Keels Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 So, I'm finding it highly likely that I'm asexual. She's sexual, I think (though that's complicated now due to menopause). But on top of that we have a whole bunch of other relationship problems that need attention if we're going to stay together. And I do want to stay together. I love her, in spite of it all, and I also want to keep our family intact if at all possible. We tried counseling once before, but never got past the stage of each of us seeing the guy individually. And he was kind of weird, got stuck on a very mechanistic approach to our financial life and never really got to the emotional stuff. Plus, he told me, point blank, no discussion, that it was my job to initiate sex, because I'm the man in the relationship. I'm now kind of realizing that that was a really Bad Experience for me, in a way that I had little understanding of at the time. ANYWAY. Can anyone give any guidance on how to find a counselor who's knowledgeable/comfortable with the idea of asexuality? Especially given that I can't even definitively say I'm asexual at this point? Any success stories that I can take heart in? I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area, so I'm probably in one of the best locations for finding the right person. I just don't really have much of a grasp on how to go about it. Thanks so much. This place is amazing and wonderful. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 I can't help you with this as I don't live in that area or know anyone who does, however, I wish you the best in your search! Link to post Share on other sites
Chardog Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Search for someone who specializes in sexual issues. Before committing to see them, query their thoughts regarding asexuality. That would be your best bet to get a counselor that will address your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 If you get online counselor, do let me know too. Link to post Share on other sites
xoxo Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You dont need to find an asexual specific counselor- just a good one. Good counselors are worth their weight in gold. Sometimes you need to go through several before you find the right fit, and sometimes you do need to cough up the $150/hr they cost. But if they are the right fit, it will be SO WORTH IT. And I say that you dont need an asexual specific counselor because a good one will see that as just another label, and get to know you as a HUMAN BEING, not label. Ultimately, a good sex therapist will prescribe having sex on your own terms, defining yourself on your own terms, and respecting your partner for what *their* terms are. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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