Confused and Don't Know

[EquestrianGirl94]

So um, I don't know how to say this but I have recently begun considering the possibility that I am asexual. I have always been committed to staying a virgin until I was married due to my religious upbringing. Recently though, I've been thinking over the past relationship I personally had and others that I have observed and I am not sure what to think. So here's my best attempt and if anyone has advice please share it with me.

I am almost 20 years old and have only had one boyfriend in my life during my senior year of high school. I rejected him trying to kiss me after we had been dating for about a week (at the time I based this on the fact that I thought he was going too fast), we dated for about 3 months before I broke it off due to feeling like he was too clingy. Since then I have not felt romantic attraction to any guy and looking back don't think I was romantically attracted to my ex-boyfriend.

The idea of having sex does not necessarily gross me out but it does make me nervous when I think about the day that my future husband and I will "do the deed". I don't feel attracted to people instantly and don't fantasize about anyone in that way. I do want to be a mom someday with a family of my own.

My college roommate has had her boyfriend over a few times this year and they do some of that stuff and I (obviously) feel uncomfortable when I am present for that. Does any of this constitute me as asexual or am I just an inexperienced virgin who is overreacting to normal apprehensions and awkward situations?

[Amy Ghost]

It depends on what you feel. Have you ever felt sexually attracted to someone, and think you might be? And do you think you could be in a romantic relationship? These you have to answer for yourself.

And it doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not. That doesn't say anything about you. I am a virgin too, and I'm pretty sure I am who I am.

[Zapstileon]

As Ghosting said, being a virgin doesn't matter. You feel how you feel, regardless. I encourage you to read up on asexuality and have a read around different threads here. See if any of what other people say resonates with you. If it feels right, it probably is right. :) Being nervous about sex in itself does not make you asexual. I think most girls feel a little nervous about that because there is so much stigma around the loss of virginity. I actually have a great source for you if you are interested in this. Youtuber Laci Green explains a lot of things involving sex and gender and sexuality and such, so you might want to check her out.

There is a plethora of romantic and sexual orientations out there, so really, do have a look around and see what sounds right to you. And don't hesitate to ask questions if you have them! There are some really friendly people on here.

Enjoy your journey, and I hope you find your answers.

[Starry Night]

Hmmm... well, the generally accepted definition of asexuality around here is the inability to experience sexual attraction... although, after some consideration I decided that I thought it was more along the lines of, the lack of desire to have sex. There are multiple types of asexuality, and it seems that a bit of it is pretty subjective. It's hard to say. Do you think you've been sexually attracted to anyone? Do you think you would want to have sex with someone? You say it makes you nervous.... I could be wrong, but I think some nervousness could be normal. For the most part, I think asexuality is about the lack of desire for or the repulsion by sex.

Also, that's great if you want to be a mom. That, I don't think, has much of anything to do with your sexuality. You just want to be a mom :)

I really don't know. This is sort of just something you have to figure out. It's about how you feel inside. I do wish you the best, and hope that you find your answers.