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Aromantic but love romance?


sergeirach

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I'm now a terribly confused person... I think I'm not aromantic because I love reading romance novels and movies and want to be in a romantic relationship and dream about living happily ever after with my soulmate just like in the books. But I realised that my idea of a romantic relationship in reality seemed very platonic. I don't like holding hands, don't like kissing, dont' like hugging, don't like getting all sappy with my partner, don't like going on dates unless all we're going to do is have deep, intellectual conversations. All my previous dates were disasters because they are nothing like what is written in the books and all the time I just feel "wrong". I've had "crushes" but never wanted to date them though sometimes I wonder if I had crushes just tick that box in the checklist.

I'm just wondering if it's because I've not met the right person yet? I'm already 32 and am getting a little old in the asian culture to find a partner but I can't help wanting to have a epic romance. I think I might have been brainwashed by the media and am starting to believe that I might be aromantic instead but all the posts about aromantics features seem to say that they don't like romantic stuff so I'm confused.

Can you love romantic stuff and still be aromantic?

I apologise if the question seem a little stupid.

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It's not a stupid question at all. I'm very interested in seeing what aromantic people have to say about this. I used to wonder and even worry about being aromantic myself. I wanted a life partner and a romantic relationship, just like you, but I never seemed to meet anyone I could connect to in that way. Now I've met him and I love him in all kinds of sappy and romantic ways XD

But if your ideal relationship is more a platonic one, maybe what you're looking for is a queerplatonic partner? :) Look into it, see what you think ^^

Xx

Crow

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Can you love romantic stuff and still be aromantic?

Of course you can! Being aromantic doesn't stop you from liking romantic clichés. It just means that you don't experience romantic attraction. Also, a relationship can be however you want it to be, as long as your partner also accepts it.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Not silly at all!

I personally love romantic stories, movies, gestures and everything, just not when it concerns me :) I sometimes consider myself a hopeless romantic in fact, just because I love that kind of thing so much :wub:

I like to say that I'm in love with love as oppose to people!

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I think I'm aromantic. Or at least, somewhere close to it. Mainly because for me to picture my ideal romantic relationship was to pretty much picture an exclusive friends with benefits situation, and call it a romantic relationship. It took the longest time for me to realize that people feel these romantic feelings that aren't friendship or lust, but something different. And I've never felt that for anyone. However I am not romance repulsed. I would still be willing to try such a relationship if the right opportunity came along.

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I'm afraid I might be aromantic because I've never desired a romantic relationship with any specific person. I daydream about having a partner, though. I want to be close to someone. I do not, however, want sappy romance - I think my perfect relationship would be more of a friendship than anything, but with more hugging and cuddling. Not sure about kissing since I've never done it. It seems kind of gross.

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Honestly, I believe it would be probable for an aromatic to enjoy romance more than anyone else.

You can only ever romanticise what you don't touch in your life, only your thoughts; I can dream of life in rural China as peaceful and idyllic, as long as I never go to China and have that impression ruined by long laborious work hours, a limited diet, rural austerity and that gross country smell you get everywhere you go outside the city. I can romanticise the life of the artist like that of a 1930's French film, smoking cigarettes in dingy Parisian cafés whilst they quietly draw the surrounding strangers, as long as I never meet any boring, ordinary (genuinely lovely but none-the-less unspectacular) artists.

So you see, by avoiding the reality of romance, (and forgive me for seeming bitter but by 'reality' I mean the day-in, day-out, tedious nature of a romance between two basically average, argumentative, flawed humans), I think you can preserve a perfect ideal of romance in your mind, the romance of books and songs and movies that never seems to really exist. I don't really know if I would consider myself aromantic, but I know that romance in my head is still something extraordinary, and I don't want any part in a real romantic relationship that would ruin my ideal of a romanticised romance, if you will.

So in answer to your question, yes; aromantics are the only true romanticists left ;)

(Crepes almighty, I wasn't even slightly drunk when I wrote that...when did I become this person?...)

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I am very similar to you. I enjoy many romantic movies and stories, but I don't particularly want a partner myself. I have had crushes, but haven't had a strong desire to date them. Thinking about myself being in love seems silly.

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Everyone, thank you so much for the replies! ^_^ I think I have a better idea now knowing that there are people who are similar to me who are aromantic. I'm guessing that I probably just want a very very close friend and yes, maybe a queerplatonic relationship after reading up about it. I've a bit of social anxiety so I have problems making friends and keeping them and have only one friend whom I go out with and keep in frequent contact. But even then, we're not very close, like there is still a wall between us and I feel very lonely at times. So maybe this loneliness is making me want a partner whom I can call my own and probably monopolize ^_^|||

But I think I know what I really want now and there's a high possibility that I'm aromantic but I'll keep it open for now. Thanks for the advice! Have a cake :cake:

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glowtestkraken

I love reading and writing romantic stuff. Watching can get a bit mushy for me, just because I usually don't like how the romance is portrayed, but I really do love romance when it's done well.

Saying that, the thought of a romantic relationship in relation to myself freaks me out so much. I've never had a crush, and just the idea of someone liking me and asking me out makes me start avoiding the person. I love seeing other couples, like I have some seriously cute friend couples, I just really don't want that for myself.

So liking something doesn't necessarily feed into your romantic orientation at all

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes! I myself tend to ship characters and enjoy a good romance every once in a while. Though I do really hate the super sappy stuff, it just seems so cheesy and mushy.

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