Getting over jerks basically.

[Beyourownspotlight]

So we've all heard the term love is blind, right?

I am ace, and I have known something was a bit different since I was about 14. I didn't really start looking for what it was until I was 15/16. Coincidently around the same time I started getting close to a boy I knew through school. We started talking, texting, hanging out, that sort of stuff. We became pretty fast friends. And he was never ever shy about his sexuality (gay), and I never had an issue with that. I knew and appreciated that he was a nice looking bloke but it was nice to feel like his sexuality took away from the expected girl/guy bffs hooking up cliche.

Any way long story short, I fell head over heels in love with him, and he wasn't a very good friend in the end. He was kind of an arsehole. Huge jerk. Very maniplitive. Very nasty. Moody. He'd push me around physically and get cross with me when I reliated, swear then come back and act as though a kiss and cuddle would fix everything. I think he knew I had some sort of attraction to him. I don't know if he ever understood the depth of my affection towards him, or if he just thought it was a crush. He's beautiful, and he knows it, loads of people find him attractive and he plays on it.

Anyway, that was nearly 6 years ago, I'm nearly 21 and I was just on Facebook and his profile came up and every single feeling came rushing back. So hard. It was a little overwhelming because I totally didn't expect it. Surely you'd think 6 years on I'd be over him?!

Does anyone else fall hard like that? Any advice? I've had zero contact with him since I left highschool. I'm not sure if it's the simple fact it was such a strong emotional connection I made at such a crucial social part of my development? Or if it's the whole your first love lasts forever thing (it does not have to be requited, love can very much be one sided)? Thoughts?

[I'd rather be in band.]

Well, let's just say I've been trying to stop loving the same person for almost six years now, and I can testify that it's difficult for some. Perhaps you'll just have to try to ensure that you won't encounter him in the future, because sometimes it's difficult for people to move on with the typical methods.

[Moon Ace]

Sometimes people get under your skin for no reason you may be aware of... I find it really annoying when that happens. It's like they create little hooks that get activated whenever they pop up. Some of these seem to create a soft spot that never entirely goes away and I don't know why. I have/had a few of those... not sure if everyone else has too. I don't see those peopel anymore but somehow, for some reason they still mean something to me and it's a complete mystery. Feelings do weaken over time when you don't see the person anymore.

[Frigid Pink]

I think that anytime we feel strong feelings for someone (romantic or otherwise) and then lose that connection, it's to be expected that we may feel some sadness about it whenever reminded of it. I don't think that means we're "not over it." I think it simply means we're human.

[dissolved]

I understand the "falling for them hard" thing, but I don't know if it was love for me, as such.

For me, it usually lasts years, whether I stop seeing them or not. I think I've only had this emotional bond with four people:

at about 13 or 14 at school, the feeling lasted until I was about 22 (still get a bit spooked when I see her now though),

at 20 which is still very much going on now (I'm 27) with someone I used to work with,

at 21 which only lasted a few weeks (very relieved as he was a tit),

and most recently at 22, with one of my friends that I think caused the very first one to end. Still going on but not as bad as it used to be.

I dread meeting the next person!