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I thought I was, but now I'm not so sure


icarusjmfm

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Okay so I'm having a problem. Since I was about 15 I guess I've considered myself asexual, but didn't really 'come out' until I was 18. I dated and had relationships with guys, but any attraction I may have felt for them vanished as soon as things began to get physically intimate and it gave me no pleasure what so ever. Now my problem is that I recently met a guy just over 3 months ago and we hit it off instantly and pretty much with in a week of dating we were in love. I told him from the beginning I was asexual and he's been fine with it. I truly love this guy, more than I thought possible. Roughly a month ago, we decided to try sex and I actually found I liked it, but only with him and it has increased my feelings for him. I know I feel sexually attracted and romantically attracted to him. Could it be I was never asexual, but just hadn't found the right person? I feel kind of fickle or something, because when I told people I thought I was asexual, the majority just said, you haven't found the right person yet and it seems they may have been right. However the thought of sex with anyone other than him, still makes me think I'd not enjoy it. Does this make me demisexual? Or just sexual? Or is there something else that I could be?

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Well, I know you know, but I'm just going to repeat it to be sure; no one can decide that except for you. But if it helps, it seems to me like you're probably demisexual. You shouldn't doubt yourself so much, although I know that's hard when everyone keeps telling you that you're wrong. But there was a reason why you've considered yourself asexual up until now and that hasn't changed. That's what I think...

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Welcome :cake:

you could easily be demisexual! that means fully asexual until a deep bond has formed, at which time the asexual can begin to develop feelings of sexual attraction (the desire for partnered sex with the person you are bonded to) ... it could be the case that if you split up/lose the feelings of romantic love for each other or whatever (though of course I wish you the best in your relationship, this is just an example) then you would have absolutely no desire for partnered sex with other people, and would revert back to be fully asexual again.. that would make you demisexual in my books :) a fully sexual person usually still desires partnered sex, even if they aren't in a relationship or whatever, they still know they want and love sex, regardless of whether or not they are having it regularly.. whereas a demisexual doesn't feel that way unless they have developed a strong bond with someone :cake:

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you are whatever you choose to be. if you feel most comfortable identifying as asexual, then you are asexual. if you think demi-sexual fits better, then identify as that - no one can tell you what you are or aren't, do whatever feels right :)

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Demisexual is sexual attraction after a certain bond has been made. I would assume the bond should be around the same for every partner you would have, so unless you never felt this way for your previous partners then demisexual doesn't fit. So i think Gray-Asexual would apply best; an umbrella term that one of which includes rarely feeling sexual attraction.

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Star Inkbright

Demisexual is sexual attraction after a certain bond has been made. I would assume the bond should be around the same for every partner you would have, so unless you never felt this way for your previous partners then demisexual doesn't fit. So i think Gray-Asexual would apply best; an umbrella term that one of which includes rarely feeling sexual attraction.

Actually, people can like their partners different amounts . . . people can often break up with their partners because a good enough bond hasn't been formed, for example.

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Demisexual is sexual attraction after a certain bond has been made. I would assume the bond should be around the same for every partner you would have, so unless you never felt this way for your previous partners then demisexual doesn't fit. So i think Gray-Asexual would apply best; an umbrella term that one of which includes rarely feeling sexual attraction.

Actually, people can like their partners different amounts . . . people can often break up with their partners because a good enough bond hasn't been formed, for example.

I meant i assumed the required bond to feel romantic attraction was the same for one demiromantic, not the range of bond anyone can feel for a partner can vary; i knew that.

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Sex is all about chemistery.. It doesn't mean you were or are asexual & demisexual.. It could be just that you had lousy sex up to this point. Don't overthink just go with the flow :)

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