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Do you think there's a reason you're ace/grey-A?


Burgundy

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Me personally, I think I'm asexual because of how I've been brought up and my body. I had a very Catholic upbringing - Catholic parents, Catholic church, Catholic primary school, Catholic secondary school, Catholic sixth form, Catholic gap year!

Also, my body's weird and so I may not even be able to have kids. I've known this growing up and so I never really even saw sex as necessary.

That said though, not everyone in those situations would end up ace/grey-A. It's just how I turned out :) xx

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To make the world a better place, of course! :) *other than that, it's just chemistry ;)*

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Interestingly, I think that a big part of why I don't want sex has to do with my gender. My lack of sexual attraction, on the other hand... I think I was probably born with that.

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These are really interesting answers :) I love being able to be so open and accepting of myself here, because everyone else is lovely :) xx

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This is something I've pondered for a while. (I've only recently come upon the label of "greysexual", and it seems to fit well enough.) Honestly, I was always puzzled by how everyone else seemed fine with just hooking up with (it felt like) anybody. My main thing is that I want a connection, I want the intimacy, and I was well into my 20s by the time I realized that intimacy and sex are two different things (I attribute that to having been raised in a culture that holds up the equation that intimacy = sex). It certainly explained a lot once I realized that.

So, perhaps I didn't experience enough closeness or connection when I was little? I dunno. I know I want depth, in any relationship, whether it's a friendship, a romantic relationship, what have you. Maybe it could also be linked to trust? I've always been protective of my body, and allowing sexual intimacy is a fairly big deal. Perhaps I only experience the attraction when I've acquired a level of trust with the other person that I know that access will be valued?

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Although I don't ever desire sex with someone, if I trust the person I am with that they won't use me, I feel comfortable with it and I want to make them happy, I might do it. I'd be happy if I ever 'needed' to do that again though.

Trigger warning for rape

Another reason that I might be ace is because, it might sound stupid, but I had a fear of being raped since the age of about 12 or 13. I don't know why, I don't know where it came from, in fact for a long time I didn't even realise just how messed up it was that every day I pictured being raped and it terrified me. So that might be another reason why I am the way I am.

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littleheartsofjoy

I don't think there is a reason, because me and my sibs grew up with the same upbringing and the two of them are sexual. I'm shy, but I have encountered various shy people who still have sexual attraction. It just seems like everything that could be possible, I have encountered people who would negate that.

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I can't think of anything that could have caused it. Although I came from a fairly conservative background, that could not have been a cause since most people I've encountered from a similar background are sexual. I feel that for many people, sexual desire is an innate instinct, so even if they aren't exposed to a lot of sexual things as a child, sex makes sense to them. On the other hand, even though I learned about sex in a very safe, educational environment, and I was still horrified.

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ItAllMakesSense

"Baby, I was born this way!" That's why I'm Grey. I've never been sexually allured as opposed to one of my twin sister's who's been sexually mature since kindergarten!

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I had a strict Catholic upbringing as well, very similar to yours, but even after puberty I never got sex, I just thought it was something people did to have babies and what was the point if you werent trying to get pregnant.

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@Burgundy: I've always had the same fear too! It's the only "real" fear I've got, and while I'm capable of not dwelling on it, it does still terrify me on some level.

But I have friends who have been through it, and they're not Ace, so… I wouldn't think that's a factor, necessarily. I would be more likely to think it's correlation, not causation; i.e. trust and protectiveness concerns are at the root of both issues, but one issue doesn't cause the other.

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