Jump to content

Oddly specific problem about fetishes and arousal (tmi/tw: rape)


beorchan

Recommended Posts

So basically... as long as I can remember the only things that sexually arouse me are voyeuristic death and rape fantasies. If I want to get turned on, I watch rape porn. I understand that rape fantasies are common among women, but sometimes I really hate it. Sometimes I don't want to get off on rape, but I want to get off, and it's pretty literally the only thing that turns me on. I can and frequently do successfully masturbate when I'm not aroused, but it's so much more satisfying if I'm aroused before I start. I wish I could get turned on the same way by something more pleasant. Does anyone else have a problem like this? I'm sure there's no way to change what arouses you but does anyone have any other advice?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I do and I have - not rape but other things that I wish I never had that kind of interest in; things that would be considered kinky at the very least (not criminal, but way beyond the "vanilla"). As far as how to get away from that, you may never be able to do so entirely, though you might be able to diminish your interest in that and perhaps cultivate a desire for other, less disturbing imagery. I once had a therapist (when I told her about my disturbing fantasies) who suggested that I start out (when I wanted to masturbate) with the stuff I didn't like, and as I got close to orgasm to switch over to something that wasn't disturbing and finish with that. I tried it, and I worked hard at it. And in a way it did work a little bit, in that I was able to acquire a taste for more "normal" sexual subject matter, but sadly, my tastes for the perverted stuff never went away. And worse yet, I still usually need it to at least get me started, even though I can always finish with a non-disturbing fantasy.

So if you are looking at porn you would want to swap at some point to something non-violent; whatever it is you'd be OK with getting off to. If you're like me you may never be rid of it, though you might be able to be a little less dependent on it.

So yeah, you aren't the only one who has been locked in that cycle of having to get off on fantasies that you hate (if you want to get off at all).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get turned on by any vanilla porn. So there lol My theory is I want my fantasies to be as unrealistic as possible.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Along the lines of what Schrecken said, masturbating while fantasizing about something you enjoy, and then switch to thinking about something else right before climaxing, can actually help diminish some of your desires. Once you start associating another fantasy with climax, you begin to want that more, and less of the original subject matter.

Hope that helps!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum.

Byanyothername

Asexual Q&A Mod

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think even I know what I really want, when I masturbate I start off thinking about girls, or guys, but they always eventually switch, or add, or I switch, or something, the more bizarre the more erotic, but literally everything just flies past me.

And I find it really hard to get turned on unless I'm thinking about really painful and shameful sex, like some serious S&M roles, only I switch roles depending on the gender of whoever else is in my fantasies, lol.

I'm so confused ><

All I know is, one of the reasons I always felt I could never really have sex, def not with girls, 'cus I would have to become some kind of monster, to enjoy it, which at the same time, is something I could never see myself doing :/

Please don't have me for saying any of this :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
Frugal Luddite

I understand your interest in changing what you are turned on by. I have tried it a couple of times unsuccessfully over the long term. I have had a couple of other fetishes surpass others for months at a time though. My experience has been much like the previous poster.

I've had a small rape fantasy that has come and gone every couple of years. It's more a story and I'm just 3rd person omniscient. Ironically it actually is derived from a true story that I heard on a religious radio station back when I was trying to be a religious person.

You are certainly not alone in the type of fantasies that you have, nor in feeling a desire to change your biggest turn-on.

A friend of mines has a book that discusses why we develop certain fetishes and (I think) how we can change at least a little. I can't remember the title. I've been planning to read it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice guys - I will definitely give the stimulus switching a try. It's nice to know that worked for at least some of you...

Link to post
Share on other sites

This scenario sounds to me, a bit like you may have become immune to what you want to get-off of.

I've read an article in men's health magazine of a study of men how had watched an executive amount of internet porn stoped having disierd affect and a loss of libido. It turns out than if you stop looking at porn for 2 week's you can reverse your lack of arousal and libido. It may need more time to work with women because of menstruation and ovulation.

Moreover sex addicts are told not to look at porn, have sex, think of sex or masturbate. Then when going back to a relationship only have sex that is enjoyable for there partner and to be in a position that they can see the other persons face.

If you do this then go back watching porn remember to look at porn that have keywords like "sensual" "for women" or "for couples"

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get turned on by any vanilla porn. So there lol My theory is I want my fantasies to be as unrealistic as possible.

I KNOW I want mine as unrealistic as possible. When I read erotica (can't do pictures- too realistic) I much prefer there to be aliens or something, as well as an element of force, and I really really really prefer third person- not first or second person.

As far as changing what you're attracted to- try finding things sort of on the edge of what you're attracted to, and maybe associate it? Like say your favorite movie has some element that isn't death or rape... maybe watch other things with whatever that is?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...