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Benefits of coming out to family?


TheLandsBeyond

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TheLandsBeyond

I'm 18, living at home until next fall, and I identify as panromantic asexual. I'm typically pretty open about it, though I only really mention it if it comes up for whatever reason. My parents are supportive of LGBT rights, so I don't have much to fear about their reaction. My sexual orientation has never come into question around them (they just assume I'm heteronormative), and I've never felt a need to bring up this topic with them. However, I also feel like I'm hiding a part of me that they might be grateful to know. As certain as I am that they will be supportive, I know that they will not really understand what either 'panromantic' or 'asexual' means, which could lead to a rather awkward conversation about my sexual preferences.

Has anyone here come out to family? If so, what was your experience, and what other benefits could there be in telling them?

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I'm much older and since learning about and realizing I was Ace, I've only told my spouse and my sister. My parents are deceased, and I'm not sure at my age I would have told them, but I might have.

But I think if I were a parent, and friendly to LGBT rights, and I had either a teen or adult child who was Ace, I'd be really pleased that they felt open to letting me know. I'd feel really good about that. Of course I can't speak for your parents, and you know them best. :) What ever you decide, best of luck!

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Christinanc93

I have, and they were is complete denial of it, but they are extremely conservative....I am very open about who I am with everyone but my family, because it only causes problems here.

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GRexCarolinii

I would love to explain to my family too about what I like but It's confusing so i just am waiting until i absolutely have to say something

pretty much me, I guess

part of me wants to tell my Mum at least - because it's kinda a reason why in many ways I might struggle to find someone (though I know she's also likely to deny it, or say it's a phase or whatever)

but on the other hand.... sex is such a private thing anyway. I wouldn't tell her if I loved it?

so it's not really... her business too?

so always unsure of what to do - I just know I want to try and make it more obvious to people around me; so that a) I can be more open and happier about it in general, b) it'll hopefully be more obvious to people who would otherwise want to ask me out (not that that has ever happened... strangely a few of my male friends already have that very strong impression of me?) and c) I think... it would be easier to find someone else like me if they already knew I was Ace too.

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I've been debating on whether to do this, too. At this point, I don't think I'll tell them either until I've figured everything out for myself, or until the subject comes up naturally. However, I really want to talk it out with someone I know IRL, so I think I'll bring it up with one of my friends soon. There are some things friends are more understanding of than family.

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TheLandsBeyond

So glad to hear from others who are in this situation, too! I'm extremely fortunate to have parents who are accepting of the LGBTQ community in general, but yeah. Discussing my sexual preference, or lack thereof, doesn't really seem like it should be anyone's business. I'm still undecided on whether I should tell them, though.

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I came out to my parents for a similar reason you descibe, I felt like its a part of me that I wanted them to know about.

another benifit is raise visability and awareness. my parents also stopped asking if I had a girlfriend/boyfriend.

As certain as I am that they will be supportive, I know that they will not really understand what either 'panromantic' or 'asexual' means, which could lead to a rather awkward conversation about my sexual preferences.

You could ask them to read the AVEN "about asexuality" page to start the conversation and to get them informed. Alternatively you could bring up asexuality in conversation to see their reaction to it.

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I'm sure my mum wants me to be pansexual/bisexual and accept anything as long as I love them, and she's really open about sex and stuff and she always tell me how once I try it, I won't stop, but I don't really think that's the case... I'm kind of hesitant to tell her because it might disappoint her.

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Breathing....

I've been debating on whether to do this, too. At this point, I don't think I'll tell them either until I've figured everything out for myself, or until the subject comes up naturally. However, I really want to talk it out with someone I know IRL, so I think I'll bring it up with one of my friends soon. There are some things friends are more understanding of than family.

This is me. Been trying to figure out how to bring it up with a friend.... Tried to a few days ago but we got sidetracked and I didn't feel able to get back to it. I don't think I'll tell my family until I have to, whether that is when I'm happy and have figured it all out or because they don't give me a choice, who knows.

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I'm glad that I shared with my sister, since we're close, and it made me feel I have a (tiny) support network. I dreaded having to go into any big explanation, and we don't live near each other, so the choices were telephone or email. I decided on email, and included links to information she could read.

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TheLandsBeyond

I'm glad that I shared with my sister, since we're close, and it made me feel I have a (tiny) support network. I dreaded having to go into any big explanation, and we don't live near each other, so the choices were telephone or email. I decided on email, and included links to information she could read.

Did she appreciate the fact that you told her, or did she see it as something she didn't need to know?

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I'm sure my mum wants me to be pansexual/bisexual and accept anything as long as I love them, and she's really open about sex and stuff and she always tell me how once I try it, I won't stop, but I don't really think that's the case... I'm kind of hesitant to tell her because it might disappoint her.

This . . . this is a really odd reaction. Why not just accept you?

But to the OP, if you feel like you're missing out on something, they I would (with your family) go for it.

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SeaSwallowed - I've come out to my parents twice, first as gay and then as asexual. Coming out as gay was harder and though it was initially very uncomfortable for me (mostly because it happened on accident and I wasn't ready), it has made living with my parents much easier because I feel like I don't have a to hide a part of myself and we can talk openly about things. Coming out as asexual happened when my parents asked me what I had been up to, and I told them I was looking up stuff on asexuality and that led to me telling them I was asexual. I got a bunch of questions from my mother (Hormones? Not the right person? etc.), but she did her own research and I think she understands it a bit better now. This hasn't really changed our relationship, since I think this is just another drop in the bucket... I think the gay thing was probably more shocking. If anything I'm sure they're relieved because now that I'm asexual I won't be having sex and therefore I won't get AIDS. Not necessarily true (not all aces are celibate), but whatever. I'm hoping that this hasn't confused them into thinking I'm 'straight' though... LOL

In all seriousness though, if you think this will lead to you feeling more comfortable around your parents/being more open with them with regards to relationships etc., then I think this is a good idea. It might be uncomfortable at first, having to answer questions, but (hopefully) they'll come around. Do keep in mind though, that your parents could take this news to mean that you will never have children. This may/may not be a big deal depending on your familial situation.

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