Would you still consider me a Grey-A?

[life_carnival]

Hi, I'm a newbie and this is my second post. I just stumbled into concept asexuality not too long ago. I come from Indonesia and I'm a Muslim, so sex (or sexuality) is not exactly an everyday topic. Even if you're with close friends. At the same time, it's still common here to value virginity and not to have sex before marriage.

But here's the truth, I'm 35 years old woman -- never been in relationship (not even dating!) and yes I'm a virgin. All my life, I never really care about having sex (or not). There are times that I think maybe I should, that I dunno, hire someone to just get over and done with it, but that thought usually perish quickly enough. I'm okay to not act on it. I do find some celebrities to be "hot" and attractive but not to the point that I want to "jump on them immediately". But I do, on ocassion think it would be nice to have sex with one of those hot celebrities, simply because it's a nice idea, but not sure if I will actually enjoy the sex.

I do get horny and I masturbate but I prefer having stimulations in form of reading erotica fiction because then I could just imagine it to help me reach the orgasm while masturbating. I tried watching porn and it turned me off because I just thought it looked messy and not attractive at all.

I guess I consider myself Grey-Ace because of those 'hot celebrities' factor (like I said, I do find them attractive on occasions). In real life, I never really have anyone who I consider as attractive -- pleasing in the eyes maybe, gorgeous yes, but not that I get horny and I want to have sex with them. In addition, I also never see myself being married especially because that means I have to have sex with my partner or being romantic with them (nope, I never imagine myself cuddling or spooning though having someone to greet me at home will be nice) --> which I guess that would make me aromantic, right?

Appreciate any thoughts .... I think the definition of grey-A is a better start for me because I still have a lot to learn and I hope reading some of the topics here will help me to understand better about myself.

[Aisntllecxtual]

A very warm welcome to AVEN life_carnival. :) I find the community here extremely open and supportive. It is also a very diverse forum where you can interact with others (via an alienating electronic medium true, but can be paradoxically quite intimate - closeness fueled by anonymity and understanding that derives from commonality/solidarity I think, I wonder) and educate oneself, gain a lot of insight. I hope you enjoy the experience of being a member as much as I do. I offer you our trademark (even though I am a shameless rebel and prefer the traitorous pie as dessert :lol:) cake in celebration of gracing us with your participation.

[Skri]

I consider myself Gray-A as well and I feel exactly like you: meaning that I do not want or need to have sex with anyone, not even with hot celebrities. Actually, I do not even find them "hot", but rather incredibly good looking or actractive or fascinating or whatever... but very very rarely hot. Also, I enjoy erotic fanfictions but not porn (by the way the porn industry is horrible most of the time, besides most porn is created to please guys, not women, so in such case no surprise you do not like, it's actually pretty common if you ask around the web).

However, there's a girl I like and towards to I have sexual feelings I want to act on, so this is why I do not consider myself fully asexual.

So, to answer your question, I think you should pick up the label you are most comfortable with. Is it Gray-A? go with it! Nobody can tell you that it's not the right one. Labels should make you feel at peace, not being a constriction though. They should be a way to understand yourself better. IF you want to label yourself at all!

For what concerns the romantic aspect, instead, I don't think to know enough to say something about it, sorry!

& welcome here :D

[littlepersonparadox]

Seem's perfectly reasonable to me. and WELCOME *birds singing and a rainbow pops up out of mid-air* i love the ace spectrum.

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN! It's totally up to you on how you identify. Go with what feels right. : ) You could be asexual or gray-A...because aesthetic attraction (thinking someone is "hot") and romantic attraction are separate from sexual attraction. Having fantasies and reading erotica also doesn't mean you aren't asexual. But what's important is what you feel comfortable with! So there's nothing wrong with identifying as gray-A. : ) Keep exploring the site~ Best wishes!

[Guest]

Hello there and welcome to AVEN

AVEN defines sexual attraction as "the desire for partnered sexual contact" (the exact quote is in my signature) so if one considers Grey A to be someone who experiences sexual attraction under specific, rare circumstances (as an example )then by the AVEN definition of sexual attraction that would mean "someone who desires partnered sexual contact under certain, rare occassions" .. this is of course regardless of libido/arousal or whether or not you masturbate because even if you masturbated while thinking about a certain hot celebrity, if you wouldn't actually have sex with that celebrity given the opportunity, then that's still not exactly sexual attraction. Sexual Attraction is the arousal over that celebrity PLUS the strong desire to have that celebrity help you relieve that desire through partnered sex. so in that case (one not actually wanting sex *with* the celebrity) one would be Asexual. However if you do think that yes, your attraction to a celebrity may mean you would have partnered sex with them if they offered, then that might be closer to grey A.

of course, those are just examples, it is entirely up to you what you choose to label yourself as! whatever you find most comfortable for you :)

Good luck!!