Emotion Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 No I did not tell them that I am asexual. Anyway they wouldn't be able to understand considering the current awareness of asexuality in China. I just celebrated (not literally celebrate) my 24th birthday and my parents begin to feel it's necessary to talk with me about my future family plan etc. They talked about how two people can get along well with each other and improve the happiness of a family. They talked about how characteristics matter. I understand all they wish is that I have a happy and good life (like all Chinese parents wish). Oh I used to dream of my future family life a lot, dream of how I can enjoy my spare time with 'her', Then these years I realize how the sex can separate me from a normal way towards a family life. No I'm not eager to get married, but when I listened to my parents and kept smiling, I felt my heart broken as I dare not dream any more, and I cannot tell them. Link to post Share on other sites
I'd rather be in band. Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 That must've been unbearable. I'm sorry. The only advice I can offer you is to possibly bring up asexuality as a topic of interest at one point in time and gauge their reaction. You could just say that you met a new friend that happened to be asexual or something like that. Just gauge their reaction. You don't have to say you're asexual. However, if you don't want to do that, you certainly don't have to. It may or may not work for you, and that's fine. Do whatever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you! I can relate a little bit. I'm aromantic asexual and have no desire to get married or start a family, but a lot of my relative pester me about whether I've found a boyfriend yet. It gets exhausting to keep brushing them off, and it just makes me sad that they think get married and having children is the only way to be happy. I don't have much advice, but do know you're not alone! I wish you luck in gaining your parents understanding! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Emotion Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you! I can relate a little bit. I'm aromantic asexual and have no desire to get married or start a family, but a lot of my relative pester me about whether I've found a boyfriend yet. It gets exhausting to keep brushing them off, and it just makes me sad that they think get married and having children is the only way to be happy. I don't have much advice, but do know you're not alone! I wish you luck in gaining your parents understanding! :) Thank you for all your support. Years ago, I do think that I will be fine on my own and just shrugged it off when my parents talked about it. What bothers me now is that I do wish a happy family life as described by my parents (I know I have always been a romantic though), and it makes me feel worse as I find now way of achieving it. Link to post Share on other sites
R.Million Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I know a little about how you feel. My parents are always talkimg about when I have kids and won't believe me when I say it won't happen. They seem convinced that when my biological clock hits "baby o'clock" there will be no stopping it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Huh. I'm not aromantic. But my family would probably be less surprised if I rold them I was, than if I told them I was asexual. i know how it is when you know that they're just trying to care for you. Link to post Share on other sites
23DN4L Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Parents just want the best for their child, but I wish they got like a self-updating memo whenever we decided stuff, so we never would have to vocally update them about ourselves. I think gauging their reaction would be best and if they react positively, tell them right away. If they react negatively try to convince them of how cool asexuality is....one may become more receptive than the other and you can tell that person first, if you'd like. I was raised by a single parent, so I never had to work with informing two people. My mom wants the same thing for me....She wants me to meet someone special and start a family, and I keep telling her I don't want kids. I want a partner that enjoys kids because of my many nephews and nieces, but a partner that does not want kids themselves as well. ALSO, I need a partner that is okay with having no sex on the table. I would prefer an asexual, but the chances of finding one with both characteristics nearby me is slim slim slim. Why can't I just split into another me, mentally change the gender, and go on like that?! Why?! Link to post Share on other sites
aisu_hawk Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you! I can relate a little bit. I'm aromantic asexual and have no desire to get married or start a family, but a lot of my relative pester me about whether I've found a boyfriend yet. It gets exhausting to keep brushing them off, and it just makes me sad that they think get married and having children is the only way to be happy. I don't have much advice, but do know you're not alone! I wish you luck in gaining your parents understanding! :) Thank you for all your support. Years ago, I do think that I will be fine on my own and just shrugged it off when my parents talked about it. What bothers me now is that I do wish a happy family life as described by my parents (I know I have always been a romantic though), and it makes me feel worse as I find now way of achieving it. Do not lose hope! There are plenty of people who have happy lives in partnerships where one or more members are asexual! Please go check out the success stories thread and if you find a story on there similar to theirs, maybe you could message them and ask them about it. I know about parents not understanding and I didn't tell them for as long as possible that I am transgender. I know that to them I will always be their "little girl" when all I ever wanted was to be a "little boy". Now I'm finally making decisions for myself, and they want almost nothing to do with my gender. They consistently use wrong pronouns and my old name. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but what I CAN tell you is that you can be in a happy family. Don't give up! It is something that you have to work for, and it may take some time but there are plenty of instances where it has worked. Your parents love you, and who knows maybe they will just go with it - but sometimes it takes self confidence to be able to tell them that you are who you are, and you'll figure it out. I'm 24 as well, and I have had to tell my parents that I know what I'm doing and I'm happy so many times over the past two years. But I am moving on with my life with or without them. It's their job to love me for who I am, not my job to cater to who they want me to be. Please message me if you want - I can always serve as a person to listen, talk to, or just somewhere to vent your feelings where you will never be judged or looked down upon. You have a whole community here for you. You cannot choose your family, but you can choose the people you surround yourself with. We are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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