Aromantic, NonLibidoist, Lithisexual... We didn't start the fire...

[pittiechick]

Reading all the identity names reminds me of Billy Joel's song We Didn't Start the Fire... Just try it with the tune, you'll see.. :)

Anyway! I'm new here (see my "New Here & Seeking Advice" post) and I've come to realize there are like a million different terms... grey, aromantic, litho??... etc. I have found some definitions in the FAQ section but some aren't there... Can someone help me out with what they think I might identify as?? I'm thinking it might be a mix of things but at this point I'm not that knowledgeable.

- the once in a blue moon times that I actually experience sexual arousal, it has to be specific circumstances and it can evaporate very quickly, and I don't feel that I need to satisfy any need (like if nothing happened, I'd be fine with it)

- all the rest of the time, I don't want sex and frankly feel like I could go the rest of my life happily without any sexual experience again

- after sex I pretty much am ready to just get up, clean off, and move on to something else

- I've never "gotten off" from sex

- I don't ever desire to be touched, down there...

- I hardly ever initiate anything with my boyfriend, and if I do it's usually because I feel obligated. BUT I would much rather initiate than have him do it, then I just feel pressured

- he talks about/hints at sex and sexual things ALL the time and it's really starting to piss me off/disgust me

- I don't even like to make out with him anymore, mainly because I anticipate he'll just want sex

- I don't ever masturbate and find the thought of it repulsing

- the thought of my boyfriend masturbating repulses me also

- I never fantasize

- some women I find aesthetically pleasing but would never consider myself a lesbian by any means

- I am attracted to guys - usually I find them aesthetically pleasing and/or am very drawn to their personality and want to connect with them on some level. With one person I even feel butterflies.

- I wouldn't go as far as saying I ever want to have sex with these "crushes" though. the most I've done is thought about kissing them.

- sometimes I do feel sexy and confident, sometimes I think I look hott, and in those instances I feel like I want guys to want me...

- I do like romantic things and ideas and wish my boyfriend would be more romantic/sweet/come up with new ideas (like surprising me with a picnic by a pond type of thing, or taking me out to look at the stars with NO expectation of sexual stuff)

- I do LOVE to cuddle, snuggle, hold hands, hug, get massages, etc.

Thoughts?? Sorry for the long post! (I have a habit of writing too much)

[Fruity<3]

You sound similar to me :D! I do love me to cuddles, hand holding, and feeling close to someone. I get confused by sex, but I'm mostly indifferent. I do get sexually aroused, but it's based on the situation and normally a response to someone. I do; however, fantasize, but in real life nothing makes sense to my body o.o

As for your boy friend thing, you should talk to him about this stuff. He should know that you feel pressured/ irritated when he brings it up all the time. Communication is key to a healthy relationship ;)

Welcome!

[Annie Mali A.]

I was just as confused as you, so I searched some terms I didn't understand in the forum search engine and found this post on a board titled, "It's still so confusing?!?" started by "Slob Dylan" I hope it helps a little bit.

Physical attraction kind of has 2 definitions; some ppl think its sexual attraction and others think its aesthetic attraction, but what i think you meant to say was sensual attraction, right?

Anyways, if you are still interested in pinpointing if you've had romantic attraction, it commonly consists of (straight to the point definitions):

• romantic attraction- by itself it's just equal to a soft spot for someone and it doesn't have to include all, or even most of the other attractions; it just means you feel for them in that way and want to be in a romantic relationship with them
• sensual attraction- the desire to kiss, cuddle, etc. (you can also not feel the desire to do sensual things but feel some kind of pleasure from it, which is Asensual)
• aesthetic attraction- this is not the same thing as admitting someone is good looking; you don't just find someone admittedly "cute"/ their face is pleasing, but you find them "hot."
• emotional attraction- you have a fixation on them for their emotions; how they're happy, how they're stoic, etc. You could compare this to admarence, but they could also be emotions you have yourself and strongly reconcile with them for.

All of these can be felt separately from each other. (personally, i haven't felt any of these at the same time of romantic attraction)

(And some people experience squishes [a play on the word crush] which refers to a platonic crush; the desire to be close friends with someone. This could also qualify as platonic attraction. I hear a lot of aromantics use to think this was romantic attraction before recognizing as aromantic)

There are also queerplatonic relationships which may confuse things a bit more because they can be both physically and emotionally. Someone can be very important to you but you don't feel romantic attraction. Some may call this importance normal or abnormal of a friendship/best friendship. You can also have sensual attraction for a friend; they want to cuddle you, etc., but they dont feel romantically. Or both, which are better shown with a show example-- like Scrubs where JD and Terk can be both physically queerplatonic/QP and emotionally QP, but they are not romantically attracted to each other. I would start off by trying to define if you have had any of the bullet point attractions first before considering this.

This may sound really confusing. So maybe my own orientation might help you out a bit? Basically, for me,

• I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone, so I consider myself asexual
• HOWEVER, I do have a very low sex drive, like, you know.....sexual fantasies and stuff.
• If I imagine MYSELF being "pleasured" though, I get grossed out.
• I don't masturbate and I've never felt the need to

Now, as you know, there are terms like "greysexual" and "demisexual" and I guess you understand them? Maybe you even understand them more than me. According to my understanding,

Greysexual is sort of the in between "sexual" and "asexual". So you feel sexual attraction, but not on the normal level of sexuals. Maybe you need specific circumstances to feel sexual attraction, or just feel sexual attraction randomly. It's important to note though, that this doesn't mean you CHOOSE to engage in sexual activity, but that sexual FEELINGS are only triggered in certain circumstances.

Demisexual falls under this category. It basically means that you require a deep emotional bond to feel any sort of sexual attraction. You don't decide to have sex, the sexual feelings just weren't there until the emotional bond was really strong.

So then, there are the romantic identities, like,

Heteroromantic, Homoromantic, Biromantic, Panromantic, and Aromantic I assume these are really self-explanatory but feel free to ask if you have questions about them.

Sensual and Aesthetic can fall under these categories too, by the way.

Um, , I hope I helped a little bit in your quest for sexual identity. I know what it feels like to not have a clue how to describe yourself. I just always called myself "abnormal" and that didn't make me feel very good....

Anyways, Good Luck!! :) :) :cake:

[pittiechick]

Wow, okay, a lot to wrap my head around. :) But thank you! This is helpful.

[Annie Mali A.]

Yeah, it does seem like a lot in hindsight <_< But I'm glad it helped a bit ^_^

If you are struggling with anything that I posted, don't hesitate to ask, I actually cut out a lot of stuff I wrote so it wouldn't get too long. Look how well that turned out...

[newMasturbator]

Reading all the identity names reminds me of Billy Joel's song We Didn't Start the Fire... Just try it with the tune, you'll see.. :)

Anyway! I'm new here (see my "New Here & Seeking Advice" post) and I've come to realize there are like a million different terms... grey, aromantic, litho??... etc. I have found some definitions in the FAQ section but some aren't there... Can someone help me out with what they think I might identify as?? I'm thinking it might be a mix of things but at this point I'm not that knowledgeable.

- the once in a blue moon times that I actually experience sexual arousal, it has to be specific circumstances and it can evaporate very quickly, and I don't feel that I need to satisfy any need (like if nothing happened, I'd be fine with it)

- all the rest of the time, I don't want sex and frankly feel like I could go the rest of my life happily without any sexual experience again

- after sex I pretty much am ready to just get up, clean off, and move on to something else

- I've never "gotten off" from sex

- I don't ever desire to be touched, down there...

- I hardly ever initiate anything with my boyfriend, and if I do it's usually because I feel obligated. BUT I would much rather initiate than have him do it, then I just feel pressured

- he talks about/hints at sex and sexual things ALL the time and it's really starting to piss me off/disgust me

- I don't even like to make out with him anymore, mainly because I anticipate he'll just want sex

- I don't ever masturbate and find the thought of it repulsing

- the thought of my boyfriend masturbating repulses me also

- I never fantasize

- some women I find aesthetically pleasing but would never consider myself a lesbian by any means

- I am attracted to guys - usually I find them aesthetically pleasing and/or am very drawn to their personality and want to connect with them on some level. With one person I even feel butterflies.

- I wouldn't go as far as saying I ever want to have sex with these "crushes" though. the most I've done is thought about kissing them.

- sometimes I do feel sexy and confident, sometimes I think I look hott, and in those instances I feel like I want guys to want me...

- I do like romantic things and ideas and wish my boyfriend would be more romantic/sweet/come up with new ideas (like surprising me with a picnic by a pond type of thing, or taking me out to look at the stars with NO expectation of sexual stuff)

- I do LOVE to cuddle, snuggle, hold hands, hug, get massages, etc.

Thoughts?? Sorry for the long post! (I have a habit of writing too much)

Seems like you are nonlibidoist because you don't masturbate and are even repulsed by the thought.

You say you want guys to want you when you feel hot so you are slightly sexual.

If I would have to label you, I would call you nonlibidoist graysexual. But more dark grey, closer to asexual. So yeah, nonlibidoist asexual-ish.

[pittiechick]

Oh thank you, that is helpful. I just looked it up and I'm definitely a nonlibidoist. I also think, from what I've looked into, that I'm heteroromantic.