Voelen Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Hello I have very recently started to think that I might be asexual, but I'm still deeply confused. I know you can't tell me "you are asexual" or "you are not", but I am hoping that you can help me, with your own experience, see more clearly. I am 22, and I never had sex, nor am I really interested in doing so. I feel somewhat forced by society to search a boyfriend to be 'normal', but personnally, I am fine on my own. I tried having a boyfriend last year. He seemed interested, and I thought, "let's try", but I couldn't find any real attraction to him. I kissed him only once and was made deeply uncomfortable. Suffice to say the relationship didn't last long. When I see men and women in the street, I can find them attractive in a purely physical sense, but more like I would say a painting is beautiful. There is no thought on potential sex. In truth, I have never been attracted to anyone in a romantic or sexual way. I also have a low sexual drive. I sometimes feel the need to pleasure myself, but it's never long, and never focuses on anyone in particular. I don't know if that comes from the fact that I am still a virgin, or if it's because I am asexual. I don't know if you will be able to help me clear things up a bit, but I will be grateful for every answer I receive. Thank you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Boo Cat Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Hello! I'm rather new myself but it sounds to me like you fall on the asexual spectrum. Of course, you'll have to decide for yourself where exactly you are on it. By the way, I really relate to what you said about being attracted to people in a physical sense. I love looking at people because they're so beautiful, but it's not sexual at all. I wouldn't kiss a painting or make out with a drawing or a sculpture, you know? No one I know IRL seems to understand that aesthetic attraction is completely different from sexual or romantic attraction. It's rather annoying. Anyways, welcome to the AVEN community! :cake: ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
llamajesus Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Your attraction definitely sounds like it's purely aesthetic attraction rather than romantic/sexual attraction, so it definitely sounds like there's a high probability of you being asexual. I can definitely understand where you're coming from though. There's some people that I would find so beautiful, but then I would try to imagine a sexual scenario with them out of curiosity and I'd feel absolutely nothing. Also, the one time I dated someone, I didn't really feel anything while kissing them, and never really felt the need for it to go further than that, so that was kind of a hint too. Good luck figuring this all out though, and welcome to the community! :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
leela_10V3 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Welcome to Aven, Voelen! I'm new here myself and trying to figure it all out. I've been reading the FAQ and pinned posts and perusing discussion threads and I can relate to so much of what I read, it's pretty eerie. At the same time, it's terrifying to put a "label" on myself or take on a new "identity" as an asexual. I still alternate between feelings of relief and peace, and panic. Maybe there's something medically wrong with me after all? Maybe I should get my hormones checked? Maybe I'm just depressed so my senses are dulled? Maybe I'm exaggerating it all... But when I really think about it again, I realize I don't feel broken or depressed. I feel normal. Take your time. Read. Learn. Ask. Don't feel rushed to make any decisions or declarations. No one is judging you or pushing you. Just know you're not alone in your search. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Voelen Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Thank you for your replies. It feels good to know that other people can relate to my experiences. I have never met someone in the same case as me. Everyone, in highschool and college, is so focused on sex and dating... Something I really can't understand. Or envisionne for myself. I can only think about down sides of dating, which is a bit grating. I always felt like there was somthing wrong with me. Why do everyone enjoy sex and dating and I simply don't care ? I will continue to explore this possibility, because I feel that asexual is what describe me best in terms of sexuality. Perhaps I simply haven't found the right person yet, but I am honestly mostly happy alone. If there was no pressure from societey to think about dating, all would be well. In any case, thank you again for your answers. They really helped Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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