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A question for demisexuals...


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Just wondered how long your attractions last (both emotional and physical if it kicks in)?

I'm particularly interested if you don't initiate or pursue a relationship with that particular person.

I've experienced plenty of emotional attraction but it only occasionally develops into full blown physical. For me if often takes months (or years) to happen and then it lasts for years.

For example: I started working with a girl in 2007 and although the emotional attraction got me quite quickly, it took almost two years before I realised it had become physical but I never did anything about it and then left the job. I speak to her rarely and see her on fewer occasions still, but I remain attracted to her.

So yeah, just wondered how similar or different other peoples' experiences are.

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If I don't get into a relationship with the person, I probably won't get anything. A relationship really does it for me. But after a relationship ends, it lasts for as long as it takes for me to get over them. Sometimes a long time, sometimes not long at all.

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With women I can feel emotional attraction fairly quickly. With men it takes longer to develop. I was friends with my last partner for several months, developing an emotional connection before we ever started a relationship. At that point I felt a strong sexual attraction to him. We were together for 2 years, then all of a sudden the romantic and sexual feelings completely disappeared. I did not want sex with him after that or even to be hugged or kissed by him.

Its the same with me, I have had a lot of emotional attractions, but I don't always act on them.

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For me it takes months to develop emotional attraction for someone. The sexual attraction sort of comes along if I have a relationship.

I had one failed relationship and kept having feelings towards him for another year or so before it dissapeared.

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Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum.

Byanyothername

Asexual Q&A Mod

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I've found it varies, sometimes it can take ages, sometimes only a few months, but shortest time was approx a month, I believe that it's more to do with the constant time spent together, and bonding over experiences of us both recently moving out of home to a new city starting university. one person I knew for like 7-8 years and was close friends with, I didn't bond with him until we moved in together though as flatmates.
Physical generally doesn't kick in until after the mental for me.
I think really my attraction doesn't ever really end, but it goes back down to no physical feelings toward that person.

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It takes a good few years for me to development a strong connection with someone; even then it depends on how we interact.

When I even notice I may want to pursue anything with someone. I don't act on it. Because, it's often to late for me to do anything about it. When theres some attraction very early on though, I noticed that its not romantic or sexual. I just really want to get to know the person.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Definitely depends with each person. And even then I usually have to get to feeling romantic attraction before sensual/sexual (which rarely happens), but sometimes the romantic attraction will develop pretty quickly, and then the the sensual will stack onto that, and then sexual eventually (and usually not long after).

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scarletlatitude

I have never experienced a relationship long enough for me to desire sex with that person. It takes me at least 4 dates to even decide if I like that person. Then we need time to get emotionally involved. Then, MAYBE, I would consider something physical like kissing or cuddling. Once I am completely comfortable with that, I guess I would decide if sex was the next step or not. But like I said, no one has ever made it past step 2.

I still consider myself grey-asexual because I feel like maybe that attraction would happen if someone could get that far. As far as I know, though, my relationships need several years to get that far.

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