KaytoaFangirlsHeart Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I have a female coworker who is a self proclaimed asexual. She also claims to be against romance, like she doesn't want a romantic relationship ever. Are all asexuals like that? Or do some enjoy dating as long as there's no sex? Forgive me I know nothing about asexuals. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 No, romantic and sexual orientations are two different things. She is aromantic in addition to asexual. Some asexuals can enjoy sex, some any sensual thing short of sex, and others only some sensual things, others others no sensual things. The deciding factor is desire for partnered sex. For aromantics the deciding factor is desire for a romantic relationship, which are those relationships which are special in a more than platonic sense. Some aromantics still enjoy queer-platonic relationships. Which is where someone else needs to pick up this definitional ball from me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Exanimis Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 You know. As you can see if you look around the fora, there are two things that define with whom someone is inclined to have a relationship with: Romantic orientation and Sexual orientation. Romantic orientation is with who would you feel like having a romantic relationship, not necessarily sex. Sexual orientation is with who you would have sex with. You might want to have a hetero relationship, eg, a man with a woman, but without wanting to have sex. See? A lot of aces (asexuals) engage and want to have a romantic relationship without sex. In case of an aromantic, they do not want to engage in a romantic relationship. It is totally normal to see it. Look around and see it for yourself ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DaphnePeneia Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 No offense taken. Glad you're asking! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 To some people, sex is viewed as romantic, but there are so many different forms of romance. What about buying a bouquet of roses? What about writing love letters? What about kissing in the rain? Holding hands and watching the stars? Love, real love, is so much deeper than physicality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Fair question - there's quite a wide spectrum in this regard. Asexuals tend to have a variety of different things that they're comfortable with, whether they identify as romantic or not. Two asexuals may be romantics, but that doesn't mean that they'll both like kissing, for example. It's best if you think of it in terms of preferences. No two straight guys like exactly the same things in a relationship (Or during sex, for that matter). The same is true of asexuals Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Old Member Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 ... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KaytoaFangirlsHeart Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Thanks for all your responses. They've really helped. Reading this, I've started wondering where I would fall on the spectrum. I used to be sexually active, but I've had some bad experiences with sex recently and while the idea of sex in general is appealing, having sex personally is very scary. I've given up dating since every one I find just wants sex, but I crave romance and being in a committed relationship. Where do you feel I would fall in the spectrum? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KaytoaFangirlsHeart Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Ok, I read the FAQs and wow, I never thought I that this community was so diverse! I understand you cant tell me what I am, and I have a better idea of it myself. not sure what fancy name I would choose like "polyarmorous panromantic asexual" or whatever. I'd like to talk to some more people before choosing a name for my orientation. I would definitely say that at this moment, I identify with the asexual spectrum in some way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Exanimis Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 That's cool. Whatever you're comfortable with. Remember that labels are shortcuts. They really help lift some weights and clarify doubts. I personally avoid using labels that much, short of using as a mean to define without having to explain in details. Feel free to hang around the forums and share your thoughts and all. ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Examinis is right - labels are just convenient shorthand, what matters is what you feel. A bit of advice that might help - try not to define yourself based on what you've done, but on what you feel. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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