aromanticLamp Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 There's a lot of talk about squishes in the aromantic community, and a lot of talk about crushes in... Every other community. So this is a topic directed towards us aros who don't experience squishes or crushes! Do you guys feel left out of the community for not having experienced squishes? Do you feel like your lifestyle is any different from that of an aromantic who does have squishes? Do you feel isolated from social groups? Do you enjoy not having these types of emotional connections? Any kind of response is welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Well... I don't feel left out from anything, but I must say that I understand the romantic people better. I can envision a crush, I understand what people mean when they say crush. Squish on the other hand is something mysterious to me, even though people have explained it to me several times I still don't understand what it is supposed to feel like. Link to post Share on other sites
Satin Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 An interesting idea for a topic. Especially the question “Do you feel like your lifestyle is any different from that of an aromantic who does have squishes?” got me thinking again what a squish really is to me. I know lots of people define it as a crush without romantic feelings and about the same amount of people seem to wonder how it is any different from “wanting to be friends” with someone. A while ago I started defining squishes as "investing into a relationship" (a friendship). I started with this because society and the media seem to tell us that friendships usually don’t require investment. As in: you just meet someone and become friends immediately or sort of naturally become friends without either party actively trying to improve the relationship. Once you do invest into a relationship, you must be in love with that person – that’s how it always seemed to me. And that’s why I had such a hard time understanding that my crushes weren’t crushes. So I thought they were squishes instead! Anyway, the way I define squishes they’re really nothing other than wanting to be friends. I can’t identify with this “friendship-crush” idea because it sounds like people experiencing them are as obsessed with their squishes as romantics are with their crushes. Every once in a while I see a post here on AVEN where someone describes their feelings for a squish and I honestly can’t relate because it sounds so much like a crush instead. So, to go back to that initial question: If a squish is “wanting to be friends”, then I don’t think there is much of a difference between a person that does not experience them and one that does. But if a squish is one of those weird “crush without romantic feelings” things some people seem to have then I’d say there might actually be quite a difference. And in that case I never experienced one in the first place. Does this make any sense? :P Link to post Share on other sites
Neurula Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 There's a lot of talk about squishes in the aromantic community, and a lot of talk about crushes in... Every other community. So this is a topic directed towards us aros who don't experience squishes or crushes! Do you guys feel left out of the community for not having experienced squishes? Do you feel like your lifestyle is any different from that of an aromantic who does have squishes? Do you feel isolated from social groups? Do you enjoy not having these types of emotional connections? Any kind of response is welcome! I don't experience squishes or crushes. I do feel a little "different" from asexuals who do because I can't fathom what a squish/crush is like. Squish is an even more foreign concept to me than a "crush." Probably because I have known about crushes for a long time, and I've read/seen what having a crush is like. But with squishes, I just found out about that on AVEN...I kinda sit back in wonder at the posts on squishes just like I do when someone says something like "he is so hot, I'd do him." It's just something I'll never understand on a personal level. I've had friends but none I ever felt super close to. And none whom I would describe as "awesome" (something I've read on here a few times). Well, my lifestyle consists of going to class, studying, going to work, surfing the internet, and watching TV, etc. I don't party or go out like a lot of my peers. So I guess my lifestyle is different in that way. I don't feel isolated because I purposely seek to be alone. It's hard to say whether I enjoy not having the emotional connections since I don't know what it feels like to have one. However, I don't have a feeling like "something is missing." The concepts of close friendship, crushes, sex, etc are made out to seem really great so I think I would enjoy them if I could. Alas, I do not seem to be wired that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Neurula Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 bumping for more replies Link to post Share on other sites
Manic Pixie Dream Nerd Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well, I'm one who does experience squishes. Really strong ones sometimes. I must say, if I never had them it would probably save me a lot of time and concentration. I'm not a fan of liking people, romantically or aromantically. (Just putting my thoughts out there. I'll let you non-squishers get back to buisness now. *Slinks away*) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Inkbright Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 When I discovered this thread, I was like "What?? Some people don't get squishes?? What??? What is this??? I thought everyone got squishes!!!!"I suppose this is what allosexuals must feel like when they find out about asexuality. XD Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I agree with posters who define a squish as a desire for friendship, because as a person who is able to experience squishes, yes, they're a desire for a friendship, an unusually deep one, but still a friendship. It's strange that some people seem to assimilate squishes to crushes, maybe because these 2 words are so close. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Depends. I have squishes but I feel a little out of place when other aros describe their squishes. I get squishes but not that often and if there's such a thing as demi-squish, that would describe how I feel completely. I don't squish on someone until after we've become emotionally close that we can tell things to each other that we would never tell anyone else and without the fear of getting judged. So if you have really close friends, you might not be missing out on anything. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I've had maybe one crush. And that's a big maybe. I definitely had a squish though. I don't blame anyone for being confused about them. They're confusing when you have one. The whole time I had people from all sides saying that I must love her, I must have wanted to sleep with her. Sometimes it even got to me, but in reality, I didnt. I really really really liked her. I trusted her so much. I wasn't afraid to be 100% me around her. I wanted to be around her all the time. Only that, and nothing more. That's a squish to me. So I guess ive had one squish and maybe one crush. Not none, but pretty slim considering my age. I don't expect to ever experience a true crush, but I would expect, once I'm in a better place with my struggle against depression that I'll have more squishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue_Sky Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I've never had a crush and I'm still confused on what a squish is... But I don't think I feel isolated or anything like that. When I was younger I never really noticed my lack of crushes on people so that didn't affect me at all. Now that I'm a little older, I do notice it but I don't feel like that makes me any different. I can't say I enjoy not having 'those types' of emotional connections because I think I have my own type of connections instead of crushes and squishes. I have my friends and that's fine by me. So, I guess I'm trying to say that I don't feel left out of anything or isolated. Link to post Share on other sites
Manic Pixie Dream Nerd Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I get squishes but not that often and if there's such a thing as demi-squish, that would describe how I feel completely. I don't squish on someone until after we've become emotionally close Same here! Link to post Share on other sites
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