Asexual Single Parents?

[Bluebird Heart]

Hello!

Just by browsing through some of the posts about children, I noticed that the vast majority of members seen to have an adversity to even the thought of children. I guess it made me start to feel like even more of an oddball than my asexuality already made me out to be, as I absolutely adore babies and children--so much so that I took a job teaching preschool/kindergarten in Japan immediately after graduating from college. I get so much happiness from interacting with the kids every day and watching them grow and learn...

Which brings me to the topic of this post. I'm young-ish (I'll be 26 this coming year), but I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember. I didn't really come to terms with my asexuality until I had sex for the first time last year and realized that I'm VERY repulsed by the act... As in I spent the entire next day a crying, blubbering mess and dreaded ever having to do it again. That was the point at which I realized 'Wow, maybe there's a reason I've been avoiding physical intimacy for the past ten years!' and seriously looked into the possibility of being asexual.

Now that I've come to terms with myself, though, I've decided I don't fit the category of women in their late thirties who have been 'waiting' for Mr. Right and feel their biological clock ticking beyond reason. Yes, I'm young, but I have no real desire to spend years filtering through the masses of potential sexual partners until I find, by chance or otherwise, that rare person who I happen to be compatible with both mentally and (non)sexually. If it happens, then great, but if not then at least I can say I took charge of my life and wasn't passively waiting for something that may never happen. I want kids more than I've wanted anything in my life up to this point, I have a stable job, an education, a handful of life experiences with more to come, and I would love to share all of this with my own little creation. Which is why I've decided to opt for artificial insemination in the coming year. I'm super excited but also incredibly nervous about the social backlash that's certain to come.

I guess my question is, has anyone else taken this path or at the very least considered it? Or on the flip side, if you're a single parent with children conceived through natural means, what has life been like for you and the little one(s)? It would be really nice to hear from others with similar experiences who don't think I'm absolutely crazy. Thoughts are more than welcome and muchly appreciated. :-)

[nika71]

I plan to adopt older children (5 +) at some point. If I am not married I will be actively looking for strong male role models, and even if I am married I will need to ensure that kids have someone they can talk to about things like sex. I think single parents can be great, but like all parents, need a network. Good luck!

[HarleyTwin]

Hey there, an welcome to AVEN!

Fear not. There are some here who desire children, and single people here who are single mothers/fathers. I myself, am 28, and it took me until I was 26 to come to terms with "why I didn't feel what everyone else keeps raving about",and I too, am desiring children. I've actually -as of this month- actively joined a sperm donor program that deals with single women, infertile couples and same sex women couples. The program is free (no thousands of dollars) the donors do not charge unless in the case of travel expenses and there is no sex allowed to be offered or exchanged. I even have a few potential donors at this time. But, I'm not saying that particular set-up is for everybody. But seeing as clinical IVF in my state is only for "medically infertile only" I didn't really have too many options other than traipsing through dating, and then bringing up that I'm asexual etc. As a demiromantic gray-asexual even, it could take even longer in that respect. because it takes me an incredible time to bond with someone before developing romantic feelings in the first place.

The program is aware of my situation, and thankfully I have got many support from friends and family who have been with me with this decision for the last 4 years. Though, I didn't discover that I was asexual until 2 years into it. I also asked an old and close friend of mine prior to signing up to the program, and while there was no "no" or "yes", I decided not to push it and ask him again if he had come to a decision, as he would have had to talk about it with his boyfriend, and that could have potentially caused problems for them, that I didn't want to cause, especially since his partner doesn't know me at all, compared to how he and I know each other.

I've not actually come across too much backlash with my decision - apart from a few who are a little concerned about how I would handle it - but my doctor has said that she believes it could be the best thing for me, and that's secured the support of my own mother (who is also asexual). Single parents, no matter their sexuality will unfortunately ALWAYS face some sort of stigma and backlash for being single parents, especially those who choose that path. BUT, the majority luckily, these days, outweighs the minority and people are seeing single parents (even those who choose it) to be just as acceptable. Which I'm glad for, and I'm sure many others are too.

As long as you know you can financially, mentally, and emotionally handle the pressure of being a parent (and it can be even MORE stressful as a single parent even with all those factors), then good luck to you also! Perhaps now that you're on AVEN, we can possibly support each other if you do decide to really take the path. :) I know that there is another single mom here who has said that she conceived her child through AI, so you aren't alone. :)

[interpol]

I'm not asexual, and I've definitely considered artificial insemination or using a surrogate to give me a kid so I could raise it myself.

I don't think there is as bad a backlash as there was just a few years ago against a single mom.

Then I remember how tiring toddlers can be, how amazing it is any of us got to this age given the number of stuff we get into as kids, how much I dread hearing tales of middle and high school and college stuff, how much I would worry about a kid just in general.......and how planned my parenthood would have to be due to medical concern. And how much family history I don't want repeated. Adoption brings a different set of issues that I would REALLY rather not deal with, including the very real possibility of having to return the kid because of behavior. And, the fact that, whether had your own, used a surrogate, or adopted.......they have to leave you eventually and make their own way in the world, and you do have to lead your own life. Parenthood isn't disaster insurance. And, the kid I do know (and despise) who was conceived via artificial insem lost his mother when he was under 18; a kid I am friends with conceived the same way did nearly lose her mom when she was 12. I know they're both fine, but still. I wouldn't want anything like that happening to my kid.

Parenthood is not easy, and single parenting is that much harder. It's real. All of it is real. Make sure you're prepared to the best of your ability if you go down that road. And make sure to make the necessary provisions of what would happen to your child if something happened to you, since in this instance, there is no "other parent" to fall back on.

[Guest]

I am a single mother of two under-fives. I was never someone who 'dreamed' of having kids or anything, I'm just not that sort of person (I have always been a total loner and prefer it that way, kids were never in my game-plan). But my ex was (extremely) abusive (this is before I know about asexuality, I just figured I was a sexual with broken plumbing or something lol) and well, very long story short, I am now a solo parent with two children.

It's HARD. every day, every night, every waking minute, it's hard.. and mum keeps telling me it'll only get harder as they get older *sigh* lol

But I do my best and people say that I am a very good parent, so that's something :)

If it's something you truly are passionate about, and really want, I imagine the feelings of having fulfilled your dreams etc might make it easier for you. Also if you have a good support network etc (which I don't) that might help take a lot of the pressure off you. Also, parenting books lol. I read hundreds of them! I really think its helpful to have as much information as possible available to you, so that way you can be prepared for a lot of the things parenthood brings. And also, before having babies, try to find a stable way to make money from home, or have something set up that you'll be able to start once you have the kids, so that you'll be able to work and be with your children while they are still young, instead of rushing around trying to deal with the stresses of daycare and things like that on your own (again this may be easier if you have a support network so that other people can babysit and pick kids up drop them off etc) but working from home is good especially while your children are young, because it means you can be there for them 24/7, which really is important for developing healthy parent/child bonds etc in my mind :)

I'm really tired, and am trying to cook dinner while making this comment, so that may not have been helpful at all lol, but hope you get some good ideas from this thread! I wish you luck with the future!!

[skymessenger]

I plan on being a single mom when I'm in my 30's. After I live life, accomplish my goals, save up money, practice responsibility, etc. I want 2 kids someday so the kid isn't lonely but also not to have too many kids. My mom was a single mom when I was 3 and my bro was a few months (dad left). Despite every challenge, mom loved her babies and did everything she could to ensure we grew up happy, healthy and to be good people (and we are!). So if my mother could do it, maybe I have a chance as well.

[Bluebird Heart]

Whew, thanks for the thoughtful replies! Had I posted this question on just about any other forum, 90% of the responses would have been along the lines of 'Ugh why would you even consider doing that to yourself and most of all a child omg you're gonna be a burden on society and your kid is gonna be so messed up and deprived of a father and a normal life you're a horrible person etc. etc.' It's good to finally find a community that understands and respects my reasoning instead of firing back immediately with 'You should wait, you'll find someone someday.' But... I don't WANT to wait to find someone when the overwhelming probability is that I'll have to settle on a sexual partner.

Anyway... Thanks for the support. I love hearing other parenting stories. ^-^

[AceInhibitor]

This has been my plan for a while, even before I considered the idea I was asexual, I knew that the chances of me meeting someone I actually wanted to be the father of my children (maybe sex was in the back of my mind even the , who knows?) weren't exactly high, so hopefully, I'll be able to get a job and have a while to get myself financially stable, and then maybe in my 30s I'll try and adopt, maybe try IVF or something, not sure, that's at least 10 years away. If I'm lucky then I'll have my family around to help, my parents are desperate for grandchildren and I really hope they get to have them, although I've told them for a couple of years that I'm not guaranteeing they'll be biological grandkids. And I've got my brother and sister and hopefully I'll still have friends, so there's always someone my kids can go to even if I can't answer their question :P That's the dream anyway, hopefully it works out like that. It's nice to know I'm not the only one thinking about this. I just figured I really want children, I've always wanted to be a mum (just not right now) and I don't want to wait around for a long-term partner/husband (maybe a wife, my sexuality's kind of on the fence) forever.

[rh1985]

I am a single mom by choice. I used an anonymous sperm donor. My daughter is now 9 months old and is amazing. I have no regrets and I feel so lucky to be her mom. I always wanted a child and since I wasn't interested in a relationship at all, this was the right way for me to become a mom.

[PatheticGirl]

I would love to have children. How, I don't know....

[ZaneF77]

For myself?

I really want a daughter someday, but whether that dream ever becomes reality, I don't know. While I admire those who manage to raise kids as a single, working parent, I don't believe I would ever have the mental resources for such a task, and finding a romantic/aromantic partner is rather low on my list of things to do.

Sorry if this hijacks the thread slightly, but is it 'odd' to want a specific gender child? Someone on /r/asexuality said that it was an odd comment when I mentioned there that 'I would dearly love to have a daughter someday...'

[rh1985]

I wanted a daughter too, mainly because I was afraid it would be harder to raise a boy without a father. You can choose the gender with IVF or if you adopt you can choose an agency that lets you pick the gender.

[Ziggy_G]

I've considered it as a potential future route (I'm still in uni, so this isn't a now thought). I do love children and the thought of having one of my own is a good one. But I don't think I will. Maybe this will be different in ten year but at the moment that's the more accurate forecast I can give.

There's a lot of different factors for me to consider, and things might change y'know?

I'm not sure I would be physically healthy enough to carry a child to term (if i was pregnant right now I reallydont think I could)

I don't think I'm psychological stable enough to deal with it all

I doubt I'd be able to do it on my own I can barely care for myself

In the line of work im studying to go into maternity leave isnt an option and lots of women end up never getting a job again because they decided to have children, and so having a baby and having the money to look after it wouldnt be possible without a partner

There's also the religious aspect of it all, that I want to be able to go and do whatever God wants me to do and that would be harder with a child, I kind of feel that for me (personally) to have a child in this way would be a step against him. And if he wants me to become a mother he'll put that child into my life and tell me to care for them

I also feel like its a bit selfish of me to have my own when I could adopt (I do understand the emotional difference that makes people go the other route) but I think I could really love a child that isn't mine by blood and I think I would always feel guilty for wanting a mini-me instead?

I'm gonna have nieces and nephews in a few years hopefully, and im gonna love them so much.

[Bluebird Heart]

I wanted a daughter too, mainly because I was afraid it would be harder to raise a boy without a father. You can choose the gender with IVF or if you adopt you can choose an agency that lets you pick the gender.

Yes, this was also my thought for the first few months of this process. I've always, always wanted a daughter, and once I decided to go it alone, I wanted a daughter even more--the thought of trying to raise a boy without a father is a scary one. But the closer I get to actually doing the deed, the less and less I care about what gender might come out of it. Of course if it's a girl I'll be delighted, but if it's a boy it won't be the end of things for me. Lots of single mothers have raised perfectly stable young men, so why should I doubt my ability to do just that? It wouldn't be fair to the child to go into things desperately craving one gender and praying it isn't the other. Though, now a part of me is starting to hope that it WILL be a boy, simply because if I give them any younger siblings down the line it might teach them to be more protective, more gentle. And let's face it, the degree to which little boys love and fight for their mothers is just precious.

That being said, I just really want a physically and mentally healthy little person to love with all my heart and teach the ways of the world. Gender and future orientation is irrelevant. /endrant

[Crealityisabeast]

i'm very seriously considering doing this in the next few years. (and when i say considering, i really mean that I will do this). I'm only 24 right now, and hopefully will be starting grad school next year, so i would like to have kids once I get out. (around 26). I've talked about this with my mom and brother, and they're both super supportive. (my brother is gay, and is trying to convince his [soon to be yay!] fiance to have kids, and jokingly offered me a car in exchange for a baby! ha!) for me, I'm super excited to have a kid in the near future, but do not desire to have sex with someone to do it. And I also can't see myself in a relationship or waiting for one in order to have kids. so, sperm donor it is!

[Bluebird Heart]

Yay, congratulations!! Glad to hear I'm not the only one under 30 putting serious thought into making this work. Personally, I think that 26~ is a perfect age to have your first kid, especially if you've gotten college and any other major life goals out of the way... Though, by no means do I agree with people who say your life is over once you have kids and you aren't allowed to enjoy life or have any goals for yourself--on the contrary, I'm looking forward to sharing those things with a child of my own without the added drama of having to keep a significant other happy as well. After all, how does one go about teaching a child to live life to the fullest without teaching by example?

But I ramble. I'm just so incredibly happy to have discovered my own a sexuality and made this decision with confidence. I encourage anyone else with the adequate resources and desire to do the same. <3

[CreativeUsername]

I'm 31 and this year I will be conceiving as a single asexual woman. I wish I had done it sooner. I've faced a lot of backlash from my decision to become a single mom by choice. Including, and especially, with doctors. After struggling to convince myself that it was ok to knock myself up with donor sperm and then struggling to convince friends and family that it was ok for me to choose single motherhood, I found that the biggest struggle has been in finding a doctor who is willing to work with a woman who chooses to conceive on her own. It's a little crazy because if I went to the doctor already pregnant, or with an unplanned pregnancy, they'd have no problems. Lol. It never dawned on me to consider the doctor issue at all during these past few years I've been thinking and planning about becoming a single mom by choice. It might have been easier if I had simply moved to another state that allowed someone like me to adopt.

I am glad to see there are other aces who desire being single parents. I do feel a little out of place when I speak with women who chose this path to parenthood because often it's done as a last resort after spending decades looking for Mr or Ms Right. I never even began a search.

[Bluebird Heart]

I'm 31 and this year I will be conceiving as a single asexual woman. I wish I had done it sooner. I've faced a lot of backlash from my decision to become a single mom by choice. Including, and especially, with doctors. After struggling to convince myself that it was ok to knock myself up with donor sperm and then struggling to convince friends and family that it was ok for me to choose single motherhood, I found that the biggest struggle has been in finding a doctor who is willing to work with a woman who chooses to conceive on her own. It's a little crazy because if I went to the doctor already pregnant, or with an unplanned pregnancy, they'd have no problems. Lol. It never dawned on me to consider the doctor issue at all during these past few years I've been thinking and planning about becoming a single mom by choice. It might have been easier if I had simply moved to another state that allowed someone like me to adopt.

I am glad to see there are other aces who desire being single parents. I do feel a little out of place when I speak with women who chose this path to parenthood because often it's done as a last resort after spending decades looking for Mr or Ms Right. I never even began a search.

Wow, congrats on your decision! I know how exciting it feels to finally step over the social stigma hurdles and become comfortable with the choice, and I wish you all the luck with your initial attempts. Hopefully conception doesn't take too long for you. I'm currently living in Japan, where I'm pretty sure doctors are prohibited from working with single women toward such goals, so I bypassed ever even setting foot in a fertility clinic... I've been tracking my own cycles, and today I finally ordered my donor sperm from Cryos International Online. I'll be making the first attempt in the comfort of my own home on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't be more nervous/excited!

I think it's sad that there are so many social pressures telling women that they're incompetent on their own... Yes, I do see the benefit of having two parents, but I don't necessarily believe that a child will be eternally damaged from having a financially stable, emotionally healthy single parent who loves them to death before they're even born. In my opinion, most of the negative statistics regarding single mothers involve low income/poverty, divorce/broken homes, squabbling or absent parents and women who are overly stressed and ill prepared for a situation that was just thrown upon them. We've just gotta prove the naysayers wrong and be stellar mothers regardless of the flack we get. :-)

[Sarika]

Las year a friend of mine who's married and had been trying to get pregant with her husband for years talked with me about her experience with fertility treatment. As a 30-something that's always wanted kids (& a husband too, sure) it seemed like a eurika moment. I could have the babies now, and find Mr.Right later. I had just started a new business so funds were tight and I was waiting until this year to get some savings up and the. Go find me a donor. I'm in a slight depression since two months ago I was in a car accident and now am waiting to heal up before I try getting impregnated, but it was a lower speed impact so hopefully I won't have to wait too long.

I can't wait to be a mom. It's one of the few things I've always wanted and now that I have found the term demisexual the last of my grief over not doing so naturally is lifted.

[CreativeUsername]

I'm 31 and this year I will be conceiving as a single asexual woman. I wish I had done it sooner. I've faced a lot of backlash from my decision to become a single mom by choice. Including, and especially, with doctors. After struggling to convince myself that it was ok to knock myself up with donor sperm and then struggling to convince friends and family that it was ok for me to choose single motherhood, I found that the biggest struggle has been in finding a doctor who is willing to work with a woman who chooses to conceive on her own. It's a little crazy because if I went to the doctor already pregnant, or with an unplanned pregnancy, they'd have no problems. Lol. It never dawned on me to consider the doctor issue at all during these past few years I've been thinking and planning about becoming a single mom by choice. It might have been easier if I had simply moved to another state that allowed someone like me to adopt.

I am glad to see there are other aces who desire being single parents. I do feel a little out of place when I speak with women who chose this path to parenthood because often it's done as a last resort after spending decades looking for Mr or Ms Right. I never even began a search.

Wow, congrats on your decision! I know how exciting it feels to finally step over the social stigma hurdles and become comfortable with the choice, and I wish you all the luck with your initial attempts. Hopefully conception doesn't take too long for you. I'm currently living in Japan, where I'm pretty sure doctors are prohibited from working with single women toward such goals, so I bypassed ever even setting foot in a fertility clinic... I've been tracking my own cycles, and today I finally ordered my donor sperm from Cryos International Online. I'll be making the first attempt in the comfort of my own home on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't be more nervous/excited!

I think it's sad that there are so many social pressures telling women that they're incompetent on their own... Yes, I do see the benefit of having two parents, but I don't necessarily believe that a child will be eternally damaged from having a financially stable, emotionally healthy single parent who loves them to death before they're even born. In my opinion, most of the negative statistics regarding single mothers involve low income/poverty, divorce/broken homes, squabbling or absent parents and women who are overly stressed and ill prepared for a situation that was just thrown upon them. We've just gotta prove the naysayers wrong and be stellar mothers regardless of the flack we get. :-)

I'm curious if you got started on your planned day and if so, how it went.

I still haven't started trying to conceive. It might be put off even longer, which I'm not sure is the smartest decision simply due to fertility issues that occur when we are in our 30's. But, I've moved cross country and so I no longer have any built in support networks. Of course, I moved because my 'support' networks were so hostile (very unhealthy family dynamics) and it was something I just no longer wanted in my life and definitely did not want in a potential child's life. So now I'm confused on what I should do. I remembered you said you were living abroad and was curious how you were dealing with support networks. Plus, I just want to know how it's going for you!

[Bluebird Heart]

I'm 31 and this year I will be conceiving as a single asexual woman. I wish I had done it sooner. I've faced a lot of backlash from my decision to become a single mom by choice. Including, and especially, with doctors. After struggling to convince myself that it was ok to knock myself up with donor sperm and then struggling to convince friends and family that it was ok for me to choose single motherhood, I found that the biggest struggle has been in finding a doctor who is willing to work with a woman who chooses to conceive on her own. It's a little crazy because if I went to the doctor already pregnant, or with an unplanned pregnancy, they'd have no problems. Lol. It never dawned on me to consider the doctor issue at all during these past few years I've been thinking and planning about becoming a single mom by choice. It might have been easier if I had simply moved to another state that allowed someone like me to adopt.

I am glad to see there are other aces who desire being single parents. I do feel a little out of place when I speak with women who chose this path to parenthood because often it's done as a last resort after spending decades looking for Mr or Ms Right. I never even began a search.

Wow, congrats on your decision! I know how exciting it feels to finally step over the social stigma hurdles and become comfortable with the choice, and I wish you all the luck with your initial attempts. Hopefully conception doesn't take too long for you. I'm currently living in Japan, where I'm pretty sure doctors are prohibited from working with single women toward such goals, so I bypassed ever even setting foot in a fertility clinic... I've been tracking my own cycles, and today I finally ordered my donor sperm from Cryos International Online. I'll be making the first attempt in the comfort of my own home on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't be more nervous/excited!

I think it's sad that there are so many social pressures telling women that they're incompetent on their own... Yes, I do see the benefit of having two parents, but I don't necessarily believe that a child will be eternally damaged from having a financially stable, emotionally healthy single parent who loves them to death before they're even born. In my opinion, most of the negative statistics regarding single mothers involve low income/poverty, divorce/broken homes, squabbling or absent parents and women who are overly stressed and ill prepared for a situation that was just thrown upon them. We've just gotta prove the naysayers wrong and be stellar mothers regardless of the flack we get. :-)

I'm curious if you got started on your planned day and if so, how it went.

I still haven't started trying to conceive. It might be put off even longer, which I'm not sure is the smartest decision simply due to fertility issues that occur when we are in our 30's. But, I've moved cross country and so I no longer have any built in support networks. Of course, I moved because my 'support' networks were so hostile (very unhealthy family dynamics) and it was something I just no longer wanted in my life and definitely did not want in a potential child's life. So now I'm confused on what I should do. I remembered you said you were living abroad and was curious how you were dealing with support networks. Plus, I just want to know how it's going for you!

Hello! I'm sorry to hear that things have been a little rough, and I understand your dilemma as far as putting off the decision. It's hard, but I hope I can be of some assistance.

While there are certainly worse family dynamics than mine, for a lot of personal reasons I just feel more comfortable and mentally healthy without relying on them as a support network. Maybe I'll change my mind once the baby is born and everything comes crashing in on me at once, but for now I feel like I could provide a better potential future for my child, both in terms of financial stability and life experience, by living abroad as opposed to struggling to make ends meet in a small, conservative American town.

That aside, the support network is the hard part. I already know I can afford to go back to the states for roughly a month every year so that my child can build a relationship with their extended family, but I imagine the day to day things are going to be as rough as it gets. I'm naturally kind of shy and introverted, so I've been working extra hard to put myself out there and build relationships and friendships with the kind of people I would actually want to be in my son/daughter's life. I already know a good handful of people I consider to be almost as close as family, and I like to believe they would be as supportive as a family (two have already half-seriously suggested I be a single mother, and one said she used to dream of the same thing, but that was a different generation. Also they've gone to great lengths to make sure I'm not alone on holidays and things like that, and they all adore children so that's a plus). I also work at a kindergarten/preschool/nursery, so that makes things way easier.

But I guess in the end I'll find out who will actually stick around when I break the news that I'm pregnant. I imagine maintaining a support network will be one of my biggest challenges as a parent, so it will honestly be up to me to make the effort to reach out to people and make sure we're not completely isolated. But everything else in my life is so perfect right now that I figure the right people will find their way into our lives--assuming I put forth the effort, of course.

On that note, I'm not actually pregnant yet. : ( I've made two unsuccessful attempts so far, and I already have a third planned for April 11th. The timing part is a lot more difficult than I expected it to be. Sorry for the long winded response. I've actually been battling with these feelings for the past two months, so they all just kind of came out just now. Sigh.

[Bluebird Heart]

I've officially completed three failed attempts, and as much as I'm sure I want this, each failed attempt has bummed me out more and more--to the point where the negativity is seeping into my self confidence and leaving me with a multitude of shaky questions.

Can I really do this? Do all the things that I can provide in this moment really give a potential child what they deserve, or am I just fooling myself into thinking I'm competent?

What are the people around me going to say? My employers? Coworkers? How badly am I going to be ostracized for this decision?

If I don't do this, what are my other options? Should I just suck it up, go back to the dating scene and pretend to be sexual for the sake of creating a family the socially acceptable way? Give up on the idea of family and live alone forever? Frankly, both ideas sound like slow suicide.

Sorry. I'm just having a rough night and would love to see a light at the end of this tunnel. I've already made a few sacrifices and invested a lot in these last few attempts, and my heart hurts thinking of where to go from here.

I'm also really tired. Venting finished

[CreativeUsername]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Bluebird. It sounds like it's rough.

I think you have the answer to at least two of your questions. If creating a family the socially acceptable way or giving up on the idea of family entirely both feel like slow suicide, these are not options worthy for you to consider.

I can't answer any of the other questions for you, but perhaps I can help steer you in the right direction. If being a single parent by choice was a universally acceptable path to parenthood, would you be experiencing this bout of lowered confidence? It seems like a lot of the shaky questions you're asking yourself are very much wrapped up in how others will react.

Don't get me wrong, I completely get this. I'm still experiencing it. I can't seem to get past the fear of everyone else's response to my choice and so have yet to move forward. In fact, the fear has caused me to move backwards a bit in that I've completely stopped tracking fertility and ovulation. Sometimes I just really wish there were this magical asexual co-parenting match service full of people similar to my own background so that I can really have all that I want - the baby and the socially acceptable two-parent thing.

Anyway, send me a private message if you want to talk more. I'll be checking in regularly. I hope you have worked some of this out, or at least that some things have become clearer.

[ameliemaio]

Hello everyone and hello Bluebird; I ve been exactly where you are with the failed attempts. So I know what you feel, though your position is quite better because you are very very young and that is a big +
I had infertility issues I didn't know I had and so I stopped the efforts because I had very very few possibilities (that i would appreciate the doctors were honest enough to recomend me to stop before I spent all the money I spent but anyway).
A few months ago I applied for adoption and am now in the paperwork process; i hope everything turns out fine in the end, I know this might take a couple of years or maybe a bit more but nevermind...
Buy the way, I am 38 (was 35 when I was doing the attempts with the sperm donor) and single. I am not aromantic but I am absolutely asexual (no sexual attraction whatsoever with any gender) and took me almost a couple of decades, a few long term sexual relationships and many therapists "trying to fix the problem" to figure it out, so I wasted quite much time because of that.
I wish you the best soon, but don't worry, you are so young that time shouldn't even be an issue! So ease up, relax, and the proper path to your dream will be unfolded when the time is most right (reminding myself this, helps me too).
Greetings and love
xxx