wait...what? Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 There may be a better place for this, but I haven't found one yet, so I place myself at the mercy of our moderator for help if there's a topic already matching this one! I just clued into something funny today. That carried away “heat of the moment” thing that you hear about around the act of sex? (Remember the song from the 80s?) I just realized that it might actually might be a real thing that sexuals experience! I always thought it was just a poetic expression or something... all those times I'd hear friends talk about “something coming over” them I was so completely puzzled. Maybe there really is this physical impulse towards it for some people after all? This idea that it was actually possible came to me just now as the flipside of what I was mentally chewing on. I was in the middle of this huge insight into how I used to make the positive choice to engage in sex with someone and remembering how it was entirely analytical and cerebral. (This was back when I thought that sex was how it was “supposed” to work in a romantic relationship and in order to have emotional intimacy I was required to participate in sex.) Honestly, if the factors that I was evaluating weren't so warm and heart centered, I'd consider myself and my method totally cold. I'd actually consciously evaluate a potential partner's character, heart feel, sensitivity/kindness, over all good-person vibe, my own level of emotional loving/caring towards them – and then rationally decide without any physical urge or input if I would choose to engage in sex with them. There was never a physical thing that took over. (As I read what I'm saying here, I am beyond flabbergasted that I didn't fully clue in that I was actually asexual until I was 33!) Hrm, just wanted to share my moment I guess! Might be interesting to hear the process of how other aces who make a positive choice to engage in sex with a sexual partner do that? Link to post Share on other sites
wait...what? Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sigh. the safety on my enter key was off I think. I slipped and missed finishing my topic title! I was calling it something like "the heat of the moment concept"... I think. and I didn't get to sign off with a happy "Be well!" or something. Anyone know how to install a safety on the enter key? lol Be well everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
h_langley Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This is one of the contributing things that made me come to the conclusion that I was in the ace spectrum. I used to get so annoyed when people blamed their sexual mistakes on the heat of the moment. It was like, "WTF JUST DONT SCREW! HOW HARD IS THAT, DUMBASS!?" XD I must admit it still annoys me a little bit, but I try to be understanding. I'd like to see a study on how aces handle infidelity in their partners vs sexuals. Like, would we be more or less likely to forgive them because we don't feel that uncontrollable urge (although libidoist aces might. That might be another interesting study). Link to post Share on other sites
Deleted Person Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I think it's a real thing, but since it's something I've never experience I don't really understand it... although I don't think it's an excuse to be stupid, not use birth control, cheat etc. I don't know how hard it is to escape it, but the person still allowed themselves to get into that situation in the first place so they're guilty in my mind (ie, don't tempt yourself if you think you can't handle it). I also think it's why I'll probably never have sex because even if I got close enough to someone I think I'd end up just over thinking or over analysing the situation and deciding nah. xD Link to post Share on other sites
. . .but there are sounds Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 At parties, I have seen people do all kinds of things they wouldn't normally do because of "the moment." This has included things like trying a drug they hadn't used before or climb a stupidly tall tree. Why shouldn't it include sex. Even without the drives present in most people towards sexual acts, pure hedonistic impulse is good enough to do things "in the moment." Link to post Share on other sites
Star Inkbright Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I only recently realised I was asexual, and now I'm thinking I might be aromantic too, because I don't have crushes. But anyway, when I first discovered about asexuality, I realised that random sexual/romantic attraction DID exist and no, every piece of media everywhere had NOT been exaggerating, and I was just like "Why has no one TOLD me????" :PSo with that realised, yes, I think heat-of-the-moment DOES exist. Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I understand the heat of the moment... I really only get the urge to sleep with someone if I'm already making out with them. Not every time, but I do get it. Hence why I think I'm grey/demi. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Oh wow! Thanks for making this thread! I have always wondered this myself. It should've been the asexual tipoff for me. Everyone always talked about it like, "oh, you're with some cute young thing, making out, and then you just get caught up in the moment and it just happens" was always my reaction of course. Like, wtf do you mean it "just happens"? To this day I still don't believe you can get caught up like that. Is it because I've never been in the position to? You're certainly welcome to suggest that, but unless it's orders of magnitude more exciting and pleasurable than *ahem* self pleasure, I don't see how you can just get "caught up in the moment". I've never been so caught up in self pleasure that I couldn't stop and be like, "oh, you know what, I'm kind of hungry right now". Link to post Share on other sites
Neurula Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I love "Heat of the Moment." I like it just for the tune, not the content really. Now that I think about it, is it about him cheating out of the heat of the moment? I've never doubted "heat of the moment" was a real thing since it's such a common thing for characters in TV shows/movies. Coincidentally, I've been thinking about this concept for the past week or so after seeing a scene on How to Get Away with Murder. I know it's just a silly show but I'm still analyzing what happened. Uh wtf how did they just start passionately kissing like that and rubbing each other when they seemed angry 2 seconds earlier? Here's the clip, you can start around 2:00. The two characters are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend but associates. The woman has a boyfriend. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om1yRNIfGtA I've seen this play out on screen a million times but maybe I'm thinking about this scene from an asexual standpoint. Or maybe the acting was just so bad it took me out of the scene lol. Link to post Share on other sites
wait...what? Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I just laughed with so much relief and joy reading all of your posts you guys! Thanks for replying!! It really just came home how very much I've always stood a little to the side and wondered what on earth was going on about this stuff... and there really are other people that have been just as puzzled too! Ok, let's see how this "multi quote thing goes". This is my first multi ever, so I may need to be super careful of my happy enter key here... ;) This is one of the contributing things that made me come to the conclusion that I was in the ace spectrum. I used to get so annoyed when people blamed their sexual mistakes on the heat of the moment. It was like, "WTF JUST DONT SCREW! HOW HARD IS THAT, DUMBASS!?" XD I must admit it still annoys me a little bit, but I try to be understanding.I'd like to see a study on how aces handle infidelity in their partners vs sexuals. Like, would we be more or less likely to forgive them because we don't feel that uncontrollable urge (although libidoist aces might. That might be another interesting study). I used to get rather annoyed too to be honest - it seemed like such a simple concept to me! Even though I have a bit of the biological libido, still no "heat of the moment" ever. I'd be curious about the study too though since we exist on such a diverse spectrum. Oh wow! Thanks for making this thread! I have always wondered this myself. It should've been the asexual tipoff for me. Everyone always talked about it like, "oh, you're with some cute young thing, making out, and then you just get caught up in the moment and it just happens" was always my reaction of course. Like, wtf do you mean it "just happens"? To this day I still don't believe you can get caught up like that. Is it because I've never been in the position to? You're certainly welcome to suggest that, but unless it's orders of magnitude more exciting and pleasurable than *ahem* self pleasure, I don't see how you can just get "caught up in the moment". I've never been so caught up in self pleasure that I couldn't stop and be like, "oh, you know what, I'm kind of hungry right now". Oh my, the number of sideways confused looks I've given people over the years about this very thing! Yep, with you about the hungry (or whatever it might be) thought. It's just never been an overriding sensation. It's nice enough, but "nice" is all I can say about it. Oh my - I expressed that to an ex once... he looked like he'd just been told that motorcycles ate hay! (insert any absolutely confusing and impossible picture you can think of for there!) I love "Heat of the Moment." I like it just for the tune, not the content really. Now that I think about it, is it about him cheating out of the heat of the moment? Yeah, same sentiment exactly. Great tune... always annoyed with the guy singing about cheating. Wow, have I never understood cheating. Well, now I'm having fun exploring this stuff for sure! I may have to go ask my sexual friends what the heck they have always meant by the word "sexy". I know for sure I've never understood that one either! Can you just hear me asking? "Hey, so for the last 15 years I've been trying to figure out what you mean by the word 'sexy'. I finally give. What on earth are you talking about????" :D Link to post Share on other sites
Amokima Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I love "Heat of the Moment." I like it just for the tune, not the content really. Now that I think about it, is it about him cheating out of the heat of the moment? I've never doubted "heat of the moment" was a real thing since it's such a common thing for characters in TV shows/movies. Coincidentally, I've been thinking about this concept for the past week or so after seeing a scene on How to Get Away with Murder. I know it's just a silly show but I'm still analyzing what happened. Uh wtf how did they just start passionately kissing like that and rubbing each other when they seemed angry 2 seconds earlier? Yup. If TV has taught us anything, it's don't have heated, passionate arguments with someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay), 'cause you'll just end up sucking face or more. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
tarutaru Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hahahaha. Yeah, stuff "just happens". Ridiculous, right? Aparently not... Link to post Share on other sites
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