The "friendzone"

[Hobbes!]

I remember that article. #5 stood out as one of the most arrogant articles I've ever seen. Sanctimonious even for Cracked

[Batman's Ace]

The friendzone is a category. Where girls put guys who are their friends. Guys only complain about this if:

A) they were only being friendly because they were angling for sex

and

B) they believe it's totally impossible for a girl to fall in love with a friend

and

C) they don't want to put in all the work of actually becoming a default nice person so that someone will want to have sex with them without being manipulated into it.

All of my guyfriends are in the friendzone. No complaints yet. Then again, most of them are married, and I know a lot of their wives.

[Striped Sweater]

Ugh. The "friendzone." Just because someone is nice to another does not mean the recipient "owes" them a relationship. How entitled and two-faced.

Fortunately this has only happened to me once, as I seem to repel romantic advances (thank goodness). This person had a history of getting angry when they liked someone they couldn't have. Kind of sad that I guess all I was to them was a potential date, but someone like that isn't worth my friendship anyway.

[Winnie_A]

This reminds me of one time I was playing Runescape and some guy came up and started talking to me, then started asking me if I were "dirty" and suggestive stuff like that. When I tried to evade him, he kept being like "I'm just asking :)" and other "polite" sounding things. Eventually I told him to leave me alone and he said "Gosh, I was just trying to be nice!"

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

Why can't we just call it rejection? That's what it used to be called.

[Smmk]

Anyone ever been on chatroulette? It's awfull xD

The only thing they are aiming for is getting you naked in front of your webcam. They sat things like: "are you a naughty one?" And "you are beautiful, come on show me some more!"

And when you refuse they claim they were 'just being nice'. Yeaahh....right...

[Guest]

Anyone ever been on chatroulette? It's awfull xD

The only thing they are aiming for is getting you naked in front of your webcam. They sat things like: "are you a naughty one?" And "you are beautiful, come on show me some more!"

And when you refuse they claim they were 'just being nice'. Yeaahh....right...

So CR really is just as bad as South Park made it out to be a few years ago? "Penis... Penis... Penis... oh a normal dude... no, he's packing out his penis." <_<

Good thing then that I stuck to msn/skype with folks I already know...

[Smmk]

Anyone ever been on chatroulette? It's awfull xD

The only thing they are aiming for is getting you naked in front of your webcam. They sat things like: "are you a naughty one?" And "you are beautiful, come on show me some more!"

And when you refuse they claim they were 'just being nice'. Yeaahh....right...

So CR really is just as bad as South Park made it out to be a few years ago? "Penis... Penis... Penis... oh a normal dude... no, he's packing out his penis." <_<

Good thing then that I stuck to msn/skype with folks I already know...

Well, yeah it really is that bad xD I won't go there again haha

[Zash]

Just on the topic of friendzone and maybe an ace moment... But, the idea that it is possible to be put into a zone where a girl doesn't have any sexual or romantic attraction to you sound really appealing? Why is it so hard for some aces to find their way into the friendzone as easily as some of the "Nice Guys" find their way there? I just want to be friends with people, and not have them want a romantic or sexual relationship with me. Take me to the promised land of the friend zone!

</sorta half satire half truth thing>

[Smmk]

Just on the topic of friendzone and maybe an ace moment... But, the idea that it is possible to be put into a zone where a girl doesn't have any sexual or romantic attraction to you sound really appealing? Why is it so hard for some aces to find their way into the friendzone as easily as some of the "Nice Guys" find their way there? I just want to be friends with people, and not have them want a romantic or sexual relationship with me. Take me to the promised land of the friend zone!

</sorta half satire half truth thing>

That is another way of putting it haha :) I just don't understand how people want to get to know each other with a romantic or sexual destination in mind.

[Smmk]

Allow me to quote a typical pickup artist on the Friend Zone:

The root cause of late failure to lose virginity is a lack of baseline aggression. The steps involved in establishing a normal sexual relationship require that a man have a certain level of aggression. [/size]When on the date, you’ve got to have the balls to risk rejection; you’ve got to hold her hand, kiss her, make out. When you get alone with her, you’ve got to get her bra and knickers off, be able to strip down yourself, and penetrate her vagina with your penis.[/size]

The thought of all this can be terrifying to a “nice guy,’ but if you want to get laid, you’ve got to just go for it. My tips:

1. “Just be yourself?” No, that’s what got you to age 25/30/35 or beyond without getting laid.

2. Read all the PUA stuff on the web. There’s some good advice to be found there, much better than anything that was available 15 years ago.

3. That really hot chick in biology class? She’s not the one you’re going to start with. First, you’ve already put her on a pedestal; second, you’re going to be much more inhibited around someone you see on a daily basis, or has a common circle of friends. No, you’re going to set your sights farther afield, bar girls, friends of friends, or the 5 from biology class who cozies up to you in lab. She’s sending a signal of receptiveness that you’re too dense to get. Next time it happens, invite her up to your apartment to “listen to records” (I know I’m dating myself now). Hint for you virgins: that 5 will look like a 7 or 8 when you’re in flagrante.

4. Women aren’t your friends. They are either former sex partners, current sex partners, potential sex partners, friends or relatives of potential sex partners, or lesbians. It’s obvious to say don’t put yourself in the friend zone, but you also need to remember that most guys who are in there, put themselves there.

5. Don’t worry too much about your looks; confidence and a good line of shit will get you farther. Still, you don’t want to push this principle past the breaking point, so do some time in the gym.

6. Don’t masturbate excessively.

7. Don’t feel embarrassed about escalating the level of physical contact. When you’re on a date, she expects you to make a move. IMHO, the toughest thing is the kiss. If she doesn’t want it, she’s not going to bite you, she’ll just turn away. As for going farther, the best advice I read was to brush or rub gently against her clothing over the desired area. If she likes it, that’s your signal to escalate. If she doesn’t, she’s (again) not going to bite you; likely, she’ll just move your hand gently away. Act cool, like it’s no big deal-perhaps you can close her later in the night, or on a the next date. You’ll probably have a good idea if she’s really not interested in you “like that,” or if you’re just moving a bit fast.

That’s all for now. Good luck, guys.

Source: http://themodernsavage.com/2008/09/30/the-dilemmas-of-male-virgins/

I saw a video once were people on the streets were asked if they could be friends with the oposite sex. All the women answered yes, and most of the man answered no. That says it all really :P

[Batman's Ace]

Allow me to quote a typical pickup artist on the Friend Zone:

4. Women aren’t your friends. They are either former sex partners, current sex partners, potential sex partners, friends or relatives of potential sex partners, or lesbians. It’s obvious to say don’t put yourself in the friend zone, but you also need to remember that most guys who are in there, put themselves there.

...

7. Don’t feel embarrassed about escalating the level of physical contact. When you’re on a date, she expects you to make a move. IMHO, the toughest thing is the kiss. If she doesn’t want it, she’s not going to bite you, she’ll just turn away. As for going farther, the best advice I read was to brush or rub gently against her clothing over the desired area. If she likes it, that’s your signal to escalate. If she doesn’t, she’s (again) not going to bite you; likely, she’ll just move your hand gently away. Act cool, like it’s no big deal-perhaps you can close her later in the night, or on a the next date. You’ll probably have a good idea if she’s really not interested in you “like that,” or if you’re just moving a bit fast.

That’s all for now. Good luck, guys.

Source: http://themodernsavage.com/2008/09/30/the-dilemmas-of-male-virgins/

I saw a video once were people on the streets were asked if they could be friends with the oposite sex. All the women answered yes, and most of the man answered no. That says it all really :P

4. That's gotta make family reunions just a wee bit awkward.

7. No, most women won't bite you if they don't like it, but that doesn't change the laws and social taboos regarding groping and other unwanted contact. It also won't protect you from those women who won't bite but very well might stab your foot with her heel, or call you out in public as a disgusting perv, or even deck you. Better advice would be to figure out whether she's interested in you that way before you make overtures. Maybe that would require too much in the way of people reading, social skills, and self-restraint, though.

[Exanimis]

I laugh.... so hard when I see somebody complaining about it XD

I'm sorry if anybody out there is suffering because of that but I can't handle it!... :rofl:

Oh okay, it is bad.. A few friends of mine already complained to me. I really felt bad for them, but when I see it over the internet I can't handle it XDDD

[Minty Tea]

If the term "friendzone" comes out of anyone's mouth I am instantly enlightened that we are not compatible. No one should be expect to be rewarded with a relationship for being a decent human being. I also feel like if someone complains about being friendzoned, they don't actually appreciate you in the least because they should at least be happy that you can maintain a good friendship with them while they have the opportunity to pursue other people.

[JohnSC]

I laugh.... so hard when I see somebody complaining about it XD

I'm sorry if anybody out there is suffering because of that but I can't handle it!... :rofl:

Oh okay, it is bad.. A few friends of mine already complained to me. I really felt bad for them, but when I see it over the internet I can't handle it XDDD

Hmmm..... I find this friendzone space desirable. It seems like the perfect place for me. Platonic.

How does one get there? I must know.

[Conscientious Ghost]

I feel like friend zone describes a situation when people in a friendship/acquaintanceship have a different perception of the relationship. Person Y and Person Z are buddies. However, Person Z begins to develop sexual and/or romantic attraction(s) towards Person Y while Person Y views Person Z as a pal. When both of them realize that the companionship isn't sticking on course, it shifts to a sudden friend zone.

Although friend zone is a common experience, it is no valid excuse to use the former friendship as a manipulative tool to guilt people into romantic and/or sexual relationships. It's mere rejection when people turn them down.

It only happened three times in my life, and it was awkward when I had zero attraction to any of them.

[Mona Lisa]

Ugh, that pick-up artist makes me so mad. Women aren't just walking vaginas that you hunt for sex. We're f*cking human beings. If you have to pretend to be something you're not, you don't deserve a woman's attention. Maybe this kind of douchebaggery pays off for men, but this attitude harms women a whole lot.

[Smmk]

Ugh, that pick-up artist makes me so mad. Women aren't just walking vaginas that you hunt for sex. We're f*cking human beings. If you have to pretend to be something you're not, you don't deserve a woman's attention. Maybe this kind of douchebaggery pays off for men, but this attitude harms women a whole lot.

Exactly. But unfortunately a lot of men (mind me: also women) do think this way...

[thethinktress35]

I've actually been "friend-zoned" (I very rarely use this term because I am still friends with the person and can totally accept that). I never expected any sexual relationship from him, but we were so emotionally and mentally close that I would have loved to pursue a relationship with him, and sometimes still do. But, he always dated my closest friends, and when we were both single, and it was okay with my friends, we would always flirt and hang out more, but I could never make it out of being one of his closest friends. But, I'd rather have him in my life as one of my dear friends than nothing so I (kind of) okay with this haha. But for me it NEVER had to do with the sexual possibility, it was always the emotionally intimate possibility to see what we would be like as a partnership in that nature.

Hope this helped!

[littlepersonparadox]

Friendzoning can happen to women (and/or nonsexuals), too, you know. It's the feeling that you are friends with someone, while the friendship contains elements of a relationship, and one of the two parties is interested in being more than just friends. Feeling friendzoned can happen if someone hints at, or divulges their interest, but is rejected and still expected to maintain said friendship (with more than friends-esque expectations). It can be hard being in that position, knowing that you have romantic (or even sexual, I suppose) feelings for someone, while they rant/ramble about how everyone they go out with treats them badly.

At least, that's another perspective of the "friendzone".

**

Moved to Asexual Relationships forum.

Byanyothername

Asexual Q&A Mod

That is proabably the more friendly version of the non-existent friendszone but there are people i've seen who complaine about being "friendzoned" after cat calling this person on the street. Your not even freinds with person your not even in the friend catagory to them yet you complain about them not being interested because you hit on them awkwardly that one time?

mostly people use it as a excuse to say they owe them a relationship. i get that being rejected hurts but its not fair to blame someone for their feelings. you can be mopey about not getting into a relationship but don't make it out to be something that it isn't. and it isn't their fault. getting rejected is just something that happens.

[Smmk]

I've actually been "friend-zoned" (I very rarely use this term because I am still friends with the person and can totally accept that). I never expected any sexual relationship from him, but we were so emotionally and mentally close that I would have loved to pursue a relationship with him, and sometimes still do. But, he always dated my closest friends, and when we were both single, and it was okay with my friends, we would always flirt and hang out more, but I could never make it out of being one of his closest friends. But, I'd rather have him in my life as one of my dear friends than nothing so I (kind of) okay with this haha. But for me it NEVER had to do with the sexual possibility, it was always the emotionally intimate possibility to see what we would be like as a partnership in that nature.

Hope this helped!

I personally never been friendzoned in the way you describe it (or any way, actually) but I can relate to what you are saying. I am only capable of falling in love with really close friends but was lucky that they (that is: the 2 guys this happened with) returned these feelings to me.

[FinallyReadyToBeHere]

The only thing I don't like about the whole "friendzone" thing is that there is a sense of entitlement in it. You're just mad that someone, who you are affectionate towards, is not returning that affection the way you want them to-- but instead of taking it in stride and realizing that this person may never like you-like you, you decide to be bitter about it while, at the same time, not recognizing that this person has a right to not be interested in you romantically. You are also making it sound like it is the worst thing in the world to actually be involved in this person's life. I do realize it sucks and kind of hurts to want to be with someone but not have them romantically want you. It does suck but you have to respect that persons rights and choices because, if you are actually a good friend, you will stand by and support them. Who knows? One day they may want to be with you romantically or you will find someone who is an even better match for you-- who will want you in the same way and will want to be your friend and your person at the same time.

[Blinkin]

I haven't read all the reactions here so sorry if I'm saying something that has been mentioned already.

To me the friendzone is something that exists in the mind of the person whining about it. But it's also something that put a certain presurre in the other person. Most people I know talking about being friendzoned are men and every time I see a person who is 'girlfriendzoning' their friend. They say they're being friendzoned while in fact they place the friend in a box which is purely created by themselves.

Idk if this makes sense to someone, it's a bit hard to explain.

[prof mags]

i hate the term its just a excuse for people to not have to deal with the fact they were rejected

having been on both ends and just moved on afterwards i just feel its pathetic to whine about it when its just a case they dont see you that way

i know it isnt easy but its better than just pining over it and torturing yourself and if its a case of they think i was nice and i deserve sex for that you dont deserve to be "friendzoned" in the first place maybe "dropped out if my life zone"

[Smmk]

I agree that it is probably very much a mental thing. Maybe even to soften the pain a rejection causes?

[xSkylar]

Every day I hear people complain about the friendzone, and it kind of annoys me.

As a demisexual, becoming friends with someone is absolutely mandatory before I can even think about starting a relationship with someone, but well: that's just me xD

Sometimes it seems like girls (but probably boys too) are obliged to like someone just because he or she is nice to him/her. I think this is weird and I wonder what others think about this.

What are your experiences with "the friendzone" and what do you think about it?

Could not agree with these statements more. I always think friendship first, then relationship. Everyone seems to just jump into relationships especially during high school just because X liked Y, but Y doesn't necessarily have a crush on X, but goes with it anyways because of convenience and reciprocation.

I've never been friendzoned but I don't think I would mind, because I'd rather the person get to know me better and then maybe have the possibility of changing their mind. I've friendzoned guys before but they get angry about it? I don't understand that. The fact is, I'm still willing to be friends with them, just not romantically. But apparently to them that's not enough. Gives me a bit of suspicion about their intent tbh.

[Smmk]

Every day I hear people complain about the friendzone, and it kind of annoys me.

As a demisexual, becoming friends with someone is absolutely mandatory before I can even think about starting a relationship with someone, but well: that's just me xD

Sometimes it seems like girls (but probably boys too) are obliged to like someone just because he or she is nice to him/her. I think this is weird and I wonder what others think about this.

What are your experiences with "the friendzone" and what do you think about it?

Could not agree with these statements more. I always think friendship first, then relationship. Everyone seems to just jump into relationships especially during high school just because X liked Y, but Y doesn't necessarily have a crush on X, but goes with it anyways because of convenience and reciprocation.

I've never been friendzoned but I don't think I would mind, because I'd rather the person get to know me better and then maybe have the possibility of changing their mind. I've friendzoned guys before but they get angry about it? I don't understand that. The fact is, I'm still willing to be friends with them, just not romantically. But apparently to them that's not enough. Gives me a bit of suspicion about their intent tbh.

Yes, exactly! Everyone around me is going a lot faster than I do with relationships and such.

I've never been friendzoned either (but then again, I don't fall in love just like that) I have however, although unintentional, 'friendzoned' guys in the past. Most of them accepted the rejection, while some of them seemed to be offended or something? Like it is my fault I did not fall in love with them. I also value friendship a lot more than a meaningless crush.

[SMW22792]

I never understood why the "friendzone" was a bad thing. Isn't it nice to have friends? Does every relationship need to be sexual with some people? Having deep, meaningful conversations with someone appeals to me much more then having sex.

[JAKQ7111]

I've actually been "friend-zoned" (I very rarely use this term because I am still friends with the person and can totally accept that). I never expected any sexual relationship from him, but we were so emotionally and mentally close that I would have loved to pursue a relationship with him, and sometimes still do. But, he always dated my closest friends, and when we were both single, and it was okay with my friends, we would always flirt and hang out more, but I could never make it out of being one of his closest friends. But, I'd rather have him in my life as one of my dear friends than nothing so I (kind of) okay with this haha. But for me it NEVER had to do with the sexual possibility, it was always the emotionally intimate possibility to see what we would be like as a partnership in that nature.

Hope this helped!

This is exactly how I've always envisioned the experience, and that experience is, or rather can be quite painful. How are you supposed to feel when someone you care deeply about and around whom you can be most vulnerable doesn't care about you the same way? That hurts something fierce, and isn't just about sex.

mostly people use it as a excuse to say they owe them a relationship. i get that being rejected hurts but its not fair to blame someone for their feelings. you can be mopey about not getting into a relationship but don't make it out to be something that it isn't. and it isn't their fault. getting rejected is just something that happens.

I don't know if this is just my twisted brain doing this, but I always have a nasty taste in my mouth when these conversations come up when it comes to blame. I'm not sure if I can articulate this without an example scenario, so here we go: Person A crushes on Person B, who does not reciprocate.

Now, I understand that it is not Person B's fault that they don't reciprocate Person A's feelings, that is self-explanatory. Where my twisted brain comes in is, now tell me if this is a safe train of thought to go down, it is Person A's fault that Person B doesn't reciprocate their feelings. All of the pain Person A may experience from being rejected or 'friendzoned' or whatever you wish to call it, is entirely Person A's fault, and they deserve it, because Person B did not choose to be crushed on. This seems somehow not right, but it is what I have convinced myself is the case, and it has really shaped the way I view my own crushes.

[Smmk]

The way the friendzone is portrayed in the media also isn't very helpfull.