imafuturecatlady Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 So for the past couple of weeks, a close friend of mine as been venting to me about a friends with benefits relationship she's been having with a guy who graduated last year. At first she was pretty good at keeping the sex stuff out of the conversation (because she knows I'm ace) and more talking to me about her identity and how she's normally attracted to girls. But lately she's been venting more about the sex stuff, and it's been making me kind of uncomfortable. I've started to dread when my phone rings because I never really think of my friends having sex, and it's weird to know that they do? Like sure people are going to but I suppose I'm just caught up in my little no sex world. And then she'll ask me for advice, which I can't really give considering I've never even had a romantic relationship with someone. When I joke with her that my asexiness is the farthest thing that's going to be able to help her, she'll get frustrated and ask for absolutely any advice I can give her, and that's when I muster up some really bad advice to try and make her feel better. Being the only one who knows about their relationship, I can't really tell her to completely stop talking to me about it. I want to help her but I also don't want to feel awkward or continue giving really bad advice. Does anyone else have any problems with this? Am I just overreacting? Advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I used to get really uncomfortable with friends venting this stuff to me in high school and college too, though I didn't identify as asexual at that time. It's always your right to talk to your friend and ask that she maybe tone it down, or be more mindful of your proclivities in that area. My friends never really cared, and I didn't know I could speak up and ask them to stop. Hell, even now I'm sometimes afraid to stand up and say, "hey, this makes me uncomfortable. Would you mind not discussing it with me so blatently?" It's hard to do, I'll give you that, but I think it is your best bet. Maybe you could offer her more general relationship advice in place of the sexual stuff? Maybe she doesn't truly understand how you feel in the situation. I bet she'd really want to know if you were uncomfortable, but it's up to you to help her understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sinead Buckley Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I think you're making this more difficult than it has to be. It's not like you have to coach her or give her some plan of action. Usually when a friend asks for advice what they're really trying to say is that they want help sorting out their feelings and they need some motivation, that's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 As you are trying to make effort for her and listen to her; she too needs to make same effort not to get you into uncomfortable situation. Friends understand each other Link to post Share on other sites
Saraya Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I think you're making this more difficult than it has to be. It's not like you have to coach her or give her some plan of action. Usually when a friend asks for advice what they're really trying to say is that they want help sorting out their feelings and they need some motivation, that's about it. Yeah and how do you know it is motivation her friend wants ? How do you expect a person who is uncomfortable about sex stuff, dreads picking up their phone cause they know it is gonna be about sex stuff to motivate a person with concerns regarding sex? Balancing a friendship with discomfort is pretty difficult. At the end of the day the only person who can sort out their feelings is the one with the problem. Anyway OP, I have been in your situation before but I did not handle it well. I let them vent and rant pushing aside my discomfort until I got so fed up and irritated that I told them the truth and they didn't take it well. I can't really help but be honest with your friend and let her know how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable you should let her know. Link to post Share on other sites
AspieAce Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I would stay true to yourself personally I'm an aspie as well so friend relationships are confusing but I think she needs to understand you as well as you understanding her a friendship is not one sided Link to post Share on other sites
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