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Relationships and desires- is this normal?


kmanning

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Heyo all,

This is my first time posting or really being an active member on the site. I guess I am here writing because I am curious about what other people (of all orientations) feels towards relationships?

I chose to identify with Gray-A because that feels right for me. I feel like I am straight but have been exploring more with same sex relations this year (just kissing). I have told some of my close friends about accepting myself as Gray-A. Naturally I got a lot of weird looks but once I explained everyone took it well.

I think the major difference and struggle for me in terms of my sexuality right now is the fact that all of my friends are in an extremely sexually driven place right now and I am not. I have been out of a relationship for over a year and a half (part of why we broke up was due to my lack of sexual desire/drive for him) and don't see myself dating anyone any time soon.

I see all of my friends getting excited and giddy about different men in our lives but whenever anyone shows that type of interest in me, my immediate response is to shut it down immediately. I usually attribute it to be very independent but I just wonder if this is ever something that will change/ I will get over at any point in my life?

Any feedback is great! Just confused and to be honest a little self conscious that I don't want to be in a relationship.

Cheers!

K

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There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship! though I understand that can be awkward when all ones friends are in them and actively exploring sexuality it when you are like "meep. no thanks!'.. I always felt like it was the whole world who was sexually driven and in sexually active relationships, not just my friends heh.

I gave up on the idea if relationships not because I don't want a partner, but because I didn't want the sex that I believed *all* people require to have satisfying romantic partnerships. I had tried to enjoy sex, for years, but it was just something I could never get into even though I have libido and do desire sensual and romantic contact (at the time this was all just a total jumble of feelings heh, it wasn't until I discovered asexuality, and began exploring it, that I was able to understand these things about myself). I figured I was just a broken sexual, and my choice was to force myself to do something I do not enjoy for the rest of my life, or remain single.

Anyway, while exploring my asexuality, I met my sensual ace partner completely by accident, in the AVEN chat room :p (I was in no way looking for a realtionship!)

So now I have a relationship that I am completely happy, satisfied and at peace in :) my partner and I are very sensual toward each other, and yes do experience sexual arousal aimed at each other etc, we just have no desire for actual partnered sex with each other, as that's not something either of us enjoy. (by partnered sex I mean genital stimulation with/by each other. I am not genital repulsed or anything, I just get nothing out of being stimulated by another person, even if I am aroused)

Anyway, just sayin - I know how it feels to be confused over all this. Not feeling sexually driven, not wanting a relationship etc.. blah! .. do you think you would enjoy a sensual or sexless relationship with an ace? or is it the relationship itself you want to avoid at present, as opposed to the intimate things you might to in a relationship? (because people can explore intimacy, sensuality, and sexuality without wanting or desiring an actual relationship of course) :)

:cake:!

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Thanks for responding. It makes me feel better and has definitely given me some things to think about. I have never thought about a relationship with an ace but would definitely consider it. It is hard to not be in a sexually driven place, and I am excited for my friends when they talk about guys. I think it would be nice for me to have a person in my life playing that supportive role but it is definitely the intimate things that make me squirm for lack of a better explanation. I just always thought it would be something that as I got older I would become more comfortable with and I haven't so far.

Do you mind me asking if you have ever noticed a change in your orientation or if you have always felt the way you do?

Sex isn't something that I have completely ruled out for myself, but just feel that it needs to be done with the right person at the right time. I am definitely afraid of being so vulnerable with someone.

k

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Sexuality and those kinds of feelings are fluid meaning it can change possibly. As for changing orientations ...been there done that.

Staight ---- Asexual ----Heteromantic ---- Grey romantic ---- Lithromantic ----Demisexual ---- Bisexual (fell for a girl when I was 19 for the first time) ---- back to being a Demiromantic Ace.

Relationships to me aren't anything special. I can live without one just fine cause I have more important stuff to do with my life.

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i also have no desire for partnered meaning intercourse. i would not mind engaging in oral sex again. i have not had any kind of partnered sex in about 3 years

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