Telling the Parents

[FightingIrish1298]

Hey all. I'm 20 and am home on fall break from college. I've been considering telling my mom about, uh, everything? I'm a bit scared to, though. I still take off the ace ring whenever I'm going to be around parents, plus I doubt they'd know what it means anyways.

My parents are not conservative or traditional people by any means. They're divorced, one's had kids with another person without remarrying, they're not religious. I'm not incredibly worried or anything--hell, my mom used to think I was gay and didn't care.

I'm just worried about them (I only plan on telling my mom; dad doesn't take mental illness seriously, so I doubt he'd listen much to this) because I'm afraid I'll get the "it's not real" or "are you sure you haven't found the right person?" stuff. As I said, my mom's accepting no problem--accepting of things she knows to exist. Asexuality isn't on the radar to the same extent as homosexuality. Advice? Blah

[Guest]

Just prepare for this conversation good and then you can come out as an ace. You have to feel comfortable while you are talking about such personal things so be sure you are ready for such conversation, if not, you would better wait.

[Aisntllecxtual]

If your mother is open-minded as you say, she will not judge you. She might be skeptical about your asexuality as you suggest because of the comparative lack of public awareness of it as a sexual orientation, as a reality, but that doubting disposition can be overcome with time with the force of who you are and further understanding she may (hopefully, will) acquire. My mother was accepting. She even stated that a friend of hers is asexual. I wish you the best of luck in your intended endeavor in easing your way out of the shadows.

[MeriKarhu]

Hey there FightingIrish!

Same boat. I'm 20, graduating in December and moving on to MA/PhD-land. I have two months left before everything becomes rushed havoc and I'd like to come out before I leave for grad school in January. I don't really know why I'm nervous, but every time I suck up the nerve to say something, I get all jittery and talk myself out of it. I mentioned Asexuality Awareness Week to test the waters (I'm fairly involved in LGBT, etc. rights on campus, so it sounds like something I would do) and my mom laughed really hard. I'm worried that she'll think this is a phase or an attempt to make 'a case' out of myself, like a hypochondriac or something. I've outed myself at school to my two friends, so I've had a bit of practice...

My mom is my best friend, and I know she'll listen to me, but whether or not she believes me is a different story. This is the most important relationship in my life right now and I'm scared to give her a reason to judge me. My dad is extremely critical of anything that doesn't fit into the 'Christian, white, straight' category that defines the culture of where I live. He drops derogetory names for gay people on a daily basis, no matter how hard I beg him to stop.

I guess the best answer is to just do it. I've got to find some courage and make sure my parents understand that I'm being serious. I might arm myself with a book on asexuality and some helpful websites to shove in their faces if they decide to be stubborn. Let us know how it goes for you, if you decide to do it. I wish you all the best!!

[PatheticGirl]

I want to but still I'm not able to come out except with the guys who wanted sexual relationship with me

[lyricsarepoetry]

I wish you all the luck with talking to your Mum (if you've not done it already). My advice would be to be prepared with information about what Asexuality means and doesn't mean. Be prepared to have questions thrown at you and be able to answer them. A lot of people don't know about asexuality and by the sounds of it, your Mum will be understanding about it, you might just have to explain what exactly it is first.

I was relatively lucky when I told my Mum. I told her when she was dyeing my hair once. I went about it by asking "How many sexualities do you know about?" and she said "Straight, gay, lesbian, bi?" Fair enough. So I then explained to her about pansexuality and asexuality. Her initial reaction was why was there so many sexualities and when I said that Ii thought (because it was at the time when I wasn't sure) I was asexual because I have never had any sort of interest in sex or felt anything when it comes to sexual attraction and stuff, she said (and I bet a lot of us have heard this) "You probably just haven't met the right person yet." So Ii just sort of left it that time.

A few months past. I became certain about my Asexuality and comfortable in myself about it, but less comfortable talking about it, except with one or two people. One of the people I trusted to talk about it with upset me (He made some comment about "holding people back" in a relationship if they wanted sex). And I wanted to talk to my Mum because I was so frustrated. And I did. Ii just spoke as though it was generally accepted that I was asexual and there was nothing else to do with it. And my mum was great and listened to me and was offended on my behalf at what my friend had said.

A few days after that I felt I was able to give my Mum the asexuality info book I own for her to read. I don't know if she's read any of it yet, but I know she was more than wiling to. And I was so grateful for how she was about it.