no idea what i am :/ please help :/

[cinnamon91]

I have honestly no idea what i am or if i even qualify to be on this site. breif about me- i'm a 23 year old female n on the brink of breaking up with my husband for a lot of probably irrelevant reasons n i have 2 kids. so already i feel like an outcast from this place cause of my 'family' but anyway i guess. this is a bit long cause i'm trying to give as much detail as possible without oversharing so i can get the best answer.

not really sure where to start but here goes. sorry in advance if any parts are tmi!

during primary school i was attracted to a few guys but only ever wanted to be their friend or date them but never thought about sex though i was obviously too young for that anyway. we did kiss n hold hands but nothing more than that.

in high school it was pretty much the same thing. i dated a lot of guys but moved onto someone else cause i got bored of them or found someone else more physically attractive. again we never did anything more than a few pecks n cuddles here n there n it never crossed my mind to do anything more. i was also attracted to my female best friend n wanted to try things with her but had no real desire to follow through. went to 3rd base with one boyfriend but never thought about more n it was his idea. only lost my v's cause everyone else had lost theirs n cause i dated so many diff guys everyone thought i was a sl*t anyway so thought i'd just live up to the name. when i was 16 i fell madly n blindly in love with a guy who ended up utterly breaking my heart so i've more or less totally blocked out the relationship but i know that for the first n pretty much only time ever since then i liked and wanted to have sex with him.

after him i was attracted to guys n wanted to get to know them n be best friends n date them but again i never had any real desire to have sex with anyone. i did have sex with anyone i was dating n some i was just friends with cause they wanted to do it n once they initiated it i was turned on enough to be ok with it. i've only ever been physically attracted enough to 2 other guys enough to want to have sex with them since my bf at 16.

all that time i was still thinking about girls as well occasionally and wondering what it'd be like to be with one. guy 'parts' gross me out but i usually don't mind the feeling of sex with them n girl parts make my downstairs tingyly but obviously not enough to activly seek it out to try it.

these days all i know is that (using porn as an example) i get aroused by the naked girl/s but the guy i can look at the top half n think he is/isn't attractive but it doesn't make me feel anything down there but i can't / won't look at their downstairs cause it just grosses me out. even the most attractive celebrities like channing tatum, leonardo di caprio, jonny depp etc i know are phyisically attractive but having sex with them never crosses my mind what so ever.

i can get aroused by attractive girls (never guys) but have no desire to activly try to have sex with them n follow through all the way. I do masturbate a couple of times every few weeks / months but in saying that i could and have gone years without it. i get more out of doing myself then actual sex. i could easily go without sex for the rest of my life without a seconds thought.

i have a few sexual fantasies i would like to try out but no real desire to actually follow through with any of them. thinking about them does get me aroused but not enough to do anything.

in the last few months i've had sex with my husband maybe 3 or 4 times cause i feel bad that he's so desperate for it. 99% of the time i'll just push him away cause the thought of it grosses me out or something and i have no desire at all ever to do anything sexual with him. i never really did even when we first met. i think the main reason it got serious was cause he's a genuinly nice guy and i wanted another kid so that my daughter wouldn't grow up alone and then i just felt stuck n that feeling has only gotten worse over the years with the sex dwindling down to next to nothing.

i think that's everything.. so obviously i'm utterly confused as to what i may or may not be .. straight / asexual / grey sexual / bi / lesbian.. any opinions will be soo much help please :(

Thanks in advance

[anís]

you are in the Gray-A spectrum, according to AVENwiki http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A

[Beyourownspotlight]

I think, possibly you might be demisexual/grey-asexual. I think by the sounds of it, you have to be very close, or interested in the person emotionally before you consider sex in your own mind.

I also think your demisexual/grey-asexual (the sexual part of you) leans towards girls, being attracted to girls. So homo-demisexual.

However you could very well be biromantic if you're able to have romantic relationships with men, and wish for one with females.

Your sexual orientation, and romantic orientation can be as different as night and day, and that's okay. (Take me, I'm a panromantic asexual --- I don't form sexual attraction to people, but I can have sex, and I have done in the past, I enjoy it I just lack the sexual attraction -- but I can fall in love with men, women, non binary individuals, gender fluid/queer individuals, gender doesn't have much influence on my romantic interest in someone. So technically lack of sexual orientation, but I'm pretty open romantically).

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

female leaning biromantic Grey- Asexual???? IDK but that is what it seems you are describing. I hope you figure it out though.

[dash]

For what it's worth it is possible for people to only experience attraction to one gender or sex (irrespective of whether they want to have sex with people of that gender) and only form romantic attachments to people of another gender or sex (irrespective of whether they want to have sex with people of that gender). Or for attraction to different sexes/genders to work differently some how, and still be attraction. People tend to assume that sexual attraction is "one thing" (both within a person and between people), when in actuality, it can be really different (usually between people, but sometimes even in the same person). So saying for example that you would never want to have sex with a woman is very different from acknowledging that looking at naked women arouses you, because "what is sexual attraction" could include either or both or be something else entirely.

As for labels, that's a different conversation, one which comes down to what words you want to identify with and why, and what "shortcuts" you hope to accomplish in explaining yourself to others through those words. Not everybody fits neatly into the existing labels (yes, even though the set is ever-expanding), or into them at all.

I hope this helps.