Burgundy Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I'm not sure if this belongs here or in the Asexual Musings and Ranting board. Anyway, a while ago, I was a bit of a silly billy and ended up googling asexuality and how stupid, non-existent, not welcome in the LGBT community it is, blah blah blah (people are horrible sometimes... and then there's what I did when people are idiots who read stuff they shouldn't). It made me furious. Apparently, demisexuality is just really subtle slut-shaming. REALLY? So people who LITERALLY can't feel sexual attraction until a certain level of knowledge and bond is formed, actually shame people who DO feel comfortable to have multiple sexual (and consensual) partners? No - demisexuality is just a different sexuality to the 'norm,' and it's society who calls the ace community frigid and makes us feel bad/freaks for not wanting sex, therefore not 'fitting in.' HOW is it slut-shaming to make one's comfort levels known for consensual sex to happen? Exactly, it's not. What, would people prefer that demis have sex with someone despite not wanting to (in other words, be raped)? Actually, considering how society treats the ace community, people might actually want that... Scumbags. I'm not demi myself, but reading that just infuriated me. Sorry for the rant xx Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 You're right that it's not slut-shaming. This misconception happens because demisexuality gets conflated with people who only want to have sex with people they have an emotional bond with, which in turn gets conflated with shaming people who have casual sex. It's frustrating seeing that misconception be continued, when attraction, comfort with sex, and sexual attitudes are very separate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Smmk Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I think people who say this just don't know very much about it ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Zapstileon Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Well that's nice of the world. Let's just dislike everyone who doesn't fit in with 'the norm', shall we? That'll be fun for everyone [Heavy sarcasm intended]. Because everyone has something that doesn't fit in with some norm group. I have never met a person who fits in perfectly everywhere they go. Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I think this picture sums it up well Link to post Share on other sites
Exanimis Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Acccchhhh.... *sighs heavily* Of course, of course. The individual is wrong. Let's oppress him until he conforms. He is the problem. A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL in spite of a WHOLE SOCIETY/GROUP is the problem. You know what's the problem actually? The group's intolerance and normativism shoved down the individual's throat! That's the f*:-*g problem! Goddamn it! Seriously, I'd rather live in a world without sex! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyPariah Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 While I will never be able to understand how people have multiple sex partners, or have sex before having an emotional bond, I definitely don't hate them. If all parties are consensual, and protection is used, I see no issue with it. The only time this behavior makes me mad is when not all parties are consenting, and someone has an std/sti. To put someone else at risk for disease is just selfish, and cheating is not right. Link to post Share on other sites
aka Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 a lot of the times I have come out as demi to people they say they also prefer to get to know someone first and I think this is where I start to think people don't really understand (although all my friends do at least try to understand) I then say the difference is that it is not a choice for me... I feel no attraction to anyone until I get to know them very well and even then it is rare I feel any attraction towards them (even romantic attraction) I just feel nothing I wouldn't judge someone for having casual sex... I think if they enjoy it they should do it and have fun :) Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I haven't read the slut-shaming hate much but some people have said Demisexuality is normal. I even read a comment online that said "Do we really need an orientation for people who don't fuck strangers?". Too bad some people don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I haven't read the slut-shaming hate much but some people have said Demisexuality is normal. I even read a comment online that said "Do we really need an orientation for people who don't fuck strangers?". Too bad some people don't understand. Can't be too hard on them. This stuff is confusing! To top it off, you have a nonstop narrative of sex and romance absolutely drenching all of us all the time. It's insidious as hell too. So much so that despite all physical evidence to the contrary, I still find myself thinking that "of course I desire sex in exactly the same way as everyone else. How could I possibly not?" And though I haven't had it, I'm almost certain that I will, even without knowing why and knowing I'm not totally comfortable with it. Just because I'm supposed to. (There's some curiosity, I'll admit that). Emotional bond? You better believe it's a necessity at minimum...and even then...I don't know what I'll feel. I envy other aces who've done the sex thing, or who are positive they don't want to. I wish I had that kind of knowledge. Not knowing makes it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Copper Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I think a lot of things about the ace spectrum can be difficult to understand if a person has never had to question whether they lie somewhere on it. Most people have never even heard of asexuality in terms of sexual orientation unless they find out about it searching for why they don't get attraction the same way their peers do. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't be anything less than open minded about it. But it does make it easier to understand where they are coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 This random hatred is not limited to sexuality (obviously) - generally people seem to hate the things they don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Sakurastar Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member. Seriously, I am not looking to join the LGBT community or even the Asexual community ( I know that sound silly on this Aven forum but I came on here to meet people with common interests, not to join some society ). Why does there HAVE to be a community? If they are whinging about asexuals trying to enter their circle, the real problem is that they have a circle to begin with. Let's do something crazy and not be defined by our races, genders, and sexual preferences. Last time I checked, they weren't offering membership cards that give you 10% off at Burger King. Link to post Share on other sites
Arf Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 It's funny, because I am demisexual and I have had casual sex. Granted, it was before I learned about demisexuality, so in retrospect, I wouldn't have done it, but still. Link to post Share on other sites
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