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Vaginismus? (tmi)


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Not long ago my mom strong-armed me into getting my first pelvic exam. I tried twice, once on Xanax, but couldn't relax enough to let the gyno touch me. While she didn't officially diagnose vaginismus, she gave me a set of dilators from the vaginismus.com website to use to "desensitize" myself. I've tried to use them a couple of times, but as just the thought of touching there makes me anxious (often to the point of tears), I haven't gotten very far.

The problem is, I want to overcome my anxiety of having things in and around my vagina, but it's kind of hard to do when I really don't want anything in or around my vagina ever.

So here's my question - I've read that therapy can be important to treating the psychological causes of vaginismus, but I'm wary of ending up with a shrink who is convinced I've been abused (which I haven't), or be unwilling/unable to understand the whole asexual thing (which could really inhibit their ability to understand anything that's going on). Has anyone had good experiences with therapy for this or similar problems? Or know of other methods for overcoming a fairly extreme anxiety about vaginal touching/penetration?

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You aren't alone here. I've met one or two girls here who have similar problems. Some of the detail I don't want to divulge, because they are pretty personal, but I want to reiterate that you aren't alone with this

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So here's my question - I've read that therapy can be important to treating the psychological causes of vaginismus, but I'm wary of ending up with a shrink who is convinced I've been abused (which I haven't), or be unwilling/unable to understand the whole asexual thing (which could really inhibit their ability to understand anything that's going on). Has anyone had good experiences with therapy for this or similar problems? Or know of other methods for overcoming a fairly extreme anxiety about vaginal touching/penetration?

I occasionally go to the counseling center that my college has. The counselor I see is incredibly understanding and understands where I come from with a lot of things I talk to them about.

Were you raised in a home that was very strict with "NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?!" type deal? If you were, it's possible this fueled this intense phobia. There's increasing evidence and studies coming out that shows girls that were drilled with said saying, makes anything going inside the vagina extremely difficult and/or impossible because of the pain involved.

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Quite the opposite. My mom is a gyno herself and actively opposes the abstinence only crap they teach in schools. I'm more inclined to think it's related to hypersensitivity - I'm also very ticklish and had a hell of a time learning to wear contacts.

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ButtCountyDanceParty

Before I realized asexuality is a thing, I thought I had vaginismus because having sex with my boyfriend made me so tense that sex hurt. I've noticed if I don't get in the right mindset before getting a Pap smear I get tense as well and it hurts more than it needs to. Sometimes I have to psych myself out for things like that by just trying to think of something else. So I guess ... lie back and think of England? I'll bet if you manage to get through it once, it's the kind of thing that gets easier every time. Like wearing a new outfit you're not so sure about or something.

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ButtCountyDanceParty

Oh, and P.S. I also tried to manually stretch things out back when I thought it was vaginismus and not just being essentially closed for business down there, and seriously, don't worry if that or dilators don't seem to be getting you anywhere. I think it made me more panicked, which just made things more painful. It's like one of those Chinese finger traps but with your lady business.

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Hi there,

I totally agree that vaginismus is due to some problem in the past. It can be dealt with , it just needs time and patience. I tried hypnotherapists and all sorts of things. There is one site which may explain things better , and which helped me with my problem called vagi-wave.co.uk. It is a UK company which helps deal with vaginismus at a psychological level and does not advocate the physical stretching route. I hope this information is of help to you and sympathise with your issues as I know it can cause havoc in any relationship. I was on the verge of divorce until I found the right help. GPs and gynos are clueless about this condition and if only more people discussed this like they do with erectile dysfunction or anything else for that matter then the problem would not be swept under the carpet and ignored. That is why I am replying to you and everyone else with this problem. God bless

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Thanks for the advice and support - guess I'll give the "thinking of England" a try, but I don't know how much that would help. As soon as her fingers were down there, I was backing away against a conscious effort to stay still and calm... I think it's more like flinching away when someone tries to hit your or tickle you, or blinking your eye when something gets too close... an involuntary defensive mechanism, but in this case possibly with some psychological underpinnings

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Thanks for the advice and support - guess I'll give the "thinking of England" a try, but I don't know how much that would help. As soon as her fingers were down there, I was backing away against a conscious effort to stay still and calm... I think it's more like flinching away when someone tries to hit your or tickle you, or blinking your eye when something gets too close... an involuntary defensive mechanism, but in this case possibly with some psychological underpinnings

I've heard it is like what happens when you put your finger next to somebodies eyes. Naturally they close cause you don't want somebodies finger in your eye. I know close to nothing about vaginas, but I image taking your time and really being consistent well help in whatever choice you make to remedy it.

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I used to have a similar issue, not bad enough to prevent me from making use of a gyno's services but enough that I was stricken with serious anxiety surrounding that kind of thing. The way I got past it was to just tough it out (which of course may not be possible for everyone) and eventually I kind of got used to it. Gyno exams are no fun but they aren't the nightmare they used to be for me. But of course if you can't be penetrated at all, that's a whole 'nother issue where toughing it out won't work.

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I've been told I have vaginismus - from the time I started to try to have sex, it was very difficult. I saw a special gyno who wanted me to use gradually increasingly large dilators, which made me cry. I never used them. I thought it was disgusting. A counselor I saw one time thought I had vaginismus and thought my boyfriend should do counseling with me, which he never did, so that went no where. But now as I'm questioning this whole asexuality thing, I'm wondering if it's just that. I just don't want anything down there.

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I have experienced some similar situations. Any sort of penetration or exam can seem daunting "You want to stick what where?!", and it can be easy to overlook the fact that the vagina is capable of stretching itself open wide. I personally find that it is due to anxiety. If I am in a good mindset, everything is fine. If I am in a not so good mindset, any penetration is very uncomfortable.

Interesting to hear you mention that you are ticklish. I am very ticklish over my entire body, including the bikini area, and I find that the ticklishness does get in the way for examinations and intimacy.

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