah, just clearing that up for anyone who thinks "oh you're not asexual, you just don't want sex because it hurts" .. nope, I just don't desire or enjoy sex and that's all there is to it :p the only advantage I can see to being pain free would be being able to use tampons heh. Oh just saw your last comment about "what does orgasm feel like?".. orgasm just feels like a long peak, or a nice ache sort of.. like during masturbation, there is just that feeling of stimulation, then (as all the blood flows back) it's like a peak in pleasure.. a nice ache.. followed by really fast heart beating (because of the blood rush) and being short of breath etc. Its nice at the time, but afterwards it's just like "meh glad that's over, back to watching YouTube video clips" or whatever haha..that's how it is for me anyway. I don't care for orgasm, it's just something I have to have, to get rid of annoying arousal. If I don't sort out arousal, I get tense and stressed out, can't concentrate etc, so it's best to just get rid of it asap. Some women however experience extremely strong orgasms that reach (through their muscles and nerves) right down their legs and up into their scalps etc (that's called a full body orgasm) and sometimes the muscles can spasm so strongly that a woman can ejaculate out her urethra (it's like seminal fluid without the semen, it's not pee) .. I'm told when this happens it feels first like a strong need to urinate (from the pressure on the bladder/the muscles around it spasming) followed by intense waves of pleasure. Then afterwards you get quite a sense of relaxation, though not all people get this. Orgasms also feel different depending on where you have them. People (men and women) can actually have anal orgasms from stimulation of the anus during arousal, as well as clitoral, urethral, vaginal and labia orgasms (some women can even have orgasms just from nipple stimulation). They all feel different (apparently vaginal, or g-spot orgasms, are the strongest, but they are harder for many women to have).. Also orgasm feels different for everyone who has them, what I described is only a basic guideline :) Not sure if that helped at all :o Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Saël Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Thank you for answering Aotearoan ! Its like it would feel if you had boiling water poured into your vagina and over your clitoris. Is that what orgasm feels like for you or different ? To answer this question, I think I have to repeat : I can't have orgasm. Like, at all... So, I guess you meant how does the pain feel. Well it's a throbbing, pulsing pain spread generally from my clitoris. This pain doesn't go further than my genitals but it's horrifyingly intense and it can last for a long time. When it happends I just stop all stimulation and go take a cold, very cold bath, because it relieves the tension and calms the pain. It's interesting... So there are different types of orgasm ? I didn't really know that. In fact, I guess I didn't really want to know before this day. Didn't want to know what I was missing. I guess I'll only learn more and more on this site ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Oooh okay I thought you can't experience the feelings of pleasure from orgasm, because when your body reaches the peak (ie orgasm - the release of arousal) you only feel pain. But you're saying you can't even reach the peak (the point where the blood flows again after having been engorged) because the pain gets too much before you even get there? Yes there are different types if orgasm that can be experienced in different body parts.. lots of people who enjoy anal sex and/or anal stimulation do so because the orgasm are often more powerful than regular genital orgasms. also there are different orgasm intensities.. some people's orgasms are so strong they almost black out, other people's can be very weak (like mine haha) and some people can have multiple orgasms.. that's orgasm after orgasm after orgasm :o . Many people who experience multiple orgasms say they get stronger and more intense the more orgasms they have, but I know for me personally once I have one, that's it, I'm done, and I don't want another one until the next time I experience hormonal arousal and want to get rid of it :) many people say how amazing orgasms are etc.. but I personally would rather have a foot massage than an orgasm if I had a choice :p Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R.Million Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 I'm pretty sure mine isn't regular but for me it all starts to feel way to sensitive and sore very suddenly and then, after 2-3 seconds, all of my muscles in the area cramp up and the it hurts badly to touch anything down there for a few minutes. Like a full crotch and lady organs charlie horse. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
littlepersonparadox Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 I'm pretty sure mine isn't regular but for me it all starts to feel way to sensitive and sore very suddenly and then, after 2-3 seconds, all of my muscles in the area cramp up and the it hurts badly to touch anything down there for a few minutes. Like a full crotch and lady organs charlie horse. Humm that could be vaso - a female version of it known as Blue petal, where too much blood flowing to the genitalia causes swelling and pain. Although i can't be sure as it's been pointed out after arousal the blood is receding not rushing to it. Vaso can last for a few minutes to a good long time after so it depends on the person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lenika Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Well I do know that for me touching that area causes me no good feelings and only a sensation of rug burn. Now the one time I was forced into a female exam as a minor by a lady with a very small pinky finger... it hurt like a bitch! I have never felt such pain before! I will never get a female exam, EVER. I never could use even the tiny tampons, they hurt too bad. After that exam my parts hurt for 2 weeks... awful. I have not really found any pleasure from touching the area in any way, nor do I care. I also feel no need for any such touching or stimulation. Personally I just think my brain is not connected to my genetalia, its unfortunate that I have genetalia, because they are useless. I only ever tried because people said it felt good, well not for me. No orgazms here. Though one time I could swear I had one out of the blue when I was just about to fall asleep one night, but it was not pleasant and has never happened again. Just a twitchy feeling in the genital region, an annoyance. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pale-landscape Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 When I was younger, I was on an anti-depressant that I probably shouldn't have been on at my age, and every time I tried to reach orgasm I would have this weird, tingly-numb-pain-like feeling in that whole area for several days afterwards. Are you on any medications like that? It lingered for years after I finally stopped the anti-depressant. I've been sitting here trying to think of what it feels like to have an orgasm, and... I can't figure it out. There isn't really anything to compare it to, unfortunately. I guess I'm lucky in that regard because I can have somewhere around 20 orgasms in one session, but they're not earth-shattering (by myself -- that's so not possible with a partner, one would be the limit). I've had earth-shattering full-body orgasms with a partner, which is how I know I'm asexual because I still don't care about having sex. :P I guess it basically feels like an overwhelming tingly rush through your genitals/whole body, depending on how intense it is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I don't know if I've actually had one. This probably means that I haven't. I have no clue. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R.Million Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I'm pretty sure mine isn't regular but for me it all starts to feel way to sensitive and sore very suddenly and then, after 2-3 seconds, all of my muscles in the area cramp up and the it hurts badly to touch anything down there for a few minutes. Like a full crotch and lady organs charlie horse.Humm that could be vaso - a female version of it known as Blue petal, where too much blood flowing to the genitalia causes swelling and pain. Although i can't be sure as it's been pointed out after arousal the blood is receding not rushing to it. Vaso can last for a few minutes to a good long time after so it depends on the person. So I was correct in guessing that it was not supposed to feel like that? I'm kind of relieved its not so awful for most people Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Saël Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 When I was younger, I was on an anti-depressant that I probably shouldn't have been on at my age, and every time I tried to reach orgasm I would have this weird, tingly-numb-pain-like feeling in that whole area for several days afterwards. Are you on any medications like that? It lingered for years after I finally stopped the anti-depressant. No, I'm not on this kind of medication at all... But you're saying you can't even reach the peak (the point where the blood flows again after having been engorged) because the pain gets too much before you even get there? That's essentially it. IN fact, the first time I masturbated (just to try it because people said it was nice and normal to do it), it was very pleasant until one precise moment when my whole genital zone started to feel painful, a horrible tension filled with burning heat and I crawled, crying into the bathtub trying to bring the pain down without alarming my parents. So no, it gets painful before the orgasm. Or maybe this pain is my orgasm ! I can't really know. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Orgasm for me feels like ... Well you know how your foot can get kinda prickly if you sit on it ? Think that all over the outside to the point being touched is semi painful and inside muscles spasm kind of like the beginning of a muscle cramp, then release before true pain, then spasm... So unpleasant. Touching the clitoris can cause discomfort from annoying to omg stop tthat it hurts, , at any time. The rest it just feels like touching any soft parts (tongue, nose etc) so no big deal. And penetration if it touches a certain spot feels like the sharp pain of piercing skin with a needle. However, despite all that, if careful I can have sex or masturbate it is just boring, so prefer not to and I actively avoid orgasms lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R.Million Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 That's essentially it. IN fact, the first time I masturbated (just to try it because people said it was nice and normal to do it), it was very pleasant until one precise moment when my whole genital zone started to feel painful, a horrible tension filled with burning heat and I crawled, crying into the bathtub trying to bring the pain down without alarming my parents. So no, it gets painful before the orgasm. Or maybe this pain is my orgasm ! I can't really know. Wow, that sounds like a more severe case of what happens to me. Ouch Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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