I have no idea what am I...

[nananetguy]

Well here goes the story of my life...., I really don't know what's wrong with me, I'm 21 and I'm having these conflicts ever since I was born, I honestly have no idea what is my sexual attraction anymore. and I'm asking here because this might be the place,

firstly I would like to start with describing all the past experience I had that may be resolved to sexual attraction:

I'm 21 years old, I've kissed with 6 girls my entire life,

out of these 6 to 4 I was well, attracted I guess and I had an erection when "making out" with them,

out of these 4, I have done physical things with two of them, they both gave me well, sorry for being brutal with the language but "Handjob", and oral sex, which I have managed to ejaculate from.

Out of these 2, one was my girlfriend, which with her I have had sex for five times I guess?, and I never managed to ejaculate from any of these,

I was absolutely in love with that girlfriend by the way.... but it was more about emotions than physical... ( I think I'm not really sure I'm really confused )

I would like to say it right now, I could have done more things with wayyyyyy more women, I've had many opportunities with women who were hitting on me and I always found a way to avoid, ( I really hope this doesn't sound cocky or something :| ).

Ever since I remember my self, I was never never never attracted to sex, I was always afraid I would be an outsider and a freak because I wouldn't be able to have sex with women, you could say I am sort off repulsed by having sex in practice, yet I do tend to think about it, I was never attracted to seeing women naked or things like that, never.

I would like to state that I am not attracted to men I find other men in the world repulsive, unaesthetic, and vulgar, I am really repulsed by men.

HOWEVER, this is where the huge plot twister goes, ever since I was a kid, ( and yes I swear to god that I've had these thoughts when I was 4 years old, and no I'm not confused about this I have photographic memory I do remember having these thoughts ) I was attracted to kink and BDSM, mostly to feet I guess, ( only of women, NOT MEN I really am repulsed by men ).

I don't know what's wrong with me I have no idea if I'm straight or asexual or just confused....

I know that I was in love, I am attracted to women physically, but not to sex, I was aroused naturally from making out with women, I have ejaculated from physical actions with women ( Which during I mainly thought about BDSM honestly.... )

but sex, actual sex repulses me I think.. I'm not sure if repulses but, I just don't find myself saying I would like to have sex with that woman she's gorgeous, I would just say man this woman is beautiful!.

I do have ambitions to start a family and it was always a dream of mine to marry a beautiful woman and have kids with her

anyways I'm just so confused I don't know what's wrong with me, and if you guys say I am straight and I'm just attracted to kink, could you guys explain to me how come I had sex several times by now and although trying more than a few hours I just couldn't manage to ejaculate during intercourse?....?

I would really appreciate any sort of help, and I apologize for my terrible English, I am not a native English speaker!

Thank you very much in advance and best regards!

[Guest]

Asexuals can have fetishes, there is a fetish / kink thread in the grey section: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/

Asexuals can also have sex, we aren't physically unable. So, you being able to get an erection and ejaculate doesn't mean too much.

If you feel you were attracted to just these handful of women though and aren't usually, you can look at grey-a (experiences attraction sometimes, but rarely) or demisexual (experiences attraction after an emotional bond with a friend/partner). Note: You can find someone "pretty" and still be asexual though, aesthetic appeal doesn't equal sexual attraction.

If you do not like sex, that's OK. Some people don't, even some sexuals prefer other things (oral, manual) to intercourse. Only you can decide if you feel you are sexual, grey-a, demi or asexual. Personal opinion, I would look at grey-a .. but you can have a libido and still be asexual, so it depends on how you feel about doing these things with people. Read through some stories of other people and find some that you can just feel "YES! THAT IS ME!" :) If it's sexual, grey, demi or asexual we'll still support you and help you in whatever way we can.

[Splatacus]

Not sure I can "help" as such, but I can certainly relate to some of what you said. I'm the same age as you, have kissed a grand total of 0 girls, and never had sex (or any kind of intimacy) with anyone. I have avoided some scenarios in the past, for various reasons, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I'm definitely repulsed by the idea of sex, but, like you said, would like to have a family someday, so we'll have to wait and see how that works lol

I don't think there's anything "wrong with you" as you put it. Everyone is different and has different feelings. You can still be asexual and attracted to kink, or anything else.

I also don't think it matters exactly how you choose to define yourself, but know that you're not alone, there will be plenty of people here who think like you do :) Welcome to aven :)

[WünderBâhr]

There are asexuals whom are sex-repulsed but enjoy kink. There's a link in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum that discusses kink, here [GAH, Serran beat me to it!!]. You may also want to check out the Romantic and Aromantic Orientations forum and the AVENWiki, as well as General FAQ, as they are all valuable resources.

Take your time, browse through information and forums and see how you feel about identifying as asexual. And of course, welcome to AVEN!

Edited November 12, 2014 by byanyothername

[Star Bit]

About the girlfriend you couldn't ejaculate with, maybe emotional attachment is a sexual turn off for you/ preventing you. (If you are asexual, your orientation would be heteroromantic asexual btw.) Kissing can be arousing but it doesn't mean the response is due to attraction. Asexuals can also have kids and even adopt.

By physically attracted, do you mean you're sensually attracted (kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc.) to your girlfriends? (physical attraction sounds like people are trying to say sexual attraction to me and sensual attraction is what we use here- although the word sensual technically involves sex, we see the difference between sexual and other sensual activities here) Or did you mean they're aesthetically attractive? Which is perfectly fine; there are different types of attraction, and having any of them does not automatically mean they have to be linked with sexual attraction, or romantic attraction for that matter. As for explaining how you successfully ejaculated during sex if your asexual, sex can function without sexual attraction in the same way masturbation works. Sexual attraction is sexual arousal brought on by another person (under non sexual and non fetish circumstances) and the desire to have sex. If you have neither of these then you do not have sexual attraction. You can have only one of these as well and still identify as Gray-A; to be more precise, or Asexual out of simplicity if you dont want sex.

[shockkkk]

Yeah unfortunately you're kind of in an area in which there is no real consensus in the community.

You say you climaxed from receiving a hand job and oral sex. Do you want to experience this again? If yes, I would say this a strong sign that you are not asexual. Do you wish to do things with girls' feet or BDSM activities? Or do these things only arouse you in fantasy? Now, there are people on here that get sexual pleasure from kink, and go and seek it out with others. From a sexual-asexual perspective, I personally don't see how that is much different from seeking out vanilla sex, but others disagree. It should be noted that I think the defining aspects of asexuals is that they don't desire partnered sex, and that the whole sexual attraction thing is bullshit. A fairly large minority of us share this opinion.

A couple things to note (some already said):

1) Becoming consistently aroused by something doesn't disqualify you from being sexual.

2) Not being interested in PIV sex doesn't make you asexual.

By your description it sounds like you could be an asexual who is turned on by a variety of stuff, or you might be a sexual who just isn't interested in vanilla sex. Ultimately, I think what's important to think about is whether or not you have an internal desire to do sexual things with other people. By internal desire I basically mean want to engage in partnered sex for you're personal pleasure, not to try and have kids or satisfy your partner's needs.