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People coming onto me… so uncomfortable


MeriKarhu

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I want to start off by saying I'm not an attention-seeker or trying to show off or brag about getting hit on. I am genuinely uncomfortable with something that has been happening...

I don't know if it's because I'm asexual or demi-romantic or if it's just my nature, but I don't always catch on right away to romantic overtures. Most of the time, I think people are just being friendly. Over the past four months, three of my male classmates have made comments like, "It's not everyday you find someone beautiful, sexy, and smart," and "You have really pretty eyes." I'm not that oblivious--after that, I became uncomfortably aware that people are trying to come onto me.

These comments are making my skin crawl. They're being really direct and almost aggressive with their intentions around me. I told one of the guys that "I don't really do relationships," and that seemed to get him to calm down. He's still overly complimentary, but it's gone back to where I can't tell if he's still pursuing me or if he's just being nice. To clarify, these are friendly people. I'm not talking about creepy stalkers. These are people I would like to be friends with…

I'm terrible at confrontation, so I'm hesitant to tell them to back off. But that's not really why I'm posting this. The point of this post is to ask if anyone else feels the same way? Is anyone else really uncomfortable with or repulsed by flirtation?

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I don't think so. It absolutely terrifies me. I was homeschooled growing up, so I didn't have quite as many encounters as it sounds like you are having (I just started college), but the few times I did during high-school? I felt absolutely terrified. Turning someone down like that just feels so painful. I'm very uncomfortable about people coming onto me. On one hand, I'm quite flattered, but on the other hand. . .just leave.

I definitely don't think this is an unusual feeling, at all.

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Sometimes I feel the same way, it depends on who the person is though. If I've known them for a while and I genuinely care for that person it isn't so bad for me. But if it isn't, I tend to cut it off quickly by thanking them and moving on.

Its more difficult when I get strangers staring at me or checking me out in public. I feel repulsed and find it extremely uncomfortable and degrading for some reason. I want to stab their eyes out with a fork. I dress modestly but just recently there was a guy on the train who kept starring at my legs and chest. I wanted to cry my eyes out at that moment. It made me feel horrible.

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If the compliment comes from a friend, I could react well or not. But if somebody I don't even know well finds me attractive (even in a non-sexual, purely romantic way), without really knowing who I am... That's just creepy. I don't get purely physical attraction. I don't get it at all.

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I feel uncomfortable when others like me romantically and/or sexually, especially if I don't reciprocate the feelings. As far as giving compliments to others, I like to give compliments, however, sometimes I don't because I'm afraid the other person might think I'm "coming on" to them!

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Truth and Lies

Seeing as I have never experienced such a thing, I am not sure how I would react. I may be a bit uncomfortable, especially if it is someone I do not know well.

Of course, I have been guilty of complimenting someone's eyes purely because I was just voicing my thoughts with absolutely no strings attached or anything (and hey, I had never seen a person with green eyes before!), but still when I went home and it came up in a conversation with my family, I was told that I was flirting. Uh huh. No. :mellow:

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Emerald Green

Ugh, I hate it. I haven't had anyone tell me I'm sexy, but I think I'd find that pretty disturbing. Other compliments are just awkward because they aren't direct enough for me to tell them I'm not interested. :mellow:

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I used to have panic attacks when men would hit on me. I still freeze and freak out a little on the inside when I'm not expecting it. If you aren't used to it, and you don't expect it, and especially if you aren't wired to have that kind of thinking, it's anywhere from terrifying to uncomfortable.

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Absolutely, I get real quiet and panicked and when the situation is over I'm still scared and I avoid as many people as possible, eye contact included. My GF though, most of the time her flirtation is okay and when a friend or family member says something complimentary its okay. Still panic a little, but not to the point of crawling under a rock.

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I feel absolutely suffocated when i am flirted with, like i am being slowly snuffed out with an invisible pillow and I'm watching the whole trainwreck from above and can't do anything about it. I've gotten pretty good now and shutting people down before they start, speaking in clipped words, arms crossed. Not being rude just not being open lol

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I am super embarrassed by compliments. I just don't know how to respond. But flirting is even worse -- it makes me so mad, especially when other people assume I "like" that person back. Soooo annoying. I casually try to ignore the flirting, because I figure that sooner or later they'll get the message. I wish I wasn't so polite sometimes...

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Ahhh I can't stand flirting (although usually flirting flies over my head unless it's really direct). When I do know I'm being flirted with I want to hide and never be seen again.

My past boyfriend would always describe me as 'hot' and stuff and I really wanted to kick him in the face and jump out the window.

But the worst kind of flirting is when you're simply walking to the store and someone whistles at you, or honks their car horn (and when you turn around they do the eyebrow thing). When I have complained about it on other sites people told me to feel good about it because people find me pretty. All it makes me want to do is punch people or run away.

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I think most people are uncomfortable with unwanted romantic/sexual advances. Most straight people are uncomfortable if someone of the same sex starts flirting with them. Since aces don't want those advances from anyone, it stands to reason that aces would be uncomfortable if people flirt with them.

This is a generalization, of course. Like everything, people's tolerance of advances vary.

Personally, I don't like being flirted with, but, I don't usually notice it anyways. And when I am told later, I feel like crawling into a hole under a rock and hide for a few days.

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I'd like to add that I enjoy flirting when I'm romantically attracted to someone. Otherwise, it's awkward and uncomfortable.

Also, I don't view "being friendly" as synonymous with "being flirty." I'm a very friendly, outgoing, talkative, extraverted person and some people think talking and enjoying a conversation with someone of the opposite sex is "being flirty," however, the same behavior in the context of a same sex situation is often viewed as not "being flirty" by those same people.

I don't consider it "being flirty" unless it's intentional and I don't intentionally flirt unless I have romantic feelings for someone.

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I've had some things like that happen to me too, and my usual excuse would almost always be just like yours: "Sorry, I don't really do relationships." However, one time I was met with an unusally uncomfortable reaction, somewhere along the lines of "Me neither, but I'm always up for some fun." I just laughed it off and it sort of offened the guy. Maybe you're better off telling them that you're lesbian? (It's a joke, it's a joke) But seriously, you're not the only one, so I hope that makes it a bit easier :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Its more difficult when I get strangers staring at me or checking me out in public. I feel repulsed and find it extremely uncomfortable and degrading for some reason. I want to stab their eyes out with a fork. I dress modestly but just recently there was a guy on the train who kept starring at my legs and chest. I wanted to cry my eyes out at that moment. It made me feel horrible.

This describes how I'm feeling perfectly. On the rare occasion I pick up on a customer checking me out, it's horrifying. Especially when they keep coming back on my shifts, trying to talk to me or just watching me work. The first time I was completely oblivious to it, the man tried to have me fired when he clued in to my disinterest. Managers kept telling me to think of it like a bad break up with a boyfriend, which just made the whole thing more baffling and upsetting and just ... ew. He could have been my father! The customer I'm dealing with now just makes me want to go on a violent rampage because the idea of someone even thinking about me in that way feels like a violation. Ignorance was bliss.

I don't understand the physical attraction mindset at all. It feels weird when people talk about celebrities that way, too.

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I see it as an invasion of my personal space when people come on to me, especially the ones who just cannot take a hint. I have nothing against sex or sexual people, but I can't understand why some people seem to be controlled by the bits between their legs, and try to impose their sexuality on people who are obviously not interested. I have been accused of being a sexual snob by this woman who just can't seem to understand that (1) I am not sexually interested in her and (2) that it is my right to not be sexually interested in anyone if I want, even if it is because I am a sexual snob (which I am not).

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While I am flattered when someone compliments me or shows interest (if I am not to oblivious to notice) I also get uncomfortable and I don't know what to say. I usually just laugh it off.

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