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Could Your Upbringing Have Contributed To Your Being Asexual?


Contrarian Expatriate

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I have the feeling that my parents did (involuntarily or not) everything to keep me from developing a healthy attitude towards relationships and sex. This might have discouraged me from engaging in intimate relationships, but I probably wouldn't have been interested either way. Still - to this day I can't really forgive them for what they've done. I'd really like to know what an upbringing in a healthier environment would have been like.

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We will have to agree to disagree. If I declare that I was born asexual because that's what I believe does not make it true. There could be factors in infancy or before the age of 5 that could have given rise to Ace status. Also, there is a body of peer-reviewed research that suggests evolutionary benefits of homosexuality. So the oversimplification of "That's just how some people are," is likely not accurate. I hope the asexual community stays oriented towards critical thinking and fact-based opinions instead of cliche and unsupported conclusions. There is too much that can be learned for us to languish in the land of groupthink.

Just what research studies suggest that there are evolutionary benefits of homosexuality? Cites, please.No one's languishing in the "land of groupthink". We are all individuals on AVEN, of different ages and different opinions and different experiences, and that's pretty plain by reading any of these types of threads. Telling us that we're group-thinking is kind of insulting.
Sally2 replied before I got to this, but she has said exactly what I would have said had I got there first.

BLACE: I'm not saying "I was born asexual" because I have listened to what other people have said and, based on their experiences, have come to that conclusion for myself, or because it's some unsupported belief that I have with no thought or reasoning behind it. Do you think I (as probably almost every other asexual has done) have not thought very long, and very hard about the roots of our asexuality? It's.. pretty personal, to go and say that we are all 'languishing in the land of groupthink' just because we have come to a different conclusion about the origins of our own asexuality than your conclusion might be about yours.

And if you believe that asexuality *does* have evolutionary purposes, as you seem to think homosexuality does (cites, please) then Asexuality would be something in the genes (ie people are born with asexuality hardwired into their brain) not something that *happens to us* due to external factors after we are born.

People came here to give their own opinions about the roots if their own asexuality, based on their own childhood experiences and upbringings, as you asked.. not to be accused of 'languishing in the land of groupthink', I don't think anyone here is doing that.

EDIT: and as I clearly stated in the first place, I believe many people are born asexual (just as many are born hetero, homo etc). Asexuals brains are just wired toward asexuality and no amount of openess about sexuality, sex positive talk, and affection among parents as the child grows up will change their innate asexuality if that is what they were born with, unless they discover that they have fluid sexuality which some people do of course. I also believe that some people can experience 'mental' asexuality in which the lack of sexual attraction becomes hardwired into their brain after prolonged sexual trauma, extremely strict upbringing etc,though I imagine it would be hard to tell if events that happened in childhood/ones upbringing, are the true cause of ones asexuality, because there would be no way to tell if you were going to be Asexual regardless of what your upbringing would have been.

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Breathing....

I don't think my upbringing is all of it, I think that my upbringing made me apply 'reasons' to my asexuality which then stopped me from accepting/looking into it.

My family were pretty open about sex and sexuality. I could ask any question at any age and get an accurate response (my parents did not believe in lying about it) consequently I knew where babies came from and how they got there at 6/7. It was sensitively put and not forced on me so I wasn't traumatised by this knowledge at such a young age, most of my siblings were a good bit older before they knew these facts...I asked so I got the information younger.

But I grew up in a broken family with a lot of conflict and almost no physical manifestations of love (whether parent to child, parent to parent or child to child). I think this made me think that I was just 'scared' to be in a relationship and this stopps me from fully accepting who I am.

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Contrarian Expatriate

There are many asexuals who say they believe they were born asexual, just as there are those who believe they became asexual over time. When I read most of the comments here, I see people relating their own experiences and beliefs about the origins of their own sexuality. I think many people would have thought about this a lot, they aren't just dismissing the idea they could have *became* asexual instead of being born that way, but in their own personal experiences, they do believe that being born that way is true in their case.

I don't think it has anything to do with 'evolutionary purposes' it's just how our brains are wired. There have been homosexuals since forever (ancient Greek art as an example) I'm pretty sure it's exactly the same with asexuality it's just never something that has actually been recognised before.

Some people's brains are just wired for/or *become* wired to, asexuality. I don't think there's any reason behind it just as there is no *reason* behind homosexuality or bisexuality.. it's just how some people are.

We will have to agree to disagree. If I declare that I was born asexual because that's what I believe does not make it true. There could be factors in infancy or before the age of 5 that could have given rise to Ace status.

Also, there is a body of peer-reviewed research that suggests evolutionary benefits of homosexuality. So the oversimplification of "That's just how some people are," is likely not accurate.

I hope the asexual community stays oriented towards critical thinking and fact-based opinions instead of cliche and unsupported conclusions. There is too much that can be learned for us to languish in the land of groupthink.

There were a few calls for sources on the suggestion of evolutionary benefit to homosexuality. Google located several but one source I found especially interesting, and the theories may be applicable to Asexual also.

http://chronicle.com/article/The-Evolutionary-Mystery-of/135762/

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I too, grew up in a home where my parents never showed physical affection to each other and to my siblings and I. I never had the "sex" talk either. What I learned was either taught in school or talked about with childhood friends. For this reason, I do not believe I was ever taught how to love someone in a romantic or intimate way. Yes, I had my share of boyfriends, dating and was even married more than once. I believe society pressures young people into doing things they have either have no interest in or clue about it.

Yes, I thought I was in love with each man that I married. But, I had no clue (and I still don't) of what love or being in love was/is. I found this out halfway through my last marriage which ultimately led to a divorce. Once I was divorced, I literally thought something was wrong with me because I felt no sexual attraction to men. I felt the desire to have more of a companion or roommate type of relationship because, the thought of having sex again, stressed me out, which led to a hostile relationship. Fortunately, I did get out. It wasn't until 2011, that heard about asexuality and found this site. I found that some of the characteristics fit me and some did not. I was relieved to find out that I was not alone. So, I believe we are free to be who we want to be and labels mean nothing. I believe in being me. I'm social, I have many friends and I can love someone as a friend or companion. I wear my black ring to signify my asexuality, and no, I don't tell everyone what I am, it's my own personal business and I own it.

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I haven't read all the other replies, but in looking for nature v. nurture you're ignoring 2.5 things. *Headbang, I am nice, I swear*

1. Most clearly, epigenetic factors.

2. The fact that nature determines what type of environments we place ourselves in in the first place. So, it may be the case that some other people didn't watch sex movies, the same as you, but that wasn't necessarily nurture as them choosing not to based on nature.

2.5. That last fact has widely been accepted now and there is no scientific nature v. nurture debate ongoing anymore.

Now, my actual answer. Nope. My family was pretty open about this stuff.

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I was actually created through In Vitro Fertilization. I jokingly like to say that my birth caused my asexuality. It's kind of funny because if some idiot confronts me with "B-b-b-but sex is how you were made!" I can just calmly retort "No it's not." Hey, I'm not entirely wrong. Yes it would appear I may have many loves but science is my only lover. ;)

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It didn't occur to me until later in life that my parents have had sex at some point in their lives to have me. My Mom would also shut the TV off, or block my eyes when something "inappropriate" came on. Even romantic kissing was considered "inappropriate" during this time. My parents showed no physical affection. In fact, they showed the complete opposite. Domestic abuse was unfortunately a common theme in my upbringing. Can't say I recall any sort of "sex talk" I've had with my parents. I think I was a freshman in high school before I learned anything about sex-ed.

The constant fighting between my parents made me shy away from the idea of marriage, even at a very early age. I guess that's the only thought that has translated over to adulthood from my upbringing.

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I've always been kinda shy & socially awkward.

I could see those as contributing

Also my parents rarely showed physical affection to eachother,

and there was never discussion of sex in my house.. not even "the talk"

Maybe that coulda contributed some,

but I think there is also something deeper/more internal about it...

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Hmmmmmm.

- Parents divorced when I was 3. I lived with mom with a couple visits from dad on occasion.

- Mom dated a lot of guys and showed affection to them (nothing graphic). when she did find her current boyfriend (5 1/2 years!), mom said I was free to know any details. She was open about her life experiences.

- I had the sex talk in 5th, 6th and 7th grade with 8th grade learning about parenting.

- I was given a few rules about dating (mom has to meet & approve, find a nice guy, focus on school/important stuff first, etc) but I didn't date anyways. Never even crushed on a guy.

- Rule was no sex till I was 18 and moved out of the house. I understood that. But I was never even tempted to have sex in the first place.

I don't think so. I think I am who I am. More of a 'nature' thing in the 'nature vs nurture' debate.

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I think it CAN have an impact, but it doesn't have to. I know my raising had an impact, because my parents were the same, and never told me anything about sex. As a homeschooler I never even heard the word until I was 9 or 10. I did have a sex drive at as early as 3 or 4 though, so since I wasn't aware that it should have been directed at people, my fantasies tended to feature either myself or a faceless woman, and I only understood kinky things to be arousing since I had no clue about sex. That grew into me only being attracted to situations and ideas, and perhaps the thought of sex, but never once have I been attracted to a person. (Not that I can't appreciate aesthetics, I just don't want to have sex with them.) I feel if I had been raised differently I might not be this way.

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littleyellowdifferent

I don't think my upbringing is all of it, I think that my upbringing made me apply 'reasons' to my asexuality which then stopped me from accepting/looking into it.

That's a very good way of putting it. My parents were never affectionate and there was never any talk of sex in the house, be it positive "bird and bees" talk or "save yourself for marriage" warnings. Being raised Roman Catholic I did feel some guilt and shame when it came to sex, but also I wanted only wanted to have sex with someone I loved. It never occurred to me that I might fall in love with someone and not want to have sex with them. I didn't think anything of the fact that I have rarely been sexually attracted to people. I thought that was just a part of my wanting sex and love to go hand in hand. It's only recently as I found information asexuality that I am understanding the low or non-extistent sexual attraction is not typical and not a conscious decision.

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-I lived in a household where my parents never showed physical affection for each other.

I was raised by a single mother so I guess I will have to agree on this part.

-My parents never had a sexual discussion with me. When I broached a sexual topic, only a vague, non-sex-based answer was given in response.

I had sexual discussions with both of my parents from my penis size to anything you can imagine... :)

-I was required to put my head down in movie theaters whenever a scene depicting sex or intimacy was on the screen.

I was allowed to watch porn when I stayed with my father let alone watching a kinky scene in a movie..

-Both of my parents requested that television channel be changed when sexuality or intimacy was showing on the screen.

None of my parents had this reaction. They would not only let it on but also commentate on how unrealistic the scene was :)

-My questions about romantic interests or an interest in a girl where frowned upon, discouraged, and met with,"You don't need to be worrying about girls, worry about your schoolwork."

So all in all.. No I don't think your asexuality has anything to do with your upbringing or family enviroment. It's just genetics :)

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JustanotherTobigirl

as for my upbringing

-i grew up with just my dad until 10, when he remarried.

-after my fathers remarriage, both him and his partner did show a loving relationship

-yes, I did get that all to awkward sex talk

-my parents highly encourage getting married and having children

-my parents are very conservative Christians, anything but being 'straight' or heterosexual, is seen as 'bad' to them.

-my parents didn't let me watch anything 'sexual' in front of them, like most parents to. However, I spent more time at my cousins house, whose parents were just fine with it. I found that I still avoided watching it, for I found it weird and uncomfortable to see. It seemed to interest my friends at a young age, though it never interested me.

-talking about guys I 'may have been interested in' was encouraged by my parents. They wanted to know who I might 'date'. I failed to ever truly want to date someone, though. It goes as far as my father contently asking why I wasn't dating my guy friend.

When it comes to sexuality, I take the nature standpoint. I don't believe any sexual orientation is anything but nature, for saying its nurture, would by saying you choose it. I wouldn't choose asexuality, I would choose to be heterosexual. Its not a choice, though. Sadly, some can't see that. I don't have anything against those who think it has something to do with nurture, and in some cases, maybe it does have a little to do with it. Overall though, I hold with nature on this one.

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WoodwindWhistler

Gay and lesbian parents are more likely to raise children who identify as such (it's been documented, though shouted down by political meddling and hijacked by bigots) so I see no reason why asexuality would be different.

I'm pretty danged sure my mother is at *least* demisexual. She was very attractive and grumbles about how she had to beat off guys with a stick. I've rarely heard her talk about the actual dating of any guys positively or negatively. She seems very dispassionate about the whole experience.

My parents have never to my recollection made sexual jokes, and a brief kiss is about all I've seen. Now, they had me when my mom was in her thirties, so maybe they're just more mature than other parents who might be a decade younger. But that in itself, that they had been together for 8 years before they married, suggests that not much sexual urgency was there. I'm not closed to the idea that growing up in a Barney media environment rather than a Disney Channel sex-life-lite media environment common nowadays contributed to my development.

They are also both physically intolerant of alcohol. My dad occasionally drinks a beer to be polite, and my mom can have a single glass of scotch before she starts feeling ill. I figure the fact that I can't get past the taste of alcohol at all is inherited.

So, essentially, I am very glad for the double endowment. I have a clear mind. :)

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Gay and lesbian parents are more likely to raise children who identify as such (it's been documented, though shouted down by political meddling and hijacked by bigots)

Documented where?

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TheStarrySkai

Hmm. I don't think so...

I don't remember having "the talk" with my parents. I just remember knowing. My dad loves science and math so he is very eager to watch animal planet and the science channel or explain things to me when I ask. That probably has something to do with it. Plus my mom is that super chill person that loves house, game of thrones, bones, supernatural, those sort of shows.

I'm pretty sure I watched Friends with Benefits with my mom.

With relationships my mom was the classic "Oooh, so who is it." type person where as my dad was the "No! My baby!" type person.

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Maybe it did, but whose to really say or know? My parents divorced when I was really young, from the age of seven to nine I was switching between homes constantly along with my little sister, my step mother (who actually had children with one of my father's relatives before this all happened) despised me from the start. I feel a lot of my mental issues are results of some of the things she did. But I'm not sure why my orientation is what it is and at the end of the day I'm not sure it matters.

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WünderBâhr
Being raised Roman Catholic I did feel some guilt and shame when it came to sex, but also I wanted only wanted to have sex with someone I loved. It never occurred to me that I might fall in love with someone and not want to have sex with them. I didn't think anything of the fact that I have rarely been sexually attracted to people. I thought that was just a part of my wanting sex and love to go hand in hand. It's only recently as I found information asexuality that I am understanding the low or non-extistent sexual attraction is not typical and not a conscious decision.

That was essentially my experience, growing up and then stumbling upon asexuality (outside of the scientific reproductive mention). I was in a relationship at the time I 'found' AVEN, and already had questions about why I felt love for my partner, but was not sexually attracted to him despite that love. Imagine my surprise and relief when I found that there was a growing community of people who experienced the same things and felt the same way.

I was brought up in a somewhat chaste environment, but my parents were very traditional in that women were meant to display proper etiquette, learn domestic household things and so on. Of course, being "Americanized" by their children as well as through their own experiences, we were also introduced to the other side of a very sexualized culture. My father had the sex talk with me when I was in the fifth grade, which was also around the time they introduced us to sex ed in school (Germany was much more forward-thinking about such things early on than the US, back then). He was shocked at my nonchalant attitude toward the subject matter and was almost suspicious until I explained to him that we'd already learned about it in school.

To me, it was purely academic and clinical, as was the curiosity that went with it. It was science, biology and psychology rolled into one confusing bundle of hormones added to awkward ponderings, whispers and giggles that accompanied what it meant to be a "virgin". It was society (and in part, the religion my parents raised me in) that placed importance and stigma to the word. By then, I was already ahead of my peers, intellectually (advanced classes and so on). Sex just wasn't as important as finding a cure for cancer, or figuring out what it really meant to be "in love". When the teen years hit, I'd already gone through puberty (early age of 9), but hormones raged through and emotional turmoil was at the forefront of my existence.

After that, I decided that if I were to have sex with someone (had resisted falling under peer pressure during those crazy teen years), then it would be something I would do with someone I loved, because ppl who love each other do things for each other that make the other person happy and continue to bond. I didn't realize that it was possible to have a relationship with someone without that being in the picture, despite the focus being more on love than sex. That is, until I came across several bits of information that eventually led me to AVEN.

By contrast, both of my sisters developed sexually in their teens, as well as my half-brother (whom shared his experiences with me during a frank discussion about how different the perception was of upbringing and gender roles). So, I'd say my upbringing may have altered my environment compared to others, but it didn't affect my nature.

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skyler-i-wish

I don't think my asexuality has to do with my upbringing because my parents were always really open about sexuality; for example, they'd joke about it. It's actually kind of annoying for me sometimes because they do it on purpose just to get a reaction (although I've never told them I'm asexual, so they probably don't realize how uncomfortable it makes me). When they do this, they see my reaction (which is usually somewhat disgusted since I am sex-repulsed, as well as uncomfortable) and then they tell me that I'll want sex someday and shouldn't be so disgusted by it (and I know that sex is a thing that a lot of people enjoy, but I just don't, and I shouldn't have to if it's not who I am). I'm pretty sure they've heard little if nothing at all about asexuality.

I've never noticed how sexual society was until a few years into high school, and you'd think I would considering that my parents have brought it up a lot more than other parents do.

I've also noticed that I have a different personality than my parents. I used to think I was the same as them, but as I've grown up I've come to realize that I am a different person from them. I feel like if their upbringing were to influence my asexuality, then it would influence my personality as well.

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WoodwindWhistler

Gay and lesbian parents are more likely to raise children who identify as such (it's been documented, though shouted down by political meddling and hijacked by bigots)

Documented where?

Took a bit of searching, but I finally found a source that was fairly balanced. http://www.wnd.com/2009/06/100593/

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/children-raised-by-homosexual-parents-more-likely-to-identify-as-gay-study

Most articles you try to look up this information on will either be conservatives screaming "WE WERE RIGHT, HOMOS INFLUENCE CHILDREN, DEVIL, DEVIL!"

or, LGBTQ frothing and foaming about "PSEUDOSCIENCE! QUACKS! HOMOPHOBES!"

Typcial, anything that doesn't agree with your preconcieved views is not "real science." Lesigh. Don't we have to deal with this same attitude about creationism and evolution? Doesn't anybody know about epigenetics or Freudian psycology theories about desiring people who resemble traits of your parents, especially if you have a decent relationship with them? http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070613071240.htm

Nevermind that, ignoring and/or sweeping aside facts both makes your postiion and your motives look bad, AND unintentionally furthers the attitude that being raised with increased chances of being LGBTQ is a bad thing, which it clearly isn't. It also re-confirms what scientists have been saying for a while: that women are more flexible in their sexualities than men.

Procon.org gives some sources as well, http://borngay.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=000028 Spend too long on this site and you will have no idea what to believe about any subject you could possibly think of at all, which is probably for the best seeing as we can only process a tiny sliver of the existing total reality at once.

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Both websites you provide are pro-life conservative Christian websites. That's not exactly balanced.

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Gay and lesbian parents are more likely to raise children who identify as such (it's been documented, though shouted down by political meddling and hijacked by bigots)

Documented where?

Took a bit of searching, but I finally found a source that was fairly balanced. http://www.wnd.com/2009/06/100593/

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/children-raised-by-homosexual-parents-more-likely-to-identify-as-gay-study

Most articles you try to look up this information on will either be conservatives screaming "WE WERE RIGHT, HOMOS INFLUENCE CHILDREN, DEVIL, DEVIL!"

or, LGBTQ frothing and foaming about "PSEUDOSCIENCE! QUACKS! HOMOPHOBES!"

Typcial, anything that doesn't agree with your preconcieved views is not "real science." Lesigh. Don't we have to deal with this same attitude about creationism and evolution? Doesn't anybody know about epigenetics or Freudian psycology theories about desiring people who resemble traits of your parents, especially if you have a decent relationship with them? http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070613071240.htm

Nevermind that, ignoring and/or sweeping aside facts both makes your postiion and your motives look bad, AND unintentionally furthers the attitude that being raised with increased chances of being LGBTQ is a bad thing, which it clearly isn't. It also re-confirms what scientists have been saying for a while: that women are more flexible in their sexualities than men.

Procon.org gives some sources as well, http://borngay.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=000028 Spend too long on this site and you will have no idea what to believe about any subject you could possibly think of at all, which is probably for the best seeing as we can only process a tiny sliver of the existing total reality at once.

I'm in a massive hurry, so didn't get to read the links you provided as closely as I would have liked, but did the studies specify that every single child in the results was adopted (ie not genetically related to the parents?)

Because homosexual couples can, and do, have biological children. Depending on how many of the children in the study were biologically related to either of the parents, then it wouldn't necessarily prove the nature or nurture debate.. I'm not saying a homosexual person is more likely to have a homosexual child than a heterosexual person is, but how many studies have actually been done on this?

My paternal uncle, who I have never met, is asexual. And I was raised by my step-father and my mother, not my biological father. My biological dad didn't tell my about my uncles asexuality until after I had told dad I was asexual... This is probably just a completely random coincidence, but maybe my asexuality could also be some random gene coming into play? And if this was the case, maybe it could also be the same with homosexuals.. if someone has a homosexual relative, maybe they have a higher chance of being born wired for homosexuality or bisexuality?

Anyway maybe the links did clearly specify that all the children in the studies were all adopted and in no way biologically related to the parents, I was skim reading and could have missed that!

EDIT: just for clarification, when I say homosexual couples can have biological children, I don't mean with each other, I mean a lesbian can grow a baby from a sperm donor, and a gay man can have a surrogate mother for his sperm. However I have no idea how many homosexual couples actually do this, as opposed to adoption?

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I also have to say quickly re. nature vs. nurture, asexuality has actually been proven (through scientific research) to occur in non-human animals!!

I don't have time to rewrite it all now, and haven't done any more research since I made this last post, but i'll copy and paste a comment I made in another thread about asexuality in animals, for anyone here who is interested :)

http://www.kristinag...-human-animals/ based on the results discussed in this interesting article, asexuality occurs naturally in 2-3% of male rats, and 12.5-18.5% of male rams!

Initially I thought "well how can you tell of an animal is asexual? you can't ask it?!" but the studies showed that some animals, regardless of the level of testosterone they have, just showed no interest in having sex with either male or female animals, and there was no apparent reason to this. The researchers also couldn't change the animals lack of interest in sex by adding more testosterone into their systems. Although I feel bad for animals being subjected to cruelty for the sake of science (some of the sexually active animals in the study were castrated to see if that changed their level in sexual interest, it didn't) I was still intrigued by what to me, are a very interesting set of results, and I am looking forward to doing more research on the subject!! How can anyone keep telling us we are just depressed or sexually traumatized or insecure about our looks (as opposed to being asexual) when asexuality occurs naturally in animals of varied species? Maybe asexual animals are just depressed and insecure about their looks too? lol

EDIT: And these animals were not raised in strict, sexually oppressive homes, just to be clear :o

Anyway, I am now completely fascinated by the idea of naturally occurring Asexuality in non-human animals and am looking forward to thoroughly researching this topic. Hopefully I'll find the time to write an essay (or a few essays!) about my findings and opinions.. I love essays :wub:

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butterscotchwm

A lot of people here are saying that they are ace and their siblings are not, which may sound like a good indication that asexuality is nature and not nurture. However I do not think that is a sure-fire way of proving that asexuality, in general, is nature, because there ARE homosexual siblings and such. I understand that many asexuals, by looking at their own lives, do not beleive they were brought up that way, and I am one of those people.

However, I also am a little curious as to whether or not my two younger siblings are also asexual. One's 20 (brother) and the other is 16 (sister). They're both plenty old enough to be sexually interested in other people. However, just like me, they just aren't. In fact, they both seem to be very sex repulsed. My brother didn't even know, until recently, that women have pubic hair :) So I guess one day my sister told him, and then I got to hear the story of how mortified he was at the idea of hair being over the vagina. My brother has also said things that made me smile. Such as: "Woowww so he stuck his dick inside of her. GOOD FOR FUCKING HIM." *sarcastic clapping* And also, "Uh, the reason why I'm not interseted in it (sex) is because it sounds fucking GROSS and HAIRY." My sister, on the other hand, is just as repulsed, and she's mentioned that she absolutely cannot stand looking at a man's body below the waist, and she doesn't even care about the torso area, either. She just likes guys with cute faces. She's also announced to the entire family that she NEVER wants to get married or have kids.

My parents would probably say that it's a good thing we aren't interested in sex because we're "too young, and we're busy with school anyways", but ~WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT~, we will be totally interested in getting married and making babies. I, for one, am so much more favorable of the idea of us being a team of brother-sister flaming asexuals who are absolutely repulsed by sex and never want to get married and have kids.

Fuck da police. (figuratively speaking.)

So in conclusion! No, I'm not %100 certain that my siblings are also ace (because they could be heterosexual and sexually repulsed), however, if they ARE, then that dispells any reasoning that just because you have siblings who aren't like you, that means you were born asexual and weren't influenced that way. But still, I feel totally fine about being asexual whether I was influenced or not.

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@ butterscotchwm: I don't think it dispels other people's reasoning at all just because *you* are (possibly) a family of asexuals :P

What it may very well prove is that asexuality *is* genetic (in your case) and has nothing to with upbringing? or that (in your case) your upbringing somehow caused you all to be asexual and/or evidently extremely sex repulsed (remember sex repulsion is not a pre-requisite for asexuality, many asexuals are very sex-positive, genital-positive, body-positive.. you guys all seem to have got a heavy dose of repulsion from somewhere, that is clear!)

But it doesn't disprove anyone else's theory about the origins their own asexuality :) :cake:

EDIT: I will say that I believe personally sex repulsion is a learned behavior, not something one is born with. So sex repulsion, genital repulsion,body repulsion.. in my opinion, are very much a nurture thing and not a nature thing. Asexuality is separate from sex-repulsion, though they do often come together for many people! :)

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I've always been asexual, but I only turned sex-repulsed after having had sex for many decades. The sex repulsion was a result of too many times of trying to be an accommodating partner; the asexuality was innate.

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butterscotchwm

@ butterscotchwm: I don't think it dispels other people's reasoning at all just because *you* are (possibly) a family of asexuals :P

What it may very well prove is that asexuality *is* genetic (in your case) and has nothing to with upbringing? or that (in your case) your upbringing somehow caused you all to be asexual and/or evidently extremely sex repulsed (remember sex repulsion is not a pre-requisite for asexuality, many asexuals are very sex-positive, genital-positive, body-positive.. you guys all seem to have got a heavy dose of repulsion from somewhere, that is clear!)

But it doesn't disprove anyone else's theory about the origins their own asexuality :) :cake:

EDIT: I will say that I believe personally sex repulsion is a learned behavior, not something one is born with. So sex repulsion, genital repulsion,body repulsion.. in my opinion, are very much a nurture thing and not a nature thing. Asexuality is separate from sex-repulsion, though they do often come together for many people! :)

Hmm, I see your point. I'm not saying that it dispels anything, all I'm saying is that there could be another explanation aside from that. Or no explanation at all! I mean, since when do we need to explain why we are or aren't attracted to people? ^^

And you're right. I mentioned that I DO know the difference between asexuality and sex repulsion, however many asexuals tend to be sex repulsed. The sex repulsion is something I know about my siblings, but their sexuality is something that only they can idenitfy.

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There's a big difference between sexual dislike and repulsion.

Seems that a lot of so called sex-positive asexuals :wacko: automatically assume sex-negative asexuals are sexually repulsed when they simply have a dislike/aversion for sexual activity.

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Beyourownspotlight

I don't think my upbringing had much influence on me being ace.

My mum and dad never 'shielded' me from sex. I knew from a young age where babies came from, and how they came to be. I was a big reader as a child, and I was fascinated with the human body (still am), and I used to look at my dad's old medical textbooks, and they bought me lots of books with language I could understand as stepping stones.

I loved watching telly with my mum as a kid, and I watched whatever she put on (I also loved tom and jerry), and I was never embarrassed about sex scenes, and my parents never seemed embarrassed so I didn't bother. My mum loves to tell the story about the time I was a young child watching a graphic scene of a birth on telly, and my gran horrified changed the channel, and my only reaction was 'change it back, I was watching'.

Neither of my parents raised me to be embarrassed about bodies, or sex. And when my cousin was born, when I was nine, they were very open with me, and my cousin (the baby was my cousins baby-- confusing much?) who had the baby let me sit in while she was breast feeding, and nothing was hidden from me, they taught me with respect and let me ask questions and be curious.

I'm rambling, but I don't think that the way I was raised had much influence. I've seen countless bodies, male, female, of all ages (nurse/carer) and they don't embarrass me, or excite me. I just find bodies fascinating.

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