jay96 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 ah yes hello. i think i might be asexual, but im still pretty unsure. so i just thought i would raise some of my questions here in hopes of some help understanding this. i've never had a relationship, and i therefore don't know if im asexual, demi or just havent found someone i like yet. does that mean i cant identify as asexual? i also do masturbate sometime, but its not something i need really. i just decide to do it, and then i do it. its kinda hard to explain, but its like my body reacts like it's supposed to, but im just kinda bored when masturbating. is that a sign that im asexual? what if it turns out later in life that im not asexual? like, can i just "change" my sexuality? i mean, i know you can do that, but i would just feel pretty bad for saying im something that im not, but i still want to "label" my sexuality (idk why, i just like to label myself huehue). i appreciate all responses! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skwid Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Hello, welcome to AVEN! (A)sexuality is a very confusing thing for many. But it all just depends on how you FEEL. Do you feel sexual attraction towards others? If not, you're probably asexual. Masturbating does not determine asexuality. Some do it, some don't. Whether or not you've dated does not determine asexuality. That's the same as others saying "you don't know until you've had sex!" You simply know how you feel. It's not something anybody can look at you and say "well this shows you are/are not asexual." It's all a matter of what you think you are, and how you feel. If you have any questions feel free to ask! I'll gladly try to help out (as well as the rest of the community)! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wyrdwyrm Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Welcome! Really, feel free to use the label that you think makes the most sense to you - there's no need for you to 'prove' anything to call yourself asexual if that's what you want to do, and there's no reason you can't use a different label later in life when you find one that suits you better. Like Skwid said, asexuality just describes having no sexual attraction towards other people (which is different than romantic attraction - think lust vs love). If that seems to describe you, go ahead and try the label on for size. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Welcome! You'll find lots of supportive people and information here that will hopefully help you on your journey :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 i've never had a relationship, and i therefore don't know if im asexual, demi or just havent found someone i like yet. does that mean i cant identify as asexual? Hi, Jay96. Welcome to AVEN and the Q&A forum! To answer your question, you can identify any way you wish. There is no rule saying that you can't use the label because you're "unsure", and who would we be to say what you are/aren't? Generally speaking, we try to avoid putting people in boxes, and so we offer information and our own experiences and let you be the one to decide what label, if any, you are comfortable using. :) i also do masturbate sometime, but its not something i need really. i just decide to do it, and then i do it. its kinda hard to explain, but its like my body reacts like it's supposed to, but im just kinda bored when masturbating. is that a sign that im asexual? I don't know about "signs" but we don't generally go off on behavior to say yay or nay when considering orientation. That is usually discouraged within the community, as it can become a bit of a slippery slope. As Skwid mentioned, some asexuals masturbate and some do not. Some people use it for stress relief. Unless there is a medical reason (or something otherwise stated) the body parts still work. what if it turns out later in life that im not asexual? like, can i just "change" my sexuality? i mean, i know you can do that, but i would just feel pretty bad for saying im something that im not, but i still want to "label" my sexuality (idk why, i just like to label myself huehue). I understand the hesitation; especially when you really want to understand yourself and who you are, even if using a label that may not feel 100% accurate. But sexuality is pretty complex to discuss, much less figure out. Who you are today, isn't the same person you were years ago, so it's only natural to expect some growth and evolution in how you identify. You may or may not come across labels that you feel more comfortable with or which suit you better than "asexual". If/when that time comes, you shouldn't feel guilty about it, because it is your truth. Your life. Give yourself some breathing room, and take time to read, learn, connect and figure things out. AVEN is a place where people interested in learning or talking to others about asexuality/asexuality vis-ed can do so and share their experiences. The membership is made up of a variety of orientations and identities. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amedot Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Welcome to AVEN The great thing about labels is that we, humans, invented them. We invented labels to fit us; we aren't supposed to fit ourselves into labels. This means that labels don't explain every little bit about us, but they can give us identity and validity in our experiences. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... If you read the AVEN FAQ and read through definitions on sexual and romantic orientations, you can decide if any labels describe you in some way. I think people are always self discovering, too. Like, I don't know if I'm demi- or not, and I have had multiple sex partners and one romantic relationship! I don't think you need to have physical experience to validate your identity. Just like how people can know if they're gay even if they are married to another gender, people can know they are asexual or sexual if they've never had sex. If you are curious and want to explore physically, you are welcome to without discrimination or prejudice (I urge you to do so safely if so, because we care about your health). If you never want to engage in sexual acts, you are welcome to and will always be supported in your identity. You didn't mention your age but you did mention growing up. It doesn't matter what age you are... if you identify as something, then later realize you no longer fit that identity you are allowed to change your label. Personally I believe orientations and gender identity can be fluid, more so with some people than others. For example, I find my sexual orientation has always been asexual, but I have been different shades of grey-asexual, and my romantic orientation is very fluid, and my aesthetic attractions are very broad but mostly involve women and nb. All very confusing, and I'm always learning more stuff about myself. I just call myself an asexual, or ace, to sum it all up in one umbrella term. It's a good label and it represents who I am in that respect. There are people who aren't fluid at all, and that's okay and perfectly normal too. Everyone is different. Nice to have you here, I hope you find AVEN helpful and welcoming :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 the only good reason to label yourselves in my opinion is that it is useful to you in some way to do so. No one else can tell you what label fits you. Chosing to label yourself a certain way shouldn't be a source of anguish and agony and and you should always bear in mind that if you label yourself a certain way because it feels right, and sometime in the future it stops feeling right, there is nothing stopping you from changing the label. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.