Thought I was libidoist, now I'm not sure (TMI warning)

[wintermint]

Kind of awkward to be making this topic but I've been puzzling over this for a while now. From what I understand, nonlibidoist basically means that you don't have any desire for sex, including masturbation and sex with another person. I haven't seriously considered this description to fit me, since I would maybe have sex under specific circumstances and do masturbate occasionally so I assumed I was libidoist and never gave it much thought. However....I started to give it more thought (maybe overthinking) and now where I'm a little fuzzy on this definition is with what the terms "sex drive" and "libido" actually refer to.

A lot of libidoist asexuals masturbate because they feel a physical/biological urge or arousal that they don't necessarily want. This is considered sex drive, which makes sense to me. But in my own experience I rarely, actually never, actually feel some physical urge to get off, for me it's more psychological, because I enjoy the idea of some sexual situations and I like to indulge in my fantasies when I get bored sometimes. I would consider that having a sex drive as well, but I don't know if it's really the same thing as libido. I sometimes go for long periods of time without thinking of sex or masturbating and I don't ever randomly get aroused without physical stimulation. As far as I know I could go the rest of my life without an orgasm and my body would never physically crave it, which sounds a lot like nonlibidoism even though I wouldn't exactly consider myself one. Sometimes I watch porn or read erotica to get into the mindset, lol but I feel that differently than being "turned on" in a physical sense.

The labels and exact definitions really aren't important to me personally, but I'm wondering if any of this sounds at all logical or if it's possible to be gray-libidoist, lol. Defining it in a way that makes sense to me, "sex drive" can be psychological as well as physical. I guess my question is, does "libidoism" only refer to physical arousal/desire for sex or can it also be mental, and can people with some sort of drive for sex still be nonlibidoist? I also understand that some nonlibidoists can't become sexually aroused or don't like it/don't feel any pleasure from it. I'm interested to see what AVEN thinks? In most of the posts here it seems like a lot of asexuals consider libido and sex drive to be basically the same thing. It took me a while to make this post and word everything as clearly as I could but I still think it came out pretty confusing >< sorry

While searching around to see if anything similar to this question has been asked before, I came across a tumblr post that describes almost exactly the same thing. The responses were sort of inconclusive, but thought-provoking. Here is the link if anyone is interested: http://asexualityexists.tumblr.com/post/38581903490/question-for-nonlibidoist-asexuals-post-contains

[argar]

I have a similar situation, I do not orgasm, but I do like to masturbate . I feel aroused at times, but it is unfocused. I watch porn or read erotica to give I a focus when I'm to lazy to construct a fantasy to go with the masturbation. That can be time consuming.

I think the fact I feel arousal at times, even though it has no direction, and am not inherently repulsed by the idea of sex, I would consider myself a libidoist. I agree that in my case it is more psychological than physical, but still libido. I do consider it a sex drive, just in a slightly different direction, or no direction, than others. Its like people that feel aroused by women's feet or shoes. It's still sex drive, but in a different direction.

I hope some of the above made sense.

Have a beautiful night.

[Kagon]

A lot of libidoist asexuals masturbate because they feel a physical/biological urge or arousal that they don't necessarily want. This is considered sex drive, which makes sense to me. But in my own experience I rarely, actually never, actually feel some physical urge to get off, for me it's more psychological, because I enjoy the idea of some sexual situations and I like to indulge in my fantasies when I get bored sometimes. I would consider that having a sex drive as well, but I don't know if it's really the same thing as libido. I sometimes go for long periods of time without thinking of sex or masturbating and I don't ever randomly get aroused without physical stimulation. As far as I know I could go the rest of my life without an orgasm and my body would never physically crave it, which sounds a lot like nonlibidoism even though I wouldn't exactly consider myself one. Sometimes I watch porn or read erotica to get into the mindset, lol but I feel that differently than being "turned on" in a physical sense.

I consider myself non-libidoist. I can tell you from my own experience, that the items I've bolded don't happen for me...I have absolutely no desire to engage in any sexual activity whatsoever. I don't understand why I would want to. I am capable of being physically stimulated (for example, if clothing rubs the wrong way), but for the most part I find it physically uncomfortable and it's something I would never, EVER seek out on my own. Even when I was in a relationship, any attempts at foreplay had me completely disinterested at best, progressing into uncomfortable.

From where I stand, the fact that this is something that you in some way seek out on your own would leave you as a libidoist on some level. Like everything else, there is likely a spectrum here, so grey-libidoist or low-libidoist may describe you (but isn't a thing that I have personally paid any attention to). Remember that the point of "labels" is to find language to describe yourself, not to put yourself into one box or another.

[kelico]

You've brought up something I've found myself questioning a lot! And I still do at times. It's funny because I came across that same post, and I read some of the responses to it like this one, and that's how I decided that nonlibidoist is the right way to describe myself. Arousal is a physical reaction to stimuli (physical, visual, etc.). I would say that having a libido...if you have a libido/sex drive and are feeling arousal, you will want/have the urge to satisfy it. And probably seek out the stimuli to feel said arousal.

I've never masturbated, nor have I had the desire to do so. At times, incidentally, I feel arousal because of seeing/reading something (stimuli) that causes it (ero scenes in books/movies). However, I don't have the urge to "scratch that itch." The "itch" usually lasts a few minutes, tops, and then disappears without anything being done, when the stimuli is gone.

I know it can be confusing...and it is different for everyone. Like GreyelvenRanger said, there's a spectrum to everything. So describe yourself as you see fit. : ) Only you can be sure of your body and mind, anyway.

P.S. I'm definitely not an expert as I've been confused by this a lot myself lol...but this is how I see it for me! It might not be the same for everyone.

[Guest]

I'm the same. I do masturbate and have some kind of libido and if I met the person with the same point of view as me I'd have sex.

[WünderBâhr]

Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum.

Byanyothername

Asexual Q&A Mod

[newMasturbator]

While searching around to see if anything similar to this question has been asked before, I came across a tumblr post that describes almost exactly the same thing. The responses were sort of inconclusive, but thought-provoking. Here is the link if anyone is interested: http://asexualityexists.tumblr.com/post/38581903490/question-for-nonlibidoist-asexuals-post-contains

Well, there is definately a spectrum for libido. Some people have a high libido, some people have a low libido and some people have no libido at all!

I have been very very confused by this topic as well. I'm capable of becoming sexually excited (not just physically but also psychologically) and I'm capable of enjoying sexual acts (kissing, oral and vaginal sex, everything really) and I also feel sexual attraction to women. So it sounds like I'm just a normal and sexual person, right?

Well, there is one difference. I don't masturbate and I don't feel the need to ''scratch an itch'' or to relieve any sexual tension. I don't even know what a physical drive to sex and orgasm feels like. And by this definition, I would qualify as a nonlibidoist even though I enjoy sex. I thought this was normal but I found out I'm a statistical outlier.

So , my sexuality kind of resembles yours. You don't have a physical craving for sex/orgasms but you still enjoy some sexual act (masturbation).

I would summarize as follows:

-low libido: occasionally having ''an itch to scratch'', relatively easy to ignore

-high libido: frequently having ''an itch to scratch'', difficult to ignore

-no libido: never feeling the need to ''scratch an itch''

By this definition, you and I would classify as nonlibidoists. But I agree that it is very confusing. Something feels not quite right :) I will look into it further.

I conclude that not having a physical urge to have sex or orgasm equals having no libido, even if you feel physical attraction and sexual arousal.