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Annabelle Lee

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Annabelle Lee

I have had an extremely confusing year. I came out as a lesbian over the summer after having been in a heterosexual relationship for more than a decade. I'm still coming to terms with it and trying desperately to understand who I am. If I were to have sex with someone it would be a woman. I find people attractive, I masturbate, I fantasize and get crushes, but my actual sex drive is extremely low usually. I am also bipolar and on medication that causes depression. I never trust what I feel, because I can't nail it down and make sense of it. I have physical/sexual abuse in my history which colors every interaction I have. I'm feeling frustrated and unsure of myself. This is my first time on this page, so I hope my post is acceptable and in the correct spot. Any advice or literature would be greatly appreciated.

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Annie Mali A.

I don't know if there's much I can say...I'm sorry you've had such a rough time this year, and I know this sounds cliché but, it DOES get better.

I know you asked for advice and/or literature, but I'm afraid I don't have enough knowledge about this to give you those resources.

I probably shouldn't even be posting, but I wanted to let you know that somebody's listening to you, and I'm sure someone can help you :) :cake:

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More so "it CAN get better."

/you can move away and or cut ties with negative ppl.

But anyways,

If I were to have sex with someone it would be a woman. I find people attractive, I masturbate, I fantasize and get crushes, but my actual sex drive is extremely low usually.

As for the first sentence, there's a difference between having sexual attraction for women and just being more comfortable with having sex with them while still being Asexual. As well as a difference between theory and actual experience. Also, your romantic and sexual attraction dont have to match up, its called a cross orientation (considering you said it lasted 10 years). People can be Homosexual and Biromantic. Also, to clarify, sexual attraction is sexual arousal caused by another person and the desire to have sex. Have you experienced this for women? As for the second sentence, a low sex-drive or sexual attraction under certain cercomstances can be called Gray-Asexual (an umbrella term that has anything between sexual and asexual; thus the gray, under its belt).

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Hi and welcome to Aven! Thanks for sharing a little about you. I can assure you, you are not alone here. There are many, many threads about people feeling unsure and confused. I know that doesn't actually help give you any clarity, but it is nice to know you're in good company. I also spent a lot of sad years wondering what boxes to put myself into, only to realize I didn't want to be confined to any little boxes. I know there are links here on Aven that provide information on a variety of topics. Hopefully you can find the support you need here.

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