People have sex as a goal?

[Ficulnean]

I'm not questioning that they do, it's just . . . what is that like. To have sex as a goal for a relationship or something.

[nanoCat]

Strange, isn't it

[Conscientious Ghost]

I sometimes wonder about this too, hm.

[Naosuu]

I'm not sure if I understand. Are you asking what it's like to want sex in a relationship?

[Smmk]

I will never understand why people see sex as a 'goal'.

[butterflydreams]

They do? I kind of always figured it was just something that happened if/when you felt it was right. I always knew it was far out of my realm of experience and desire, but until really looking at myself thoughtfully, I didn't realize just how far out it was.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Yep, this is something that I don't think I'll ever truly "get", what with being a grey-ace with massive demisexual tendencies. I can explain it to myself intellectually, by comparing it with other stuff which I do desire more directly with relationships, and just imagining that this is roughly what it might feel like re: sex to other people. But it'll never be intuitive to me.

[Xavy]

Yes, if you live in a movie comedy called "American Pie", of course sex is a goal.

[Bergamot]

It seems to be a goal for many people. I lurk around on a popular social anxiety forum from time to time, and a lot of people there seem more bitter about their lack of sex than their lack of love. Even people in their late teens/early twenties lament that they've never kissed/had sex. Almost as if they don't feel quite human unless they've reached this milestone in their lives. But I suppose for a sexual person who really wants sex, perhaps they don't feel fully human. And as an asexual, it's just not something that I can understand.

[Wyrmcraft]

It seems to be a goal for many people. I lurk around on a popular social anxiety forum from time to time, and a lot of people there seem more bitter about their lack of sex than their lack of love. Even people in their late teens/early twenties lament that they've never kissed/had sex. Almost as if they don't feel quite human unless they've reached this milestone in their lives. But I suppose for a sexual person who really wants sex, perhaps they don't feel fully human. And as an asexual, it's just not something that I can understand.

Culture has really stressed sex as a big deal, for people. Like it is some kind of mythical item, forbidden for years and years and unachievable alone. For sexuals you add that feeling ontop of the fact that it feels rather good and their body craves it...and you have something that might as well be a natural drug addiction and withdrawal.

For some not having reached that mile stone makes them feel unloved, for others it makes them feel like they are behind the curve, and yet for others it just makes them upset and jealous that other people have achieved something they never will. It can make people feel lonely, and just generally distraught.

I care a lot more about the love than about the love making, so it has never really bothered me. However I sometimes get those same kind of withdrawal symptoms after going for months and months without cuddles or other loving contact. The same way I get really down if I don't have someone to occasionally hug and spend time with, other people feel without sex.

It's weird, I am glad I am not programmed that way. I have it hard enough without having access to cuddles let alone sex.

[Ricecream-man]

Sex is a huge part of societal success for males here in the United States.

For males it's a status symbol. Most guys I know are more envious of a celebrity who has a lot of sex than someone like Bill Gates or Obama. It's also an expression of masculinity. The more sex you have the more manly you are and the more successful you are.

Another big part of it is the phrase "Men love for sex, while women have sex for love"

I probably butchered it but the concept is the same.

A woman having sex with you (beyond a simple one night stand) is often considered a symbol of love. When I was still trying to convince myself that I wasn't asexual I still felt a sense of accomplishment when I got to the point of sex while in a relationship with a girl. It felt like she had finally come to trust me and was one step closer to being in love with me. The process was really bleh and I felt weird afterwards every time, but knowing that she wanted it and she wanted it from me always felt really nice.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think a lot of people confuse sex with love so I've never understood the point of sex if you're not close to someone. It doesn't mean you are loved really, it just means your genitals work lol. I don't see what the big deal is. I'd rather spend time with someone.

[Fire & Rain]

I think a lot of people confuse sex with love so I've never understood the point of sex if you're not close to someone. It doesn't mean you are loved really, it just means your genitals work lol. I don't see what the big deal is. I'd rather spend time with someone.

I think many allosexuals (at least the ones I've met and talked to about this topic) understand the difference between love and sex. Some (regardless of gender, all men want sex is also an inaccurate and exaggerated stereotype) don't want to have sex without love and trust or at least some level of romantic attraction. Others think sex is a fun activity like watching a movie and they could do it with anyone they find interesting at the moment.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think a lot of people confuse sex with love so I've never understood the point of sex if you're not close to someone. It doesn't mean you are loved really, it just means your genitals work lol. I don't see what the big deal is. I'd rather spend time with someone.

I think many allosexuals (at least the ones I've met and talked to about this topic) understand the difference between love and sex. Some (regardless of gender, all men want sex is also an inaccurate and exaggerated stereotype) don't want to have sex without love and trust or at least some level of romantic attraction. Others think sex is a fun activity like watching a movie and they could do it with anyone they find interesting at the moment.

That's true but for those who need sex as a fun activity to feel loved doesn't make sense to me. I've never thought that sex would make me feel better as a person. To me I think finding a close friend or spending a lot of time with someone feels better.

[Guest]

I have no idea what it feels like because I've never attempted to have sex as a goal. Perhaps this would be better in the sexual partners, friends, and allies section? I can tell you I don't think its weird at all to have sex as a goal some people like sex and like seeing their partner (s) happy and if the idea is to have sex x number of times or to schedule a time to have sex maybe it gives them something to look forward to. Or maybe some people are nervous about sex so they makeout a lot and do foreplayish stuff until they are more comfortable, i don't know but I don't think thats weird either, maybe it helps them feel close to each other and get to know about what they like..

[Guest]

Yes, if you live in a movie comedy called "American Pie", of course sex is a goal.

*looks around if Alyson Hannigan is anywhere near*

That'd be the only upside to living in that movie... ;)

[Ficulnean]

I'm not sure if I understand. Are you asking what it's like to want sex in a relationship?

Yes.

Yes, if you live in a movie comedy called "American Pie", of course sex is a goal.

Is this a sarcastic answer saying that they don't want sex as much as my question might have implied I thought was the case? (This really is just a question.) I don't mean as the goal for relationships, I just mean as a goal among many that can be active or not at one given time.

Also, whoever said this might be better in the Allies forum; I thought about that but figured that it more directly related to sex. But yes, this is supposed to attract ansswers from people who do know what it's like.

[Sci]

Wait sex is a goal in relationships? If someone gets penetrated does the penetrater like shout "Yeees! Touchdown!" while screaming and like man-hugs the other person/people? Do they shout like "Nooo!" or "Come on!" as in (American) Football games?

[Ficulnean]

Wait sex is a goal in relationships? If someone gets penetrated does the penetrater like shout "Yeees! Touchdown!" while screaming and like man-hugs the other person/people? Do they shout like "Nooo!" or "Come on!" as in (American) Football games?

Okay, now this is a sarcastic answer. It made me laugh though.

I AM still trying to figure out what actually wanting sex to play a part in a relationship is like, though.

[Sci]

Wait sex is a goal in relationships? If someone gets penetrated does the penetrater like shout "Yeees! Touchdown!" while screaming and like man-hugs the other person/people? Do they shout like "Nooo!" or "Come on!" as in (American) Football games?

Okay, now this is a sarcastic answer. It made me laugh though.

I AM still trying to figure out what actually wanting sex to play a part in a relationship is like, though.

In a Asexual/Sexual or Sexual/Sexual or Asexual/Asexual relationship?

[Ficulnean]

Wait sex is a goal in relationships? If someone gets penetrated does the penetrater like shout "Yeees! Touchdown!" while screaming and like man-hugs the other person/people? Do they shout like "Nooo!" or "Come on!" as in (American) Football games?

Okay, now this is a sarcastic answer. It made me laugh though.

I AM still trying to figure out what actually wanting sex to play a part in a relationship is like, though.

In a Asexual/Sexual or Sexual/Sexual or Asexual/Asexual relationship?

Darn it. I now am really curious as to how that would work in an asexual/asexual relationship. But no, I have intended this to mean sexual/sexual relationship.

[Sci]

Well in a sexual it would probally be like this,

Person 1 = P1

Person 2 = P2

P1: "I wanna do it. Let's do it."

P2: "Ugh. Not right now, I'm eating spaghetti."

P1: "Well I have plenty of sauce ;) "

P2: "Go away. I just wanna eat."

P1: "I know something you can ea-"

P2: "Omg. Just shush."

[Ficulnean]

Well in a sexual it would probally be like this,

Person 1 = P1

Person 2 = P2

P1: "I wanna do it. Let's do it."

P2: "Ugh. Not right now, I'm eating spaghetti."

P1: "Well I have plenty of sauce ;) "

P2: "Go away. I just wanna eat."

P1: "I know something you can ea-"

P2: "Omg. Just shush."

I'm loving these answers.

P1: Can weat least do the lady and the tramp scence?

Serious, explanatory, answers still encouraged.

[MC Dusters]

No, seriously guys. Sex is good, healthy, awesome and all kinds of positive stress in sexual/sexual relationship if both parties enjoy it fully.

To have it as a goal is fine, unless you want to fuck the person and leave. If it's like a milestone - you date, you fuck, you start to live together, you get engaged, you marry... then yeah. it sounds healthy if both parties think same of sex.

[Nymra]

Wait. That's an actual goal of a relationship...?

No, just stop.

[R_1]

Some people walked a thousand mile to have sex. Yeah, I don't get it.

[Ficulnean]

No, seriously guys. Sex is good, healthy, awesome and all kinds of positive stress in sexual/sexual relationship if both parties enjoy it fully.

To have it as a goal is fine, unless you want to fuck the person and leave. If it's like a milestone - you date, you fuck, you start to live together, you get engaged, you marry... then yeah. it sounds healthy if both parties think same of sex.

Thank you. I have made it clear that I'm asking about a goal within a relationship, not a goal of the entire relationship. I wish my first post had said as much. This is just something I still have no clue about though, although I'm amazed by peoples creativity inanswering, so I wasn't sure how to phrase it. So, to repeat, what is this type of incorporation of sex into a relationship like?

[Eva]

On the campus where I'm going to school, "Do you want to, like, go for a cup of coffee or something?" means "Can we have sex? Soon?"

Edit: Cross-posted with your most recent explanation of your question.

[imgone]

In high school I had a friend tell me it was her goal to lose her virginity before the end of high school... *THAT* I cannot relate to. I don't really understand the eagerness, or the way people seem to tie their own self worth to whether or not they've had sex/their first kiss by a certain age. I guess I just can't relate to wanting sex for sex's sake, basically.

However I might want to achieve closeness with a particular person through sex. It satisfies my desire for emotional rather than physical intimacy. It doesn't really do a whole lot for me physically. *shrug shrug*

I don't think it was ever a "goal" in my current relationship, though, which thus far has been my only sexual one. For us it was very much about the journey, not the destination, as the saying goes. I think "destination" is actually more fitting than "goal." When you set out to do something with a goal in mind, it is all about reaching the goal. But on a journey you can have as many destinations as you want, and the trip could still be a success even if you don't make it to where you meant to. In terms of relationship growth as the journey, there are still plenty of stops to hit, even beyond sex. :)

I think in many adult sexual-sexual relationships (teenage relationships may be different) sex is probably an expectation rather than a goal. Unfortunate, but there it is. Subtle distinction.

[I/O]

I feel like someone earlier put it really well and it got glossed over. To some in sexual relationships sex isn't a goal more like a milestone. It is something that people expect will happen and they use that thing to "mark" the point their relationship is at. So in some ways people think of it more like a goal, kinda like if I can just get to this milestone then X,Y,and Z will also be true. So kinda like getting to mile 2.5 in a 5k(3.2 miles) run can be and is a goal, its more like a milestone when you take a step back and look at it.