Traits you possess that have cause(d) you to question your sexuality?

[cosmic-ace]

It took me a long time to recognize my asexuality, partly because I had the definition wrong, but also because I am really the last kind of person anyone would expect to be, including myself.

I love to flirt. I do a lot, and heavily, with pretty much all my friends. No one ever takes me seriously, which I guess is why I can.

I am extrememly romantic. I used to think aromance and asexuality were the same thing, but even after I learned, it was hard to differentiate because I grew up with a mindset that romanticizes sex and I still associate the two.

I have a very high sex drive. I think about sex a lot, and I get turned on quite easily and frequently. My non-attraction to bodies is what caused me to finally realize I was asexual, but still, my desire for sex was confusing.

I am a fetishist. I have so many kinks I can't count them. I watched a lot of kinky porn. It took me far too long to realize that the kinks in the videos were what turned me on, not who was in them.

Lastly, I am demi-gray; so when I fell in love the first time, I actually felt sexually attracted to them a few times. This caused me to discredit my asexuality theory for a long time, because "how could I be asexual when I had that one fantasy?"

So do any of you have any similar experiences, thoughts, or things that make/made it hard for you to realize or accept your sexuality?

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I'm a huge flirt too, and highly sensual with a small number of people, to the point that I like kissing them. When I have alcohol, that extends to pretty much everybody :redface:

[Guest Lady.Lizard]

LLAP!!!

Sorry..tad excited by your forum name O:)

I question because I can flirt, I get biological urges which usually result in self-sorting (thank you evolution -_- ), I can get (very) slightly aroused by reading sexy passages in books and occasionally if they pop up in a film , and of late I have been getting sexual thought regarding my boyfriend of 11.5 months...which has rather tipped the tables

But I know I am still ace, because it is only him I am even remotely attracted to, and it's the first time I have experienced that towards another person. Ever. So I'm still safe XD

[Exanimis]

Well, I'm manly. I have a stupid, worthless high libido, and I am/was good at romantic thingies like kissing and flirting and all that. Besides being as dirty mouthed as I can be.

I'm a huge flirt too, and highly sensual with a small number of people, to the point that I like kissing them. When I have alcohol, that extends to pretty much everybody :redface:

Oh goodness...

[Ashmedai]

I have a somewhat highish libido as well as being capable of going through aesthetic attraction, as well as getting the occasional interest in someone. The majority of that made me question the validity of me being ace to start off with. Now it's just my libido that makes me question it from time to time.

[Robin L]

I have a pretty crazy libido (thanks, hormones), and I can like other people, so sometimes it's confusing whether it's the libido or sexual attraction. But then, the idea of actually having sex with other people is not appealing, so sticking with asexual.

Also, I do have some fetishes...

[Guest]

I actually realized it early on, and then became questioning after things developed. Mostly my fetishes are what kept me guessing for a while. I only have a few, but they got me confused on what I was attracted to, but then I realized I still do not actually want the sex, I just liked the idea of the fetishes, and not the actual sex stuff.

[anís]

Whenever I tried to think sexually about someone so I could masturbate, my focus deviated too much. It was frustrating.

Bodies underwhelm or gross me out. I developed some fetishes, but later, I realized that they worked for me because they made the bodies look less like how and what they actually are. In other cases, I used to be more conscious of the fetisization process: being turned on exactly by what grosses me out so I can participate in the romance & sex world. I guess there was more consciousness in that because it required more will power. But there were lots of limitations of and for the reflections that I could make.

My sexual predisposition began with clothed bodies. It never graduated to naked bodies... and, eventually, nice clothed bodies lost their appeal to me. And that makes me feel sad sometimes.

I am known to be very sexual, but i'm not. And if I had known that before, my libido wouldn't make the fact that i'm asexual so unbelievable for others. Same thing with my body-image issues, which are known to some. But my asexuality started to manifest back when I still thought that I was perfect and that I was on the same level than any person I was attracted to.

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

Being flirty with just about anyone. Oh and always wanting cuddles some of my friends just know 10 mins into a movie my arms going be wrapped tightly around their waist and my head will be resting on their boobs or shoulder. But I identify as pan now :lol: so not sure if I count as what you meant

[Smmk]

Well, I masturbate, have sex on regular basis with my partner and apperently I am a flirt. But the last one is mostly by accident xD

[Neurula]

I think the only thing is that causes some doubt is my libido.

Besides that, everything points to me being an aromantic asexual. Just today actually I was pondering about how I never fantasized about myself having a boyfriend and going on dates and exchanging I love yous. I thought to myself, "how did I not realize I was aromantic"

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I doubted myself for a little while.

I thought I experienced sexual attraction, turns out Im just a Fetishist. I used to confuse the two but now I know better. While watching porn, Im not getting off on the people but the theme/ideas presented in the porn. Aesthetics are still important but now I know they have to do with my fetishism.

I have a high libido, which i used to think Aces couldn't have and I am open to having sex.

I am now totally comfortable and confidant in my Asexuality. I see myself in the black part of the spectrum, I feel zero sexual attraction.

[Kazu]

When I was younger I remember I used to read yuri manga and for a while I thought I was gay or bi at the least (and whaddya know, two years later I realized I really am bi--well partially). Before doing that I always thought I was straight because, well, I had no reason not to. It was my default. Growing up going through private Catholic school and being female it made sense for me to like boys and I always thought "well maybe I'm just not old enough yet to like the opposite sex"

Then around the same time my one friend asked why I never put much effort into my appearance because most of the girls at my school, especially when we entered middle school, started doing their hair every day and wearing jewelry while I just did the bare minimum of making sure I didn't look absolutely terrible. I responded that I'd much rather have someone fall in love with me while looking the way I do everyday in comparison to one or two times I'm dressed up. My friend then went "Aww! Courtney you're so romantic~" And that threw me off so bad when I started questioning stuff. It stills throws me off a little bit tbh :/

And lastly, I have a few kinks. (If you could call them that. Due to my inexperience I'm not sure if I'm really qualified to call them that) But they're eyecandy for me that turn me on so.. I don't know if I actually got the opportunity to act on them what would happen though

[cosmic-ace]

I actually realized it early on, and then became questioning after things developed. Mostly my fetishes are what kept me guessing for a while. I only have a few, but they got me confused on what I was attracted to, but then I realized I still do not actually want the sex, I just liked the idea of the fetishes, and not the actual sex stuff.

Ah, I can relate to this very well. As a matter of fact, if I didn't have any fetishes, my libido might be near nonexistent and I might have recognized my asexuality a lot sooner.

[thatotherguy57]

I've been accused many times of being a flirt, but aside from television and movies, I am completely blind to flirtation. I cannot identify it in the real world.

Romanticism and sexuality are commonly bound together in people's minds. Aesthetic attraction is also commonly bound to sexual attraction. Until about a year ago, I thought that aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction were one and the same. I noticed about a year before discovering asexuality that I had little interest in sex, but I did enjoy a nice physical form. I thought it was odd, but, I never have claimed to be normal, so I wrote it off; just another out of place, outside the box, off script, out of left field thing about myself. I now feel I did a disservice to myself by not looking into it.

[Squirrel Combat]

Nothing, actually. It all makes sense.

[Ch3ls]

I am demisexual. I am not sexually attracted to strangers or those I do not have a close emotional bond with. The few people I have formed strong emotional bonds with, I have been very sexual with. This lead me to believe I was bisexual, then later pansexual. I would have never thought I was Asexual or demisexual, because of how sexual I was with my partners. Even now I am kind of confused, because the feelings of strong romance and sexual attraction for a man I was with for two years has completely disappeared. I feel repulsed even thinking about sex with him or past sexual experiences with him. It is a relief overall to know I am demisexual. This made me realize I can have a relationship that is not centered on sex where I wouldn't have to worry as much about the pressures and expectations that go along with sex.

[yellow]

I can appreciate what I consider to be good looking men / women, so that was always confusing. I now know I can appreciate them and find them attractive without wanting to do anything sexual with them. When I am in a relationship, I'm pretty affectionate, which has always been confusing for me and the other person. I love cuddling, hugging, kissing, caressing, and have had people argue with me that because I enjoy those things, that I can't possibly not want to have sex with them. Doh!

[spoidersquiggle]

I am a fetishist, so I know what being turned on feels like. I know what arousal feels like. I even know what sexual attraction (towards an action not any person) feels like. Because I am a fetishist, I masturbate, but I need to be thinking about this one fetish-y thing to get off, become aroused, or even feel like masturbation'd be worth my time.

I really like females. More physically than romantically. It's confusing to me because I can appreciate their external beauty, figures, and features, but when it comes to the opportunity to kiss/cuddle/pet/sexify, I just don't wanna. I don't know why I don't, but I don't. Doesn't mean I don't highly appreciate the female aesthetic.

I've had sex with both sexes and genders before. I'm not sex repulsed. I look at porn. I draw porn. I can take any conversation about sex too far too fast more than anyone else I know save for another ace I'm acquaintances with.

So yeah, lotsa traits that induce questioning of my (a)sexuality. I'm glad this topic's here though. It helps remind me that no one's sexuality/asexuality looks the same. (and I'm glad I'm not the only ace fetishist)

[Wandering Ace]

I doubt myself all the time because I have a high libido. Makes me feel like I'm just trying to be special in thinking I'm ace.

Also, I've found that, if I get lost in thought, my eyes tend to settle on... certian aspects of female anatomy.

It's problematic.

[nolongerinterested...]

I am similar to you in all of those ways but the high libido. I have always been a huge flirt, and it's actually gotten me in trouble before when someone I flirted with showed up at my house hoping to act upon my flirtiness. I have kinky fetishes as well. When I was in a relationship with a sexual, the only way I could get anything out of sex was with extreme bondage. My inability to be turned on by anything other than those few fetishes that I have was really confusing. It kinda makes more sense to me now.

[Burgundy]

I'm pretty dirty-minded. I have an alter-ego who's a horny 90 year old and is obsessed with anal, but the reason wny she's so funny is because she's the opposite of me!

Regarding sex, I don't have a libido but I might enjoy it, despite not wanting it myself. Just like I don't want to watch Coronation Street (British soap opera), if someone wanted me to watch it with them, I might enjoy it, whether or not the ending was 'happy' (oh dear), and I really wouldn't mind in the slightest if I never watched it again.

[WuNsChKiNd89]

I've been accused many times of being a flirt, but aside from television and movies, I am completely blind to flirtation. I cannot identify it in the real world.

Romanticism and sexuality are commonly bound together in people's minds. Aesthetic attraction is also commonly bound to sexual attraction. Until about a year ago, I thought that aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction were one and the same. I noticed about a year before discovering asexuality that I had little interest in sex, but I did enjoy a nice physical form. I thought it was odd, but, I never have claimed to be normal, so I wrote it off; just another out of place, outside the box, off script, out of left field thing about myself. I now feel I did a disservice to myself by not looking into it.

This exactly!

[Slob Dylan]

I have a pretty strong libido and my sense of humour can be pretty crude, I guess, for lack of a better word. I mock-flirt a lot, mostly with friends who know that I'm joking, although part of me enjoys that kind of thing whether or not it's a joke. I'm typically really sensual too, and enjoy a lot of physical closeness to people, including those who I'm not outstandingly close to.

[Hobbes!]

I used to second-guess a little due to my masturbation. Then I realised that it's really little more than a habit I can't be bothered to kick. The only thing I get out of it really is the chemical rush on finishing - I reason that if it's possible to orgasm involuntarily, then it shouldn't make a difference to my (a)sexuality either

[Philip027]

I haven't had any reason to, until fairly recently :redface:

I don't know yet if I'd go outright calling myself demisexual (which is still really as far as it would go, if that's even the case), but suffice it to say that I don't feel as *completely disconnected* from it all as I did before.

[xLiraelx]

-my super intense romantic crushes from age 11 to 19

-my mental illness, which affects me in many ways (anxiety, lack of pleasure)

-the fact that my sister is also asexual (it's just too coincidental?)

-arousal from porn and some physical stimulus (but no desire to seek it out, hence the asexual)

[luxurieux]

Oh man, you've hit a lot of points that made me confused as well.

I'm not really a flirt, but I can relate to almost all of the others.

1) I'm not sexually attracted to people, but I'm hella aesthetically attracted to people. To the point where I thought that it must be sexual, but I realized after coming to AVEN that thinking someone is attractive =/= wanting to have sex with them. That was an awesome realization for me.

2) I like porn (not really the kind of porn that's very clearly, obviously fake, though - and not straight porn either). I have tons and tons of kinks and I masturbate pretty frequently to it. But as soon as I put myself into the equation, I'm immediately turned off and I have to put that thought far out of my mind. It's just the acts that are arousing to me, not the people.

3) I'm also pretty romantic. But I'm also demi-romantic, which confused the hell out of me for a while. I had so many crushes, but as soon as I would be asked out by them, I would turn them down every time and I'd wonder why the hell I did that. But it was because I just can't be in a romantic relationship with someone I haven't gotten to know really, really well first. I'm terrified of commitment and the expectations they might have. And I'm not into the whole "dating" thing either. It might be weird to some people, but my ideal relationship resembles just a strong friendship (but still very much a monogamous relationship). And over time I'm sure I would get used to the idea of touching them, holding their hand, kissing, etc. But it weirds me out to think about doing that with someone I've just started a relationship with.

[RoswellValentine]

I haven't questioned it too much, though the fact that I am not a social person may call it into question.

I read yaoi and dirty things on and off (I've written characters doing it before), and sometimes get the urge to draw characters doing the do.

I have a dirty mind and an odd (I guess) sense of humor.

I'm still questioning myself romantically because I've had crushes that went away after anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, and I can't seem to understand the feeling of having a crush (as much as I'd like to be romantically involved with someone).

[butterflydreams]

Um, yeah, I've probably made (and laughed at), and continue to make more "that's what she said" jokes than most anyone would be comfortable admitting to ;)

Also, yeah, masturbation (it feels good, so I do it), and porn, though like others have said, very specific stuff with a very specific quality and value. None of the fake "normal" stuff that get's so much attention. Not "kinky" per se, just stuff that I can put myself into.

I had a pretty high libido at one time (hormone induced?). I'm leveled off now for the most part. Average to below average I'd say. Probably an asset.