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People have sex as a goal?


Ficulnean

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Maybe they don't think of sex as anything more than a fun activity (like some people do sports or videogames) and that's why they can just do it with anybody. I would never do it (because I kinda put sex on a pedestal as some super special thing you only do with your beloved *rolls eyes at self*), but I can if not understand it I can kinda see why people do it.

I can see the most basic carnal level "Hey this feels good let's do it", but I don't understand how they arrive to such an over-simplification of that situation. I don't understand how they don't seem to value it beyond a physical act, beyond meat rubbing together [queue nauseous mental images]. In my mind that involves ignoring things that are impossible to ignore; so while it makes sense 'on paper' to me, it doesn't make sense in reality to me.......

Yeah. I guess this is the huge question that we'll never get answered. People are just wired differently. It's just one of those things.

......Also, there's no reason to eye-roll at 'putting sex on a pedestal' as something you do exclusively with someone incredibly important to you; that's something I do understand because it's much more than a physical act to me. But maybe we are just old-fashioned, I'm sure many people would feel we are the ones with the bizarre logic.

I think it's ok to think of sex as a special thing, but for me it used to be a huggge important milestone! Something you did with your True Love and only then. And I'm finding that silly now since I consider myself to be aromantic and that will never happen for me. Now I'm learning about the different ways you can love, how being in love isn't the end all be all of relationships (or life), and you can have a truly deep bond with someone without being in love with them. It's weird. I'm trying to replace societal expectations of me with things that I truly want to do and it's hard! Do I really wanna do this or do I wanna do this because society views it as a big achievement. Y'know? ok I think I went off topic...

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I feel like I can answer the question. Sex was a goal for me in my relationship with my boyfriend. Being demi, it wasn't the simplest one, because I was a virgin when I met him, and I wasn't altogether certain I would want to sleep with him, even after I knew I loved him. When I realized that I did want that kind of intimacy with him (months into the relationship and after years of knowing each other), the word "goal" is a pretty apt descriptor for how I thought about it, because I was intimidated by it but wanted to get to that point regardless. I was afraid that something would hurt, and that made it more difficult to relax. We had no other choice but to take things slowly, because if we went too fast, I would just get frustrated and stop enjoying myself. I knew it was a goal he wanted us to reach, but he also understood that it was hard for me because it was my first time and it felt like an unknown. Sometimes I got ahead of myself because I got excited about being close to him, but then wound up not feeling comfortable going very far, since I was a little afraid. During those moments, I would get mad at myself, and he would reassure me that it's no big deal, nothing to beat myself up over. There were times when I didn't want to try because I felt like it would ruin an otherwise nice evening. That made it a more challenging goal than others we've had in our relationship, at least on my end. There have been times when it was well worth it, and other times when I just don't feel in a sexual mood and it just wasn't. The fact that I've gotten this far feels like an achievement for me, since I once thought I never would. At the end of the day, I still seriously doubt that the traditional penis-in-vagina thing is going to be the most important or most affecting thing to me in a relationship.

Does that address the original question?

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I feel like I can answer the question. Sex was a goal for me in my relationship with my boyfriend. Being demi, it wasn't the simplest one, because I was a virgin when I met him, and I wasn't altogether certain I would want to sleep with him, even after I knew I loved him. When I realized that I did want that kind of intimacy with him (months into the relationship and after years of knowing each other), the word "goal" is a pretty apt descriptor for how I thought about it, because I was intimidated by it but wanted to get to that point regardless. I was afraid that something would hurt, and that made it more difficult to relax. We had no other choice but to take things slowly, because if we went too fast, I would just get frustrated and stop enjoying myself. I knew it was a goal he wanted us to reach, but he also understood that it was hard for me because it was my first time and it felt like an unknown. Sometimes I got ahead of myself because I got excited about being close to him, but then wound up not feeling comfortable going very far, since I was a little afraid. During those moments, I would get mad at myself, and he would reassure me that it's no big deal, nothing to beat myself up over. There were times when I didn't want to try because I felt like it would ruin an otherwise nice evening. That made it a more challenging goal than others we've had in our relationship, at least on my end. There have been times when it was well worth it, and other times when I just don't feel in a sexual mood and it just wasn't. The fact that I've gotten this far feels like an achievement for me, since I once thought I never would. At the end of the day, I still seriously doubt that the traditional penis-in-vagina thing is going to be the most important or most affecting thing to me in a relationship.

Does that address the original question?

This does very well, albiet indirectly. I was looking for personal expereinces, instead of a general theory as to why (which I already understand). Also, it's very heartwarming to know that a demisexual person is able to make this type of relationship work, even in the state that I would expect myself to be in of it not always being something important. Thank you very much.

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