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Thanks to AVEN, I've spoken with my asexual Husband


marriedartist

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marriedartist

I'd like to start this post off by saying thank you to AVEN and all of the people posting. You helped open a diaglog into a tough situation my husband and I (unknowingly and/or un-labeled) have been working through for years.

The backgrounds, info, insight, and suggestions made helped me begin to discuss this topic with him, and I'll be forever grateful... no matter how this turns out.

(Edit personal information removed)

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I really hope you can work a way that leaves you both happy. I don't really have any advise or suggestions on how to approach it however compared to the other times I've seen similar situations you have the advantage.

You both seem mature and logical people who won't just jump at one option (good or bad) and stick with it. You both recognise where the problem is and clearly care for each other. The only thing I can suggest is that you work on this over a long period of time, as you can't think of everything that you want to say in one sitting.

Again, I really hope for the best with you two as you seem like a lovely couple.

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I dunno if it will help at all, but I actually got brought in as a speaker to do a talk about asexual relationships once, and if you haven't seen the video maybe it might have a couple nuggets of info you could use? I talk about ways to cultivate intimacy in other ways and stuff that might be relevant to you . . . ?

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Best wishes to both of you! Is he trying to "set you free"? Maybe he's thinking more about how this affects you. Maybe he doesn't really want solitude, but might want a continued relationship with you, and at the same time he might be feeling it wouldn't be fair to you to try to keep you in a relationship that isn't all you might want. Could you be happy long term knowing sex isn't going to be as much a part of the relationship as you might want (or may even not be part of it at all at some point?)? Would it help if you could each openly share your wants, needs, feelings, etc., on the future of the relationship, in a way that doesn't place any pressure or blame or anything on the other partner? I think sometimes when people are mature and thoughtful and caring and love their partner they may be hesitant to say anything that they think might cause any hurt feelings. But sometimes I think we need to be totally honest, with ourselves and our partners, and disregard the potential for hurt feelings (theirs or our own). I think it's really important to note that works both ways. And it's incredibly difficult to do, in my experience. Real open honest communication.

I wish you both the best and that you can find your way to the path or paths that are best for both of you (or each individually if that's the case). :cake:

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I really really really wish you the best of the best. It is a beautiful story.

I don't know, it kind of touched me.

Have you guys tried to open yourselves? Like, tell each other all you are feeling? Open honest communication like daveb has said.

It seems to me that to harbor and hide these feelings might wear you guys down, and there is no how to find a solution without exposing the problem.

I hope it helps. :cake:

*Big big big big hugs*

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