Confused and a bit lost.

[aceymcaceace]

Hi there.. I haven't been on these forums in a really long time and the main reason is because or the war I have with myself over my sexuality. For a really long time I felt no sexual attraction to anyone, whatsoever. I refered to myself as asexual without any doubt, but over the past two years I feel like things have changed.

I still don't see people I view as attractive in a sexual way. I feel no need to take care of myself at all and even sex itself is a rough topic for me.. But me and my boyfriend have been together for two years now and there are times where sexual feelings develop and I don't know what to do with them. We have been sleeping together, but it just feels strange. I feel like I'm doing it in the hope that one day I can pick a side on how I really feel about it, not because I enjoy it. The feelings are undeniable, however. No matter how rare they are.

I've been told by a lot of people not to label myself. To just let what I feel come to me naturally, but I felt comfortable within my label. I was asexual and that was okay but now I don't know what I am and that terrifies me.

I don't know why I'm making this.. I guess I don't really have anyone to talk to about this outside of here that might understand where I'm coming from. Has anyone else struggled with this? Can anyone tell me what they did?

Thank you.

[yellow]

Hi! I feel like my romantic attraction and level of asexuality has fluctuated some over the years, especially when I was in a relationship. It was always confusing to think or feel something that conflicted with what I knew about myself. Maybe I realized over time that for me, it was ok to change though? I guess I gave myself permission to move in directions that felt true to me while allowing for whatever felt natural. I still don't have labels for all of the parts of my romantic attraction but I'm ok with that. It's taken a long time for me to be able to say that. Maybe be patient with yourself and know that understanding and clarity will come when the time is right? Best wishes to you! PS I've also realized its ok to label myself as someone still questioning or trying to figure it out :)

[Archon]

It sounds like you don't generally experience sexual attraction except for once in a while? If you feel sexual attraction rarely, you might be gray-asexual. Demisexuality would fall into that category and it may apply here but it's hard to say if this the only person you've been attracted to.

Some people are more comfortable with a label, others are more comfortable without. yellow is definitely right and it's okay to change. Also, if being ace makes you feel comfortable then you can still call yourself that even if you experience sexual attraction once in a blue moon because gray-aces are still aces.

[kelico]

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction can sometimes fluctuate and change, and there's nothing wrong with that! Life can be confusing...and labels don't always account for every varying feeling. But I think that gray-ace or demisexual might work for you. : ) And they're both in the asexual spectrum. But it is always up to you and what you're comfortable with. If you feel that asexual is best for you, then stick with it! Cause really, no one can tell you who you are but yourself. I think you're still ace even if you feel sexual attraction on a very fleeting basis...like Archon said, "you can still call yourself that even if you experience sexual attraction once in a blue moon because gray-aces are still aces."

Best wishes! : )

[aceymcaceace]

Thank you! I guess it is a bit silly to have some existential crisis because I feel mild sexual attraction toward my partner once ever few months.. Sexuality isn't quite as black and white for me as I hoped it was, but looking into it I really connect with grey asexuality at the moment. Thank you all for your wonderful advice! :)