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asexuality and paraphilia?


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I only recently starting considering asexuality as a possible sexuality for myself. My life has been immensely confusing because I'm an exclusive paraphiliac - as in, I'm only and exclusively turned on by certain things that are not sex-related. (It's about dominance and submission for me).

I always thought that that meant I wasn't asexual, because I would get aroused at things, just not sexual things. But after learning the distinction between arousal and attraction, the latter of which I still don't understand and don't think I experience (The closest I come is wanting certain people to be a part of the dom/sub dynamic thing, and fantasizing about it, but it doesn't seem to be a real attraction? Or maybe it is, I don't even really understand what attraction is?) it got me thinking. I'm not sexually attracted to people (as in, I don't see someone and want to bang them), not turned on by the idea of sex, nor do I want to experience it. It's like, if I see someone hot, I don't think "hey I'd bang you" but "hey I'd get really fucking turned on if you, like, got punched in the face" or something.

Does this, I don't know, qualify as asexuality? Or am I just a weird, kinky sex-repulsed allo? I just don't know because my situation seems so strange. I've never heard of kinky/paraphiliac asexuals so I don't even know if they exist or anything, or if they even can exist by definition. I know "am I ace" questions are discouraged but I was hoping someone had some advice or insight?

Please help?

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

As an Asexual Fetishist, I can say we do exist, fetishism does not require sexual attraction or ever sexual activity. You seem Ace to me from what you have described.

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This is an area in which there is no real consensus among the community.

The vast majority agree that you can be asexual and have a fetish. Your case is different though because it sounds like you desire to do S&M and type stuff for sexual pleasure. I personally consider that desire for partnered sex (which I and others take on here to be what asexuality actually is), but others would disagree with me.

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This is an area in which there is no real consensus among the community.

The vast majority agree that you can be asexual and have a fetish. Your case is different though because it sounds like you desire to do S&M and type stuff for sexual pleasure. I personally consider that desire for partnered sex (which I and others take on here to be what asexuality actually is), but others would disagree with me.

I do desire to have S/M partnered sessions, but though they're sexual for me (and presumably my partner) actual sex has no place in them?

I guess that's one of the questions I meant to ask: Am I not asexual because I do desire to have "sex", or at least something that's functionally sex even if it... isn't actually sex? Instead it's weird power dynamics?

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I guess that's one of the questions I meant to ask: Am I not asexual because I do desire to have "sex", or at least something that's functionally sex even if it... isn't actually sex? Instead it's weird power dynamics?

Unfortunately, there's nothing close to a community consensus on this. My personal opinion on this is that this would make you not asexual, others on here disagree. I do however know there are people much like yourself who post on here. You might want to ask in the kink/fetishes thread in grey-area for other opinions.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

This is an area in which there is no real consensus among the community.

The vast majority agree that you can be asexual and have a fetish. Your case is different though because it sounds like you desire to do S&M and type stuff for sexual pleasure. I personally consider that desire for partnered sex (which I and others take on here to be what asexuality actually is), but others would disagree with me.

I do desire to have S/M partnered sessions, but though they're sexual for me (and presumably my partner) actual sex has no place in them?

I guess that's one of the questions I meant to ask: Am I not asexual because I do desire to have "sex", or at least something that's functionally sex even if it... isn't actually sex? Instead it's weird power dynamics?

There are Cupiosexuals: Asexual who want a sexually active romantic relationship. Asexuals can have and enjoy sex.

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Hmm . . . well, I fall a step short of you. Yep, I have kinks, but they're not even people directed; I like reading about it is all. And always found the sex scenes that culminate from power dynamics unsatisfying and never knew why. Oh golly. So, I've had no one actually tell me that that even puts me at risk of not being on the asexual spectrum. All I can say to you is that none of us mind you being here and figuring it out, for however long it takes. Even shock has been pretty accepting, and as you can see they fall on the side of the dabate that places you outside of the asexual spectrum. If even they don't mind you being here, who the hey would?

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