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Confused About My Demisexual Friend - Any Advice?


poppyseed777

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Hello,

I have a friend who recently told me he was a demisexual. After listening to him explain and scrolling through your site (which was otherwise very helpful, thank you!) I admit that I am still confused. I apologize for my ignorance, because the last thing I want to be is offend someone. I am just having trouble understanding the concept of only becoming sexually attracted to a person about an emotional connection. This is because I experience so many emotional connections without sexual attraction, for example the connection I have with my pets and my friends. Does this mean a demisexual person can literally become sexually attracted to anyone/anything?

Again, I apologize for my ignorance. I really love my friend, and I want to show my support in understanding him. Thank you in advance! ^_^

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WhenSummersGone

I'm Demisexual and I can only experience sexual attraction to close friends or close romantic partners. It doesn't happen with everyone I know well though and I don't get sexually attracted to pets or family. Those connections are different.

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Notte stellata

For demisexuals, the experience of sexual attraction requires an emotional connection, but it doesn't mean emotional connection always leads to sexual attraction. Also, many demisexuals specifically need a romantic bond to feel sexual attraction.

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That was fast! Thank you for the insight. I guess it's the part of how emotional connections as the only source of attraction that I can't wrap my head around. My friend said that he occasionally has sexual attraction from his emotional connections with some of his other friends, but I don't understand how if that's the only well you're attracted to others, that it's distinctive.
...if that makes sense :P
To clarify, I guess I'm having trouble understanding how there is any differentiation from attractive emotional connections vs just having an emotional connection. If a person can't find another physically attractive, what's to prevent a person from being attracted to a majority of their emotional connections?

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That's an understandable confusion for anyone, don't worry! Maybe you're confusing the words "attraction" to "attachment." I'm pretty sure I identify as a demisexual, and I have an emotion attraction to my boyfriend; initially because he ha qualities that made him a great friend. I'm also a nanny, and I have emotional attachments to the children I watch. By this I mean that I have a bond with them, and that I love being there for them. Those connections are very different. Emotional attraction is wanting intimacy with another (at whichever comfort level). Emotional attachment is a bond between two people, like the love of a strictly platonic friendship.

Hope that helps! (:

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WhenSummersGone

Some emotional connections haven't felt right or they feel off somehow. I've only been sexually attracted to one friend my whole life but my other friendships were different. It could be a personality I didn't click well with or maybe I couldn't relate to them well. It's hard to say what it was. For me it either happens or it doesn't but I still have to know them well before I can tell. With romantic partners it works better because of romantic feelings. I may find them physically attractive later but not right away like how it is for most people.

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To my understanding, demisexuality requires an emotional connection before and in order for sexual attraction to happen. Which is in contrast to many sexual persons, who are able to experience sexual attraction with or without an emotional connection. In fact, for some sexuals, it is the sexual attraction and sexual activity that can help build or keep in place an emotional connection.

The point is that demisexuals can find people physically/sexually attractive, but not unless there is an emotional connection in place first.

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