Asexuality: Nature or Nurture?

[xSkylar]

What do you think? And personally, do you think you were born asexual or contextual influences in your life led you to being an asexual? (Demi, gray, Aro etc included)

As a psychology student, I naturally question why people are the way they are. The environment one grows up in has HUGE influences on the identity and personality of an individual. It led me to question myself - how did I become an asexual? What events in my life steered me towards this place? Or was I born asexual?

I personally feel that having strict parents and a Christian upbringing has shaped the way I think today, and largely had something to do with my being asexual. Looking back, it had always been drilled into my mind that sex is reserved for marriage. But even with those values, I had never desired it. So I guess it could be a mixture of both?

What are your thoughts on this personally and generally?

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I definitely think it's nature.

[R_1]

There's another option, did sexual orientation changes on you regardless of environment? My sexual orientation changed on it own. I once was heterosexual, but then, the sexuality died on it own.

[Rising Sun]

When I was younger, I was asexual, aromantic, asensual, aaesthetic and agendered, and also very sex-repulsed and so antisexual that if AVEN existed at the time, I couldn't have posted on it without probably being banned for a good reason. I was very arrogant and proud of myself without ever admitting that there was something wrong. While reaching adulthood, I realized that my attitude to sex was probably the result of my upbringing. It took me years to find why, but I eventually overcame my antisexuality and my sex-repulsion. But even though I finally wasn't opposed to sex any longer even for myself, it didn't change my asexuality. However, I also suffered from too much testosterone, and when I was given a treatment to keep testosterone under control, it slowly changed my gender perception and my sexual, romantic, sensual and aesthetic orientations to demi. So, I understood that my orientation and gender perception were biological (at least for the most part), but that my attitude towards sex before wasn't related to my orientation but was a "plain and simple" phobia (but when I had that phobia, I would have never admitted that it was something else than my nature, and I would never have admitted that my feelings created enough distress to need to fix them with a therapy).

[Techie]

I go with nature with a mild dash of nurture. I definitely have not experienced sexual attraction but I might very well be gray or demi. I have never gone far enough in any relationship to actually find out if sexual feelings might surface. My lack of interest was also reinforced by family such that I was in a feedback loop. The less interest I showed in having anything to do with a relationship, the more I was encouraged by my parents to not be interested usually through comments that made me feel quite bad (mind you this is 25+ years ago). I gradually realized over time that it was probably not to my advantage to try and pursue relationships as benefits would have been far outweighed by the amount of personal grief I would have to deal with.

[Ace of Cakes]

I personally feel that having strict parents and a Christian upbringing has shaped the way I think today, and largely had something to do with my being asexual. Looking back, it had always been drilled into my mind that sex is reserved for marriage. But even with those values, I had never desired it. So I guess it could be a mixture of both?

I'm much the same. Before I found out about asexuality I thought it was just my Christian upbringing and stuff, even though I still felt different than others, I thought I was just blessed, or lucky, or "good enough" to be free from some of the temptations my peers seemed to be struggling with. Now that I know about asexuality I do think it was mostly nature that caused me to be this way, although nurture could certainly have played a role as well, as most things aren't as simple as being all one or all the other. (I do think that more than making me ace, my upbringing made it harder for me to realize I was ace...)

[cali87]

Nature. I had no such upbringing as to alter my view of sex. And i have several friends who grew up in homes whete they were heavily repressed and they are not asexual on any planet, one of those girls is so heavily repressed that her sister was effectively thrown out of her family for staying with her BF for a couple weeks. This girl has never had sex but will do other stuff with guys and her parents response was to put her in councelling, the counsellor being like her parents. The girl is 19 BTW, she's just afraid of being thrown of her family like her sister. Even under the threat of being kicked out of her own family she identifies as very sexual. I OTH indentify as Aro Ace, while i did grow up in a very religious household initially, it was never oppressive and my mom and i left the church when i was 8. I spent a large chunk of my time growing up at my neighbors house where we were often alone and the place was full of porn, i hung out almost entirely with boys, and sexual talk and pictures were almost always involved, when i got older all my female friends familys were super open about sexual topics, they never wanted the subject to be "taboo", i spent a lot of time at the homes of these friends. My own family is more of a "never speak of it" type but they are very open to everything, its not like "i don't wanna know" and more like "do whatever you want and be whoever you are, its your buisness not ours" and yet..i am very Aro Ace lol

[poindexter]

Mixture of both..

More accurately, I think that nurture and nature are inextricably linked so that both depend on each other, and are equally in-grained within us. My nature shapes my nurture in many ways - e.g. the sex I was born, the fact I'm a twin, my looks etc.. all shape how I was brought up, and the experiences I have had. Similarly, my nurture shapes my nature too - look up epigenetics, for example. I guess you could also say that to some extent, nurture IS nature, in that our upbringing is as inherent within us as the genes we are born with. It's also worth noting that while our genes often give us a predisposition for certain traits/illnesses, they aren't necessarily activated unless environmental factors kick in.

I don't think it's as simple as saying it's one or the other - it depends on the individual circumstances too. One person might've had an illness that left them with asexual traits, another might have been asexual from the very beginning, still they are both asexual are they not? I think to many extents the nature/nurture debate is a red herring when it comes to sexuality - at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how we became who we are, just that we are accepted for who we are.

[Deleted Person]

I think like with everything it's a mixture of both. If you look at the past where homosexuality wasn't looked down upon, you see that it was a lot more prevalent then today (Romans males were considered odd if they only liked women for example), which suggests that it's at least partly taught (or perhaps humans are naturally bi/pansexual as a whole and then mostly taught to have a preference by culture.) On the other hand I've read that a lot of homosexuals knew they preferred their sex long before puberty (even if they didn't understand the specifics), which would imply a strong nature basis for them.

Personally I've never had an interest in either sex so I would suggest it was nature for me, but then my family also seem to have low interest compared to a lot of people, so I can't rule nurture at least encouraging my asexual tendencies. When it comes down t it, we'll never know the truth.

[The Cakemeister]

I normally think that both play a part, but I don't think nurture played much of a part for me.

I grew up with no pressure to (not) have sex, and when I think of younger me, I always thought sex sounded kinda gross. So yeah, nature for me.

[Welsh Ace]

Definitly nature. My brother is hetrosexual and my parents or surroundings where not anti-sex. Actually far from it, it iwas a perfectly normal up bringing. While I did get bullied at school, something which my brother didn't, I do not believe that bullying would have been significant enough to make me asexual. I think as with all over sexualities it is something you are born with.

[fuzzipueo]

For myself, I'm fairly sure it's nature. Thirty odd years of almost complete obliviousness kinda backs that up. Marriage, boyfriends, babies, etc., that stuff other people did. I had no interest.

[Guest]

If nurture, it was so early that I don't consciously remember. I don't see how it could even be found out to be one or the other... nor does it matter to me, anyway.

[Zash]

I think it is nature, and environment is a factor of how people express it. For example, back in Roman times, when it was odd for men not to be interested in other men, I bet there was a portion of the population that was only attracted to women, but faked interest in men because it was expected, much like some closeted gay men do with women today.

Basically, asexuality is something you are born with, but, if your culture frowns on it, you may not be willing to come forward with it. Similarly, if your culture denies asexuality's existence altogether, and doesn't even present it as an option, you are less likely to admit it, and think you are broken.

[hdfskjfsdshdsajfhaksd]

Definitely nature. I think nurture plays a factor in some things, but not orientation.

[R_1]

Basically, asexuality is something you are born with, but, if your culture frowns on it, you may not be willing to come forward with it.

You aren't a representative of every human being, but what do I know? I supposedly had that delusion that I was heterosexual for 8-9 years and I was asexual all along because everyone's born that way. Not.

[Ronny]

Nature, and to suggest otherwise really hurts those of us who've been invalidated almost every time we've come out. No, it's not a choice. No, we were not made this way. No, we are not just 'mentally ill' or 'looking for attention'.

The whole idea that one can somehow be "forced" into Asexuality just makes it harder to make others respect our orientation as valid and natural. All they're looking for is the smallest speck of proof to make up their minds, call us all liars and tell us we're wrong.

[poindexter]

Nature, and to suggest otherwise really hurts those of us who've been invalidated almost every time we've come out. No, it's not a choice. No, we were not made this way. No, we are not just 'mentally ill' or 'looking for attention'.

The whole idea that one can somehow be "forced" into Asexuality just makes it harder to make others respect our orientation as valid and natural. All they're looking for is the smallest speck of proof to make up their minds, call us all liars and tell us we're wrong.

Nurture =/= choice. Just because something is brought on by nurture doesn't mean you have a choice or that you can change it. You can't change the way you were brought up, any more than you can change your genes. It certainly doesn't mean that we should change it, even if we could.

I don't think it's good to ignore nurture as a factor in the development of one's sexuality just because we're afraid that some people might misunderstand and use it in an attempt to invalidate someone's experience. That kind of fear is a barrier to truth and understanding, not to mention that it's logically unsound.

[Oneness]

I think it's nature. But for some people it might be nurture or life experiences might lead to asexuality.

I did not have any Christian or over moral nurture in my childhood or youth.

In this case its nature. Indifference is different thing than concepts of right and wrong....

[Zash]

Basically, asexuality is something you are born with, but, if your culture frowns on it, you may not be willing to come forward with it.

You aren't a representative of every human being, but what do I know? I supposedly had that delusion that I was heterosexual for 8-9 years and I was asexual all along because everyone's born that way. Not.

So, basically, what I said in the sentence directly after that one. If your culture doesn't present it as an option, you can't consider it as an option until it is suggested to you. Or in extremely rare cases, you reject everyone's culture and substitute your own, at least on that point.

[R_1]

Basically, asexuality is something you are born with, but, if your culture frowns on it, you may not be willing to come forward with it.

You aren't a representative of every human being, but what do I know? I supposedly had that delusion that I was heterosexual for 8-9 years and I was asexual all along because everyone's born that way. Not.

So, basically, what I said in the sentence directly after that one. If your culture doesn't present it as an option, you can't consider it as an option until it is suggested to you. Or in extremely rare cases, you reject everyone's culture and substitute your own, at least on that point.

Are you implying that my culture has anything to do with the history of my sexual orientation? When I was 14, I had the belief that everyone is born in a certain way, but boy, how was I wrong when my sexual orientation died on it own. As far as I'm concerned, I lived with people presenting two option, everyone is born that way, or it's a choice. I supported the first option until nearly the death of my heterosexual orientation. I now believe there exists a minority whose orientation has permanently changed without choice element.

[Maxx1128]

I usually say nature, although lately I've been struggling with the idea of nurture at least in my case. I grew up mainly with an older sister in a mother that were overwhelming and somewhat controlling presences in my life. Sometimes I wonder if it led to me having warped views on women in regards to my sexuality, mainly being raised to believe being passive and undesiring towards was what's best for me.

Not sure if I would've still been demisexual regardless of this or not, but it's definitely given me enough doubt to make it hard to fall asleep sometimes. But in the end I think it's more my nature than anything else.

[Kindris]

Nature for me. My family has always been honest and chatty about sex and relationships, from the first time I asked. I've consistently been more well informed about sex than the men I've dated and I'm very sex positive. Sex is great, just not my cup of tea.

If I was going to be anything else, I would be. I've had every opportunity to be nurtured into being allo/hetero/homo/anything else sexual. But I'm not so, eh. I'm saying nature.

[An elven aro]

I asked my Biology teacher about this yesterday as we'd been studying how gender is inherited and I wondered if it was related. She said that research has shown that whether you're gay or straight is somewhat passed on in your genes. I internally sighed and proceeded to educate her on asexuality, bisexuality and pansexuality, and she was very interested and said I could research it, but she didn't know anything else.

[Fire & Rain]

I doubt that it's nurture. Could be a combination of both. It doesn't really matter because it's a part of me that I can't control or change regardless.

[JohnSC]

Based on my own personal experiences, I say it is a mixture of both. However the proportion is mostly nature.

As a child I would feel anger, frustration, and repulsion towards the way people around me (society, friends, family, classmates) view sex and sex related topics.

This is an obvious contrast between my view of sex (negative) and other's view of sex (positive) and its related topics.

[Eva]

My nature was nurtured. I was always different from the rest of my family, but my family was always supportive of my differences.

[Amoeba-Proteus]

I'd say nature.

I've been this way as long as I can remember.

I've always been very disinterested in humans from an aesthetic, romantic, sexual, etc. perspective. And I never changed. So I don't think anything could have influenced that. I can't think of anything in particular that could have had an influence. I remember people would say things like "relationships and sex are beautiful things!" and I always thought "what is beautiful about that...?" It all just seemed gross...

I think I just am the way I am. I don't think any kind of nurturing could have changed it.

Something in me seems to have made me repulsed and disinterested from the beginning...

[xSkylar]

Really interesting reading all the different responses. I have to agree with Poindexter and say that the two are intertwined (e.g. genetic predispositions that certain environmental factors can activate).

I was discussing the nature vs nurture debate with my student today and he made a really good point for the nature argument:

"If people say that their sexual preference is a choice, then ask them, what food do you like? (let's say they say chocolate). Why do you like chocolate? Yes, the taste is good, but why do you think it tastes good to you, while certain others absolutely hate the taste? Is it a choice whether it tastes good or not to you?"

At that, most people would probably not be able to answer why certain foods taste good to them and not others. All in all, it's an inbuilt preference. Just like how we can't really explain why we like our favourite colour. We just do. Same with liking the same sex, the opposite sex, or not even liking sex at all - we just don't.

[Kellam]

On the food side I can tell you that as primates we are pre disposed to sweets. Ever try giving a banana to a cat? So yes some food preferences are inborn the rest are just cultural. Check out the zoologist Desmond Morris for more on the naked/aquatic ape.

I'd say I was born aro ace but the agender thing has got to be part nurture, gender being a social construct. I have always felt the way I do about sex and romance. Since elementary school I had experiences that signaled this to me, though those signs were confusing at the time. My sex positive (hippy parents) upbringing actually played a role in me closeting myself and striving to be sexual.

For a control let me present my younger brother. He is only a few years my junior and we are very close. We shared a room from the first months of his life untill I left home at twenty and then again for three more years when we were both in our twenties outside the parental nest. He came out as bisexual when he was in his late teens and has said that he is only into relationships with women, i.e. he's hetero romantic. He's now married to a woman and has kids of his own.