Seeking Advice on Telling People That I am Asexual

[AnKo]

For a while, I've entertained the possibility that I may be asexual, but dismissed my lack of sexual attraction as a phase. Now a little older, I have accepted my asexuality and am a little unsure how to go about telling guys that are interested in dating me. I have no qualms about going on dates and seeking a nonsexual partner, but I guess I'm wondering when it's appropriate to tell the guy that I'm asexual. Is this something to be discussed right off the bat so there's no misunderstandings, or should I wait until I see him a few times to avoid making things awkward? Thank you for you help!

[Certified Cake Decorator]

I think that guys that ask you out before knowing you are dumb anyway. Like, you have to be friends with someone first before you date them!

So at that point you should probably just tell your friends. People that just randomly ask you out aren't worth it anyway.

This is all my opinion though!!!!! I don't mean to offend ANYONE at all!

[Frigid Pink]

I personally prefer to share that information early on. Generally, I prefer to be "friendly" before I officially "date" someone (partly due to my being "demi-romantic") and since acceptance of my asexuality is a non-negotiable for me, it's very important that I find out whether someone accepts that aspect of me as early as possible. So, basically, I'd bring asexuality up with someone I have a romantic interest in before actually going on a "date" with them. Good luck!

[Sundance_]

I don't accept dates explicitly stated to be dates, either telling people that I don't date or that I'm asexual, whichever seems more prudent. I usually accept a friendly invitation to lunch or coffee, and attempt to pay for myself. I typically end up outing myself as asexual during that outing. At which point, the ball is in their court on whether they'd want to ask me out. But I'm not really into dating at all––it doesn't matter to me whether it works out.

I don't like to talk about being asexual with my friends anymore. It's not an ideal group; they aren't very accepting of it. They're the sort of people that postulate that they are asexual whenever they are having relationship issues, so they clearly don't understand what it really means. But it's sort of common knowledge that I identify that way, I think. I'm pretty sure they're all gossiping behind my back.

Anyway, I only out myself to new people when it will help them understand what to expect from me. It's not most people's business and I don't need the misunderstanding or potential persecution.

EDIT: To bring up my sexuality on date-type outings, I sometimes mention that I've dated women (not exactly true, but close enough) (also I'm bio-female) and the person will ask about my orientation, at which point I can explain that I'm asexual. I'm conniving that way and also pretty shameless.

[Frigid Pink]

Anyway, I only out myself to new people when it will help them understand what to expect from me. It's not most people's business and I don't need the misunderstanding or potential persecution.

I don't tell most people, either. I definitely tell people if I have a romantic interest in them and want to pursue that interest because it helps determine compatibility. Otherwise, if someone has a romantic interest in me and I'm not interested in them, then I just tell them I'm not interested without any further information or explanation.

[butterscotchwm]

I asked my boyfriend if he knew what asexuality was, first. Then, once he learned what it was, he didn't have anything bad to say about it. So that's when I decided to just tell him that I was asexual.

Asking someone if they know what it is, first, is a good way to test the waters.

[PatheticGirl]

I'll suggest whenever you are comfortable. But, tell him before things get serious between you two

[Nymra]

Alright, first thing first.

I don't think anybody likes bursting in with such a subject at the very start.

But one advice I can give you is: Don't wait too long if you're in a relationship with this person. It just makes things way more complicated than they're supposed to be. I think it's important to let your partner know - after a while of course - that you're not sexual...

Saying if you really want to start a relationship and you're serious about it, tell them who you are.

I'm currently stuck in the situation that I just can't tell my partner that I'm asexual because I'm afraid he'll leave me just because I'm repulsive on sex. (He's a sexual, so that's why it concerns me like this.)

So my advice, tell them if you're certain about getting into a relationship with this person. The longer you'll wait the harder it gets :(

Important note:
This is my experience

Wish you the best though ^^

[AnKo]

Thank you everyone for all your input, you've been extremely helpful!

[Leelian]

Early on is good. It does not have to be the first date, but if it looks like there might be time spent with someone, then it is time to tell them. You could ask what their intentions or expectations are for your relationship.

I am more or less out at this point. I tell people when the subject of sexuality comes up, or if I really think they should know my asexuality. I figure my extended family might start to question when I post pictures of myself am dressed in asexual pride colors at next year's pride parade. Not like it's any of their business anyways.

[JohnSC]

I would leave the AVEN website on my laptop and let people "accidentally see" that I am active on the forums or frequently visit the website. This is sort of a indirect method.

For good friends maybe just chat with them, I do this by complaining about my asexual problems before I say I am asexual and then slowly work in a direct statement that I am Asexual.

My less accepting friends would say I'm oblivious or in denial at first but then gradually accept it after disagreeing with them on a lot of sexual topics. My accepting friends would say well what is the big deal if you don't care about sex?