Questions questions questions

[Re-Rewind]

Hi! Our college is trying to spread awareness about asexuality and has designed some questions that I would be glad if some of you could answer! Pretty please? :)

1. When did you personally find out that your identity differed from your peers?
2. How was it growing up with your identity? Did you face any difficulties?
3. Would you say your family or certain friends/peers/teachers/etc have been an obstacle to your identity? Were they supportive/ not supportive?
4. Where did you find most comfort from? For example, friends or perhaps LGBT* groups, or online social networks.
5. Are there any prejudices people still have towards you and your identity?
6. If you could change one thing about today’s society, what would that be?
7. Who is your biggest role model – whether it is a celebrity, or a family member, or a fictional character? Why?
8. How do you think the LGBT* community treats your specific identity? Do you have any examples where they mistreated you, or someone you know has a certain identity?
9. How do you think the LGBT* community can improve?
10. Do you believe that you overcame any sort of obstacles you had? Or do you think there still is a way to go before you will finally be accepted as part of your identity?
11. How do you believe online communities such as forums (AVEN) or tumblr treats your identity?
12. Do you believe cyber bullying has affected you? In what way? Or any types of bullying?
13. Think of whichever country/society you grew up in/are in – how do you think they could improve? This could be past country or current country.
14. What message would you want to give to someone who identifies as you but is rather confused or afraid?

Thank you so much to anyone who sacrificed there time to answer these!

[Zapstileon]

1. When did you personally find out that your identity differed from your peers?

After having sex, and trying to have sex, and then realising that "this completely sucks. Can I not?" And then thinking I was broken. I was seventeen, by the way.
2. How was it growing up with your identity? Did you face any difficulties?

I didn't really grow up with it, I guess. I never knew it existed, so the only difficulty I faced was the sufferance of SexEd and a bunch of hyper-sexual friends.
3. Would you say your family or certain friends/peers/teachers/etc have been an obstacle to your identity? Were they supportive/ not supportive?

My mother is a pain in the arse, actually, because she is like a roller-coaster of "I get it/ I don't get it". Teachers... I didn't really broadcast it when I was in school, so teachers never knew. Maybe one or two knew, but they clearly didn't make any problems of it, seeing as I don't really remember their reaction. Friends... my closest friends are really supportive. Some people don't get it, though. But they are usually just acquaintances that don't bother me.
4. Where did you find most comfort from? For example, friends or perhaps LGBT* groups, or online social networks.

Definitely friends. And all praise to AVEN, of course.
5. Are there any prejudices people still have towards you and your identity?

I've had my share of "That's not a thing," / "You haven't had me yet!" / "You just haven't found the right person!" / "Everybody wants sex!" I usually ignore this shit or explain it to them in terms they can understand. There are lots of prejudices, but I rarely face them head on since I don't walk around with a t-shirt that says "Asexual and proud!"
6. If you could change one thing about today’s society, what would that be?

Hatred. Simple as that.

7. Who is your biggest role model – whether it is a celebrity, or a family member, or a fictional character? Why?

Well... It rests between two. Christopher Hitchens because of his outspoken nature and all the things he did and achieved in his career, and Stephen Fry because he is so talented in so many ways, and that's something I'd really like to be too. And then there are several other people, but you asked for the biggest, and those are the biggest. Sorry, they share the first place.
8. How do you think the LGBT* community treats your specific identity? Do you have any examples where they mistreated you, or someone you know has a certain identity?

No, because I've never interacted with the LGBT* community. I like to hope for the best until proven otherwise.
9. How do you think the LGBT* community can improve?

From what I hear, it really needs to be more accepting of certain things, such as asexuality. But again, I have no experience with it, so I can't say.
10. Do you believe that you overcame any sort of obstacles you had? Or do you think there still is a way to go before you will finally be accepted as part of your identity?

Aside from certain confusions I have in my own head, I'm pretty obstacle-proof on the asexuality aspect of my identity. People around me accept me. If they will always do so is a different question but for right now, I'm in a pretty good place.

11. How do you believe online communities such as forums (AVEN) or tumblr treats your identity?

AVEN is pretty cool about my identity. As for the rest of the internet... I mean, my identity isn't restricted to asexuality, so acceptance and treatment vary a little depending on what I reveal. And to whom.
12. Do you believe cyber bullying has affected you? In what way? Or any types of bullying?

In regards to asexuality, no. In general, yes. I've had a few run-ins with cyber-bullying where I was equally guilty of sendinghateful and hurtful comments in defense of what was sent to me. I had a really nasty case in 7th grade with cyber-bullying, from which I escaped pretty unscathed, but I have been very careful with what I say to people since then. Bullying in itself has been a problem too, but again, not in regards to asexuality since I was well into high school before I realised I was asexual, and didn't really tell many people until after high school.
13. Think of whichever country/society you grew up in/are in – how do you think they could improve? This could be past country or current country.

They could definitely raise awareness about asexuality. There was an article a couple months back by an anonymous ace, which was good. But it didn't really go viral, so so much for that. We need awareness. SexEd should cover these things. Why doesn't SexEd cover these things? I'm sure they could squeeze it in between "This is what happens if you don't use protection!" and "Here's how you use protection!" <_<
14. What message would you want to give to someone who identifies as you but is rather confused or afraid?

Well, if you're asexual, just roll with it. Find AVEN, talk to people, and most importantly, there's nothing wrong with you! You're a beautiful human being, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Surround yourself with people who are good for you, and remember that no matter how alone you feel, there's somebody out there who feels a lot like you do. The trick is to find them! ;)

[Smmk]

1. When did you personally find out that your identity differed from your peers?

When I was around 14 and everyone around me was changing while I was not.

2. How was it growing up with your identity? Did you face any difficulties?

Just uncomfortable situations. I lied about finding boys "hot" and never understood girl talk about crushes and such. But well...I've always been one to speak out loud and never felt pressured. If someone said something I didn't agree with I would discuss it rather than keep my mouth shut. I felt left out sometimes, but never any huge issues.

3. Would you say your family or certain friends/peers/teachers/etc have been an obstacle to your identity? Were they supportive/ not supportive?

No. I have not told them about it though, because it does not seem necessary in any way.

4. Where did you find most comfort from? For example, friends or perhaps LGBT* groups, or online social networks.

From my very understanding partner and the lovely people here on AVEN :)

5. Are there any prejudices people still have towards you and your identity?

I have not told many people since I only discovered demi sexuality a couple of months ago. I would love to talk about it with some close friends of mine but it still has to happen. I think they will be understanding though.

6. If you could change one thing about today’s society, what would that be?

Stop making stupid people famous for god's sake!

7. Who is your biggest role model – whether it is a celebrity, or a family member, or a fictional character? Why?

I don't really have one.

8. How do you think the LGBT* community treats your specific identity? Do you have any examples where they mistreated you, or someone you know has a certain identity?

No problems at all.

9. How do you think the LGBT* community can improve?

Can't really think of something now ;)

10. Do you believe that you overcame any sort of obstacles you had? Or do you think there still is a way to go before you will finally be accepted as part of your identity?

I never experienced the "accepting who I am phase". I have always accepted who I am. When I could finally label myself as demisexuality (simply because I was unaware of the label for about 20 years) everything fell into place and felt oh so right.

11. How do you believe online communities such as forums (AVEN) or tumblr treats your identity?

It is such an advantage that a lot of people here experience the same things I have experienced or am experiencing. So I feel understood.

12. Do you believe cyber bullying has affected you? In what way? Or any types of bullying?

I have never, in anyway, been bullied nor have I bullied someone myself.

13. Think of whichever country/society you grew up in/are in – how do you think they could improve? This could be past country or current country.

Oh there are lots of things ;P

14. What message would you want to give to someone who identifies as you but is rather confused or afraid?

Don't be afraid and be proud of who you are. Yes, identifying yourself can be confusing, but make it an interesting experience and a worthy one!

[Silent Bell]

1. When did you personally find out that your identity differed from your peers?

I found out when i was around 14, when everyone else was going on about boyfriends and planning weddings and children. I'd just not be interested in anything like that
2. How was it growing up with your identity? Did you face any difficulties?

I didn't really see anything different about myself compared to my friends other than being confused about what all the fuss was when it came to sexual topics.
3. Would you say your family or certain friends/peers/teachers/etc have been an obstacle to your identity? Were they supportive/ not supportive?

My mum refuses to believe i'm asexual, and constantly berates me about my supposed identity. My friends, who i have known and been VERY close with throughout primary school, high school and university, are extremely supportive of my identity.
4. Where did you find most comfort from? For example, friends or perhaps LGBT* groups, or online social networks.

My lifeline is essentially my friends, who are more like a family to me. Recently discovering AVEN has also been helping me understand myself a bit more.
5. Are there any prejudices people still have towards you and your identity?

Absolutely. There's always comments of "you just haven't found the right person yet" and "you're confused" and "don't you want children?"
6. If you could change one thing about today’s society, what would that be?

Hatred towards each other. Everyone's different, why can't we all get that and accept it??
7. Who is your biggest role model – whether it is a celebrity, or a family member, or a fictional character? Why?

Don't really have a role model
8. How do you think the LGBT* community treats your specific identity? Do you have any examples where they mistreated you, or someone you know has a certain identity?

I haven't had really any experience with the LGBT community per say. Quite a few of my friends identify as homosexual, pansexual, bisexual, or asexual, and we're all really close.
9. How do you think the LGBT* community can improve?

From what i've read about it, they need to be more accepting of each other, and us.
10. Do you believe that you overcame any sort of obstacles you had? Or do you think there still is a way to go before you will finally be accepted as part of your identity?

I never really had any obstacles. I've always had the support of my friends to help me.
11. How do you believe online communities such as forums (AVEN) or tumblr treats your identity?

AVEN is awesome. That is all.
12. Do you believe cyber bullying has affected you? In what way? Or any types of bullying?

I've never experienced cyber bullying, and luckily no other forms of bullying either that I can remember.
13. Think of whichever country/society you grew up in/are in – how do you think they could improve? This could be past country or current country.

Awareness and acceptance are probably the most important things that need to be improved.
14. What message would you want to give to someone who identifies as you but is rather confused or afraid?

Who cares what others think about you. You are what YOU want to be, not what anyone else wants. If they can't accept that then tough for them. You are not broken, and you will find people to support and accept you for what you are.

[Star Bit]

1. Junior high

2. Not really. It sucked turning friends down who asked me out; because I cared for them but not in that way. Honestly, I would have dated most of them if I had romantic attraction for them (its rare for me). Luckily there were few who ever asked and none of my friends in high school ever pressured me about not dating, or even tried to hook me up. So it wasn't really a visible problem for me and I was just waiting for the time to come when I felt sexually until I found out about Asexuality last year.

3. No one has really been an obstacle. My friends are very accepting. Even though I haven’t come out to them simply out of relevance (well, I did come out to 3, but they’re all online), I’m sure they’d be accepting of it because they already accept and don’t bother me about my virginity. However, my parents aren't accepting of “what’s different”, so I’m sure I’d get a bad reaction from them. But they don’t need to know, nor have they ever bothered me about never dating anyone at 24. Maybe because I showed interest when I was 5 and another time at 13, so perhaps they don’t think there’s a real problem.

4. When I found out I was Asexual I didn't really need comfort. The 3 online friends i told were immediately accepting of it, so i suppose that's all i needed. But I did find more clarity about its diversity on AVEN.

I don't really have any answers for the rest.

[drjohnhwatson]

1. When did you personally find out that your identity differed from your peers?

Perhaps during my teenage years, but especially during college and after college.

2. How was it growing up with your identity? Did you face any difficulties?

I always felt lonelier that I didn't really have any partners, but at the same time I didn't think I could have sex with anyone; I just didn't have any sexual attraction for anyone, whether I crushed on them or not.

3. Would you say your family or certain friends/peers/teachers/etc have been an obstacle to your identity? Were they supportive/ not supportive?

I know that I couldn't tell any of my "real life" friends, nor could I tell work mates or family because I don't think they would understand. So no, not supportive, really. Especially when many of them use the Christian religion as a tool to hate on what they don't like and don't understand and promote what they do like and do understand.

4. Where did you find most comfort from? For example, friends or perhaps LGBT* groups, or online social networks.

I have my friends. I might have one or two straight friends online, but the rest are all over the spectrum so they might not be the same as me, but they understand what it's like not to subscribe to what society sees as the "default" sexuality.

5. Are there any prejudices people still have towards you and your identity?

Heck yeah!! Do you know how many times I've seen people say we don't belong in the LGBT? That we don't have it difficult at all? That nobody bothers us? I see it a lot. I have a friend on Twitter who is very zealous with social rights, and yet she mutes talk of asexuality and demisexuality and I think she believes demisexuality doesn't exist or hates it? I think the second category. Ugh.

6. If you could change one thing about today’s society, what would that be?

That people would be far more understanding of what they don't experience. Just try to put themselves in people's shoes...

7. Who is your biggest role model – whether it is a celebrity, or a family member, or a fictional character? Why?

I recently watched the movie to this anime I really like (Tiger & Bunny) and it's called "The Rising". There's a character in it who struggled with his sexuality and his gender at a younger age, and he declared basically "they say a man is made of courage and a woman is made of love so what does that mean for people who are [a japanese term for third gender]? We are invincible!" The whole message of the movie being that just because you're different doesn't mean you're a monster, just because you have troubles doesn't mean you can't turn it around, and how you can always have people who will support and love you for who you are. it was crazy inspiring for me and really led me to finally admit that i have panromantic tendencies :lol:

8. How do you think the LGBT* community treats your specific identity? Do you have any examples where they mistreated you, or someone you know has a certain identity?

i think they treat it pretty badly. yeah i do; as i said above someone who is all for rights and who has leapt down my throat on a number of occasions for slights that she thought discriminatory doesnt seem to consider my identity as valid, hahaaa.

9. How do you think the LGBT* community can improve?

we need to start accepting one another and we need to stop putting other groups ahead of one another. we're all in this together, honestly, and we'll only make progress if we bond together, I think.

10. Do you believe that you overcame any sort of obstacles you had? Or do you think there still is a way to go before you will finally be accepted as part of your identity?

I think I've overcome some of my obstacles, but I have a way to go. I think if I was truly confident with myself I wouldn't mind revealing my identity to my family and coworkers, but as it is I simply cannot. Not at present. The people I know just wouldn't accept it. For now, I gotta wait.

11. How do you believe online communities such as forums (AVEN) or tumblr treats your identity?

AVEN obviously treats me well, haha. Would be a bit odd if they bullied an asexual and said my identity didn't exist, but you never know. :lol:. Tumblr seems accepting on the whole, but you still have some outliers who can be rather cruel.

12. Do you believe cyber bullying has affected you? In what way? Or any types of bullying?

Not really. I've not suffered it all that much, and if I have I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with asexuality. That I would have remembered.....I think. ;).

13. Think of whichever country/society you grew up in/are in – how do you think they could improve? This could be past country or current country.

I think the country as a whole might be somewhat aware of asexuality, but we've got so long to go before it's really accepted. do you know how often I've seen people say the "A" stands for ally or label it as such on pamphlets like at college and other places?? Even people that are in the LGBT acronym will say that and that allies are important for awareness.

14. What message would you want to give to someone who identifies as you but is rather confused or afraid?

You don't need to be afraid. You're different, but that doesn't mean that you're any worse than anyone else. "Straight" isn't as common and prevalent as they make it sound. It might seem as though there is no support for you where you're at, and it might be true (it is for me), but you can find groups if you travel or if you look online. You're never as alone as you think you are.

[Yo-Snap]

1. 17

2. I had trouble finding exactly what I was in terms of sexuality. I grew up thinking that heterosexuality was the only thing that existed, but upon finding out about other sexualities, i realized that the world wasn't only one way. I came to be "asexual" because I feel it suits me best.

3. All of the people that know that i am asexual are supportive of me.

4. I don't have friends offline, so about all of the support that I get is from online sources.

5. People probably have negative views towards me because of my openness to homoromanticism and other "weird" romantic views. (I'm panromantic.)

6. I wish people in society were more open to and tolerant of others' views and ways of life.

7. My father is a big role model for me because of his successes and ability to overcome hardship and continue to strive.

8. All of the people that I know that are part of the LGBT community are supportive of me.

9. I wish for the LGBT community to have less pretensions, especially when trying to support themselves for their rights.

10. I am comfortable enough with my sexual identity to have accepted it as part of my personal identity.

11. Fairly. AVEN is the only community that I'm really part of.

12. I have never been cyberbullied for my sexuality. Other cyberbullying has affected me as about any other form of bullying has affected me.

13. I wish the US would legalize marriage rights and other controversies (such as medical marijuana and the like) that could improve the quality of life for its citizens.

14. People that are scared to be themselves if they are asexual should know that they are accepted by more people than they know and that they can always come to people like us on these forums for any support that they need.