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Any way to become less sex-repulsed?


An elven aro

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I know that as I get older people my age will start thinking and talking more about sex, and I'd like to have a more sex-indifferent attitude because I don't want to be disgusted by the inevitable sexual things or thought of as immature. (Even kissing disgusts me). Is there any way to change my sex-repulsion, or is this one of those things I'll just have to accept?

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I don't know if it's possible to make yourself become less sex-repulsed. Maybe, in order to be able to talk about it more comfortably with people, you could try thinking about it in a purely biological sense? In a way that totally disconnects yourself from it? This seems to help me, because I'm also sex-repulsed and talking to people about it makes me uncomfortable and disgusted.

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It sounds like you want to desensitize yourself which may be possible with the help of a professional. I don't think it would be that different than trying to alleviate some phobia for which treatments are available.

Myself, I do not really have an issue about talking about sex in anonymous forums but I could not talk about it in person with someone. And if I had to talk about it with a family member I would probably drink bleach before going there.

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romantic-woman

I am so repulsed as you. The only way that may make me be indifferent is when people around me stop to be so crazy about sex, i am so pressed of the society and sex is the main reason that i am alone by choice cause few people can understand how i feel.

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Per Aspera Ad Astra

I am sex-repulsed as well. Like you, kissing is kind of a nope too (unless it's a peck on the lips, or something light. As long as no bodily fluids are exchanged, I'm okay with it). I used to feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable whenever someone would mention sex. Sex scenes in the movies made me look away and feel disgusted...

I had a friend, a girl, who had kind of a dirty mind, and who would see innuendos literally everywhere (a bit like the character Todd, in the TV series Scrubs). At first, I would watch my every word, because I was terrified anything I would say would lead to a sex-related conversation (seriously, the littlest thing could set her off xD). Anyway, as time passed, I got used to it. I would even try and see innuendos before she did, or I would go to great lengths to find clever innuendos. It really became a game between us, and it's helped not to feel as uncomfortable as I used to.

Regarding sex scenes in the movies, I still feel awkward when watching them, but it doesn't disgust me anymore. I now simply see it as a biological act, and nothing else. I mean, I've been around horses most of my life, and it has never disgusted me when I have seen a stallion mounting a mare, because it was nothing more than a biological act. So why should I be disgusted if people do the same? As long as I compartmentalize it, I'm good.

But the moment I either imagine myself in a sexual scenario, or if someone asks me questions about my sex life (you'd be surprised at how many guys do that at the supermarket where I work besides college) or even just hints at it (something as little as a suggestive look or a suggestive smile), and I'm definitely feeling repulsed and disgusted.

So as long as I am not personally involved, I now don't really mind talking or hearing about sex. A friend told me about one of her booty calls, and went into details, but since it was about her sex-life and not mine, I didn't mind. I have managed to firmly separate both things in my mind: sex in other people's life, which I don't really mind (after all, it's their life, who am I to judge?); and sex in my life, which is a big nope and repulses me.

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I've always been repulsed and to be honest, the only thing I've found to help with that is just to avoid it all together. Since a lot of the books I read do have sexual content in them, I often will skim or outright skip over those passages and get back to the good stuff, like dialogue of actual substance pertaining to the overall plot or other interesting things of a similar nature. ;)

Given the current world we live in, however, I would recommend arming yourself with as much knowledge and information about the subject as possible. Do fun things like memorize statistics about everything so you can wow and maybe out gross your friends when they start talking about the subject. Midnight Light's method might work for you too. Alternatively, you can excuse yourself from the conversation and go do something else for a while. I have found books a great way to retreat from stuff I'd rather not listen to or watch. I still turn away from the screen when two characters start kissing like there's no tomorrow, especially with tongues involved. :wacko:

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I am not a psychologist/medical professional. I am in no position to recommend anything to you or tell you what you should do

that being said there are way to reduce phobias/aversion ect. if you want to but there probably isn't an easy way. here is something you might find useful:

http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/Desensit.htm

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Sarcastic Bob

Like Dygos said, I'm not a psychologist but I'd recommend some sort of desensitisation. While I was still wondering whether I was asexual or not I looked at a fair amount of mild pornography to try and figure it out, and even though I'm sex-repulsed, genitals became a lot less shocking for me after that. I wouldn't recommend that if even kissing disgusts you, but I think the same psychology still applies. Let's say you're watching TV and a couple start making out, maybe try watching it instead of looking away. Don't expose yourself to more than you can handle; if you're watching a drama for example and there's a nude sex scene, it might be best for you to skip it. But just stuff you randomly come across on films or TV that you think you're able to watch; try and make an effort to watch it instead of looking away.

(I'm assuming you look away because that's what I used to do whenever a sex scene came on. I'm a lot more comfortable with it now. Again, not a psychologist and there's nothing directly implying that what works for me will work for you, but perhaps it's something to keep in mind).

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Have you considered sex therapy? I know it's usually for couples, but if you can afford it, it might be able to help you to overcome some of what makes you so disgusted about sex :)

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It might happen naturally over time. In my experience, I was probably most sex-repulsed around age 19/20 when I started learning a lot more about sex from sites like Scarleteen (I didn't really have any sex ed before that). But over the next few years (I'm 24 now), I've become more comfortable with the idea that "This is just the way the world is, the vast majority of people are interested in and talk about sex, and I can accept that." I've never watched porn, and I still think I'd be extremely repulsed by porn or real-life sex, but generally speaking reading/hearing about sexual things doesn't bother me much anymore.

But I agree with others in this thread--if it's something that is preventing you from living your life normally (like you avoid going places or talking to people because you're worried about seeing/hearing sexual stuff), then that's probably phobia territory and you may want to explore that with a counselor at some point.

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Thanks for all your replies! I don't exactly have a phobia of sex or kissing, just that I think kissing is weird (though I can watch it) and sex is disgusting and weird. I can watch maybe 5 seconds of a sex scene (not that I've seen many!) though I think the noises are weird so I turn the sound down.

For those of you who suggested therapy, I'm only 16 so it might be seen as a little strange, but maybe when I'm older. I don't think that'll really be necesssary though; I can tolerate sex most of the time and I have two very sexual friends who make lots of jokes. They don't tend to repulse or disgust me, just annoy me in a jokey kind of way (all my friends know I'm ace). So I guess I'm sex-repulsed when it comes to thinking of myself in those situations and when it's on TV, but it doesn't really affect my life at all. But thanks again for your replies!

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