Help Needed

[no_idea]

Hello,

I am not very sure if this is the right place to address my problem, but I need help urgently. I have been having problems in my relationship and it is mainly due to my sex life. I started to read up on asexuality and I think that my partner is asexual. I did try to bring up this point and even sent him the link to FAQ section of your website. But, he avoids talking about this topic and I think that he does not want to admit it, as he fears that I may leave him.

I want to stay with my partner and support him, but the lack of mutual sexual feeling is depressing me. Is there any helpline or support groups here in Germany, where I can seek help?

Thank you very much for your help in advance.

[Star Bit]

Its not only the fear of you, but any other future partners leaving or avoiding him because of his asexuality that scares him. As well as society, friends, and family's reactions to it. Something that's so major in society is something he does not have.

Its something he needs to accept, but at his own pace. I heard someone mention it took them a year to get over the denial.

As for your depression, can you elaborate on why you feel so?

[Down in Texas]

My only suggestion is to print out the pages and let him read them or even read them together. It took a while before my husband would read it and even longer to past being upset. Then one day I showed him a post by someone that was so close to our relationship that he thought I had written it. It was then tat we were able to NIPPLE away at bits and pieces that have lead us to where we are today.

I will never have what I thought I was getting, but we are finally at a place where we can start to deal with it in a way that has opened more doors than it has closed as far as communication goes. Yet I fear it had nailed the lid shut on our sex life. Only time will tell now and all I can do is be patient and see what happens.

[boobookittyfuk]

I saw a meme during asexual awareness week and showed it to my partner. He said it seemed like him. But for a couple years now we've been trying to figure out why he has no desire for sex. We watched a short video together and then read the FAQ's on our own.

It took some reinforcing that we're in this relationship together and we BOTH need to be looking for solutions to our sexual differences. Once he heard that, he started to do a bit more research. I feel I will always be putting forth more effort in this part of our lives because I'm the one feeling a lacking.

If even after some gentle suggestion he doesn't want to work on it, I would reconsider your options.

My only suggestion is to print out the pages and let him read them or even read them together. It took a while before my husband would read it and even longer to past being upset. Then one day I showed him a post by someone that was so close to our relationship that he thought I had written it. It was then tat we were able to NIPPLE away at bits and pieces that have lead us to where we are today.

I will never have what I thought I was getting, but we are finally at a place where we can start to deal with it in a way that has opened more doors than it has closed as far as communication goes. Yet I fear it had nailed the lid shut on our sex life. Only time will tell now and all I can do is be patient and see what happens.

Down- I have been grieving lately because of exactly that. I will never have what I thought I was getting and that is devastating. But I also got a marriage that I swore to work on forever.

[Down in Texas]

Down- I have been grieving lately because of exactly that. I will never have what I thought I was getting and that is devastating. But I also got a marriage that I swore to work on forever.

I took that same Vow.

Some do not understand just what that means to some of us. Some think that just because I post my disappointments and wishes on here that I mistreat my spouse. Just so it is clear, no matter how many post I may post of my disappointments here on AVEN, I am not rude or harsh to my Husband. He is not mistreated and is perfectly content in our marriage and how I treat him. I Always try to consider his likes and dislikes and have more times than not had supper waiting when he gets home. I maintain most all repairs at our house. He has very few disappointments and most do not include me nor anything involving sex. His greatest concerns are work related and always have been, his work has always been his Mistress, he gets his greatest validation from his work. I no longer approach him for sex, I get a kiss on the forehead most every morning before he leaves for work and another before bedtime. Years ago I started the cuddling at bedtime, which he now initiated on his own.

He does not miss what he does not think to desire or need. I now know It is not intentional and I no longer take any of his lack of interest in me nor his lack of sexual behavior on as my fault, like I use to. My lack of initiation now comes from his problem with ED, he has to be in the mood, I can not put him in the mood. With his Asexuality he is rarely in the mood so sex is pretty much gone along withy he help of his extremely low T levels which also contribute to his even less sexual desire. We just saw a Urologist last week and will go back in six months we are NOT seeking sexual help we are watching his PSA levels. However the Dr has said that his levels should be much higher with the amount of HRT that he is using.

[insomniacat]

by the way, there's a German Asexual Community and Q&A page on tumblr @ http://germanaroaces.tumblr.com/