leopardzombie Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I have been single for almost three years, and it hasn't really started to bother me until now. The holidays usually make it that much harder for me, though. I live alone, minus my two cats, and I've been feeling really blue. Being asexual makes it that much harder to find a boyfriend because a lot of men basically expect sex already, even if you're just dating! NOPE! Even before I was asexual, I didn't sleep with someone until I was in a relationship with them for a while. Now that I am asexual, I feel like it's going to be a real challenge to find someone to accept me for who I am. I live in a rural area, too, so yeah...it's hard enough finding people to date as it is. I've tried online dating (even the ace websites) and have had no luck there. POF, ok cupid, and tinder are just....gross. Filthy. I ended up deleting my account. I am too old to be single! All of my friends are married now (just about) and I feel like time is running out. I'm 26 btw. Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Hello! I agree that finding a suitable partner is extremely challenging :( I've also tried the dating sites (asexual and mainstream) with no success. It is kinda depressing but I try to just focus on the friends I have, the relatives I actually like, my work, my hobbies, bettering myself, etc. If I focus too much on being single when all of my friends are married, then I do start to wonder 'why me' and feel pretty down on myself. There's no magic age for anything anymore, so make the most of your talents and interests and hopefully along the way you'll meet someone who's compatible with you :) Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Ahem, you're never too old to be single :P Better single than in bad company Don't worry too much about it, rotten luck does turn around eventually Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Hey, I'm 26, and I've never been in a relationship at all. Agreed about mainstream dating sites, they're a total shit show. I had mild success a few years ago, so I keep going back despite depressing (read: none) experiences since. I live in a rural area too, so I share your feels :( Looks like you're in North Carolina. How close are you to Asheville? I've known a few people from there who say it's a really hoppin' place. Not sure there's anything I can say that would make you feel better. If there was, I'd have already said it to myself. I guess I kind of have "Plan B" in my back pocket. If things really look like they're never going to go anywhere, I take all my money, buy either a 1986 Toyota MR2 AW11 or a 1978 Alfa Romeo Spider, fill the tank and just drive until it's empty and go from there. Life's too short to feel down on yourself for not being in a relationship, or being more alone moreso than others. I'm starting to realize just how much those pressures aren't even innate within myself, but actually crammed in my face by society. Not saying I don't want a relationship, I'd love it, but sometimes I feel like I have to take the hint. I don't like people telling me "things will get better" or "things will change" or "you'll get your chance" because my experience has been anything but. So I'll just say that I'm here, and you're not alone in how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
ayarose Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I understand how you feel. It's something I think about from time to time myself. I just try not to dwell on these thoughts too much when they pop up (easier said than done, I know.) Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 If you're 26, and you don't get hit by a bus in the next week, you'll likely have another 50 years in which to meet someone for a relationship. I'm not telling you "things will get better"; I'm telling you you're too young to give up about not meeting someone appropriate for you. In the meantime, do the things you might not be able to do with a partner. Believe me, having a partner tends to limit one's freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
mari Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I have been single for almost three years, and it hasn't really started to bother me until now. The holidays usually make it that much harder for me, though. I live alone, minus my two cats, and I've been feeling really blue. Being asexual makes it that much harder to find a boyfriend because a lot of men basically expect sex already, even if you're just dating! NOPE! Even before I was asexual, I didn't sleep with someone until I was in a relationship with them for a while. Now that I am asexual, I feel like it's going to be a real challenge to find someone to accept me for who I am. I live in a rural area, too, so yeah...it's hard enough finding people to date as it is. I've tried online dating (even the ace websites) and have had no luck there. POF, ok cupid, and tinder are just....gross. Filthy. I ended up deleting my account. I am too old to be single! All of my friends are married now (just about) and I feel like time is running out. I'm 26 btw. Same here. Is too sad :( Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Learn to draw with a right brain hemisphere. It will make your left brain hemisphere (verbal) to shut up about all these things which are depressive for you. There´s only one problem with it - if you draw for too long, your hand strats to hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
b88 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I'm 26 too, and it can be disheartening seeing all your friends getting married but know that there is no time limit on love! It is definitely harder to find someone being ace, but fretting about it won't improve your odds - it'll only drag your mood down :) I'd keep an open mind but don't focus on it - focus instead on doing all of the other things that you want to do (that might be more difficult if you had to factor in a partner) ^^When I do try to date I tend to tell people fairly early on - not just for their sake but so that I don't get too emotionally involved only for them to turn around and be like 'oh... guess we'd better just be friends then' (as happened last time ;_;'') Link to post Share on other sites
lyricsarepoetry Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I'm younger than this, but I've been feeling the same since I realised I'm asexual. For me the idea of being single in the short term isn't really a problem. I've been single for around a year now and I'm not really in a rush to find a relationship. But what scares me if the idea of getting to like retirement and not having someone with me then. And I get that I am far too young to be worrying about these things, but I've never even spoken to someone irl who is also Ace so it just feels unlikely that I'll find someone who is... :/ Hmm Link to post Share on other sites
leopardzombie Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thank you everyone for the positive words :) I am in school and I work, so I am pretty busy with that. I try to focus on that and also the positive things. It just sucks sometimes. Hey, I'm 26, and I've never been in a relationship at all. Agreed about mainstream dating sites, they're a total shit show. I had mild success a few years ago, so I keep going back despite depressing (read: none) experiences since. I live in a rural area too, so I share your feels :( Looks like you're in North Carolina. How close are you to Asheville? I've known a few people from there who say it's a really hoppin' place. I'm about six hours away from Asheville. I'd love to stay there, but then again, I'm a beach girl more than a mountains girl. There are a lot of libertarians there, though, which I would find myself right at home! I'd love to move to Raleigh, but I can't find a job there, as much as I've applied to places. I guess I'm stuck here for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
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