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Are children asexual?


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When I talk about children here, I am thinking of children of around 10 years old and younger, rather than early teens. Would you say that children are asexual, in so far as they are generally oblivious to all things sexual until they reach a certain age, and many of them would find the idea of it repulsive if it were to be explained to them?

I have seen some people here say that they always felt different in regards to their sexuality from a very young age. I however never had any such notions; at a young age, I was pretty much like everyone else in that respect; as far as I was concerned, it was everyone else that changed and became different, not me!

If it is the case that children are asexual, would it then suggest that we have somehow got stuck and remained in childhood and not achieved proper adulthood?

If you think about the definition: A person who does not experience sexual attraction (towards anyone), well, children would fit that definition, wouldnt they?

What do you think?

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Yeah, I think it's highly possible that kids are asexual - even if they have some notion that girls should like boys, they might have a hard time figuring out why that is, at least until they're older. I'm not sure whether anyone has done any scientific studies to support/oppose that view though, so if anyone has any I'd love to see them.

If it is the case that children are asexual, would it then suggest that we have somehow got stuck and remained in childhood and not achieved proper adulthood?

It depends on your definition of adulthood - personally, I think it's false to suggest that an asexual (who might very well be married and have children of their own) is still a child because they don't experience sexual attraction. There is more to adulthood than simply being interested in sex, and IMO psychological maturity is a better way to judge someone's overall level of maturity.

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Too Old for this Site

Well, everyone has their own experiences and opinions on this, but many kids really do begin to exhibit signs of sexuality at a very young age. Many report having their first "crush" (which would usually be more romantic than sexual) in pre-school, and their first kiss shortly thereafter. Children are typically not ready for the mechanics of sex, at least as it pertains to humans, until they are older, although the ones who grow up around pets or farm animals are usually intuitively aware of the reproductive process. Children who have been victims of child molestation certainly have become aware of sexuality at an age earlier than they are ready for it...although it can affect each one differently.

I don't think I would agree that asexuality is simply undeveloped sexuality. Many asexuals are perfectly capable (for reasons other than sexual attraction) to have sexual relationships once they are old enough to mentally and emotionally handle doing so.

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Definitely, but just because of lack of development. It is possible we all got stuck and our brain/hormones didn't develop. I always felt myself a late bloomer, with girls talking about how they thought boys were cute in elementary school but I didn't start seeing boys as "cute" or "hot" until grade 8. And even then I didn't want to have sex with them (oh lordy forbid!! it was a horrible thought!) but I did want to kiss them lots!

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drjohnhwatson

As others have said, kids can express sexual stuff at ages younger than 10. I read recently where a private preschool in the United States (in California) was shut down because a bunch of student had been found performing oral sex onand touching each other. They would do it in the bathroom, on a slide in the playground, or during naptime as the aides and teachers would sleep and leave them unattended. Apparently it was an "every day" thing. But in most instances, I would like to think that children are asexual.

As to asexuals not properly reaching adulthood, I don't know how many of us would really like that definition. :P. I don't mind it. Makes me think I'm Peter Pan over here, haha.

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As others have said, kids can express sexual stuff at ages younger than 10. I read recently where a private preschool in the United States (in California) was shut down because a bunch of student had been found performing oral sex onand touching each other. They would do it in the bathroom, on a slide in the playground, or during naptime as the aides and teachers would sleep and leave them unattended. Apparently it was an "every day" thing. But in most instances, I would like to think that children are asexual.

As to asexuals not properly reaching adulthood, I don't know how many of us would really like that definition. :P. I don't mind it. Makes me think I'm Peter Pan over here, haha.

Unfortunately in a lot of cases of children acting out sexually, it is a case of sexual abuse at home.

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I think children are asexual in that they can be attracted to people in a way that is not even romantic, just affectionate. Their first attraction is often to the parents (Freud would agree) and later to other people. I don't think the attraction is sexual, but rather sensual. They want attention, love and affection, which is why children are often such easy prey when their parents are abusive. If they are exposed to sexual acts at a young age, they will be sexual in that they believe this is how one shows affection until they are taught differently. But most children do have crushes on people from a young age. I don't think we can consider this on the same terms as we consider attraction we experience during and after puberty, though, because things happen to us as we pass through puberty with hormones and such. I think the attraction is very, very different, whether we as adults experience sexual or asexual attraction, to what children experience. I know for instance, that I, as a child, was hopelessly in love with my cousin. On reflection, I think it was admiration more than anything else, but I was desperate for his attention - and I lived in a different country, so we rarely even saw each other. I guess it might have been asexual in the sense that I never wanted anything but to be recognized by him and to be like him, but I don't think it can or should be considered on the same terms. I don't know. Just my thoughts.

Oh another thing I came to think of, is that children probably don't experience sexual pleasure the way adults do. Children don't understand why they shouldn't touch or show x part of their body. It's entirely normal for growing and developing children to explore themselves and others. And then when they are caught doing that, their parents freak out as if it was something unnatural, and those children later think sexual things are wrong because they did this as children and it was wrong. Which is where some serious sexual issues come into the picture. I really think adults live in a different world from children, and we think genitals are sexual, whereas children just see them as a part of their body, and it's perfectly innocent for them to try to understand this part of their body. I came to think of that when I read the part about the preschool that was closed. It was probably a game for those children. They probably thought no more of it than that. And then the adults freaked out, because "if it involves genitals, it must be sexual!"

Edited by MoonWish
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I had a friend who was sneaking porn into his house when he was 5-6 years old, and kids on my class were "dating" in 3rd grade. So, nope i don't think kids are asexual. I think they are not fully developed and don't fully understand what they are doing but asexual? No.

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Children are not asexual.

My brother asked me to tag along to visit his friend. In the end my brother's friend was showing us pornographic material during the visit.

This happened in Grade 3. That for me was bad memories of my childhood.

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I believe everyone starts out that way, yeah.

If it is the case that children are asexual, would it then suggest that we have somehow got stuck and remained in childhood and not achieved proper adulthood?

Ehh, not really. There's way more that determines "adulthood" than that

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I don't think children are really asexual. They just don't know what "sex" or "porn" or anything about that is really. If they where in a more sexualized stage when they where that young some may be asexual and some may not be.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Children are usually called 'presexual' as oppose to any sexuality developed during puberty.

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I wouldn't say they're asexual. Asexual denotes an orientation. I would think they could be better described as "non-sexual" or "un-sexual", because many children do become sexual when they become teenagers. So that's kind of like saying they're asexual and then "turned" straight or "turned" gay or whatever. I don't think asexuality is a continuation of a childhood perception of people and relationships and I don't think it should be described as such.

I remember my first crush. I was 4 years old, and I got a different feeling about Aladdin when I watched the movie for the first time than I felt about other people. It was...nice. Even though he was fictional, I guess as a little kid it didn't make any difference to me. The thing is though, that what I liked about Aladdin when I was four, the feeling I had about Aladdin, is much the same feeling I have now, twenty years later, when I have a crush on a real person. It's a much deeper and more serious feeling now, yes, but much like when I was a little kid and thought Aladdin was cute and I loved his personality, that's how I feel when I crush on people now. It wasn't about wanting to do something sexual then (ew), and it is the same now.

I don't know if other children feel like that and then it changes when they get older, or if this is only because I am asexual...

I think children and asexuals are the same in terms of a lack of sexuality, but I think the reasons for it are different.

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Only children who are asexual. I nver experienced a crushj (I pretended too as I thought that what it was) or anything of the sort. As others have said children are just innocent and don't know about sex until they are a little older when they start to learn more about it and develop.

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newMasturbator

Interesting question. When it comes to children younger than 10 years it might be true that they are nonsexual.

But on the other hand, I remember watching Zorro and there was a scene where an attractive female got her bra cut off by zorro's sword and it turned me on.

I was 7 or 8 years old when I watched it, and it is one of my only early memories of heterosexuality. I also remember being turned on by a friend's mother when I was maybe 9 years old. And one more case of watching a cartoon in my childhood and being turned on by a female character.

This means I was aware of my heterosexuality very early on. That's also the reason why it was such a shocker for me to find out that I'm practically the only sexual male who doesn't masturbate.

This is the scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8u7zqT7904

In my memories she was wearing something black, turns out you can't trust your memory. Anyway, very clear sign of heterosexuality in my early childhood right there.

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Hard to answer as one must define children before one can answer. Before my heterosexual orientation died, I can remember enjoying the sight of boobs when I was in 4th grade, and I enjoyed looking at naked women by 8 years old. That's all I can give.

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I agree with the Above posts that chirldren are pre sexual rather than asexual. Children become more and more aware of what is "attractive" and what they are attracted to. I remember my best friend during preschool would sigh and declare that our friend G "is so hot". I also recall that several of my friends had had their first kiss by age 7. I could never quite figure that out :P

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I know many homosexual people knew they were attracted to the same gender from a very young age.. they may not have wanted sex with them but they still knew they "liked girls instead of boys" or whatever. I think most children are just pre-sexual, they haven't decided who they want to have sex with yet because many of them just don't know.. but yeah like Sally said, they really are just kids. I don't think we should be giving them labels, though if a kid wants to label themself as homosexual or a different gender from what they are biologically or anything, that's up to them and that's fine :)

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Children are just children. I don't think we need to start assigning them labels.

But it does happen. Just look at genders and how kids are raised to conform to them.

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I don't think children are really asexual. They just don't know what "sex" or "porn" or anything about that is really. If they where in a more sexualized stage when they where that young some may be asexual and some may not be.

I'd relate this to the OP's point; I don't think kids would be repulsed by it, and not even asexuals are. I think kids are curious. Also, even I had the 'let's look at porn together' experience; and I only had one friend at that age. I thought it wasa game of breaking taboos.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I guess I should stop describing asexuality as something along the lines of "like when you were a kid, but it doesn't change" to allosexuals...

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describing children as asexual kind of invalidates asexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation.

it also encourage the idea that younger aces are just late bloomer who haven't developed sexual attraction yet and that asexuality is a phase that you need to "grow out of" , which is a very alienating and means that younger aces aren't taken seriously.

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Beyourownspotlight

I don't think kids are asexual, no.

Kids are still developing (at a faster/more intense rate than we are as adults), especically when it comes to forming relationships. I don't think kids are oblivious to sex either.

I know as a kid I used to make my dolls 'kiss' and 'make babies', and I've seen a lot of kids do that with toys. Their curiosity or intrest might not e directed at any person in particular but it's still there. I don't think kids are asexual, and I don't think saying that asexual people never reached full maturity is a good concept either. I think it's actually really offensive to be put that way.

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When I talk about children here, I am thinking of children of around 10 years old and younger, rather than early teens. Would you say that children are asexual, in so far as they are generally oblivious to all things sexual until they reach a certain age, and many of them would find the idea of it repulsive if it were to be explained to them?

I have seen some people here say that they always felt different in regards to their sexuality from a very young age. I however never had any such notions; at a young age, I was pretty much like everyone else in that respect; as far as I was concerned, it was everyone else that changed and became different, not me!

If it is the case that children are asexual, would it then suggest that we have somehow got stuck and remained in childhood and not achieved proper adulthood?

If you think about the definition: A person who does not experience sexual attraction (towards anyone), well, children would fit that definition, wouldnt they?

What do you think?

I am also just as repulsed by the notion of my doing those things as I was when I was younger. I didn't change -- everyone changed around me.

But I don't think it's right to say that this means we "haven't achieved proper adulthood." I am not a child, even though my views on having sex haven't changed. I would find it very offensive if anyone implied that this made me not a "proper adult."

I think that with children, YMMV when it comes to the ages that children develop different things. Many children are romantically attracted to others from very young ages, and a small number of children develop sexual feelings for others long before their peers (just like some really are "late bloomers").

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I guess I should stop describing asexuality as something along the lines of "like when you were a kid, but it doesn't change" to allosexuals...

I don't know... I do think that would be an accurate description for me. What I think is a problem is any implication that asexual people are "less mature" or "less fully developed human beings" than anyone else because of our orientation, that we are "missing something" rather than full people in our own right, just as capable of connecting to others, even if the ways that we do so may be different.

Then again seeing children as "not full human beings" (and less deserving of respect, etc.) is also a problem!

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